A few weeks ago, I learned a new word...pronoia. Pronoia means the opposite of paranoia. Meaning, rather than feeling like if everything in the universe is out to get you, what you believe instead, is that everything in the universe is conspiring to help you. I swear to you, it's my new favorite word. Although I've lived in this state for a very long time, I didn't know that there was an actual term for it.
You see, one of the things that I consciously work on, is my mindset, and in learning how to use the things that are happening, within my life as tools to help me both to get a deeper understanding of myself and how I can set myself free from things that no longer serve me. Why because of pronoia of course. The simple truth is that when we understand how our thoughts shape our world, and the things that happen to us, we can begin to live in the world that we want to live, and we can create the kind of life that we want to have consciously...and what better way to achieve this than pronoia. How does this happen, by starting to understand your mindset and the energies that you are putting into your world.
Over the last few years, I have made it a point to consistently work on my parenting mindset - because I realized that when I understand what my thoughts are creating and manifesting in my home, I can consistently, work on changing the thought patterns that lead into behaviors that I don't want my kids to replicate. In the blog post Mindset is the Most Powerful and Transformative Parenting Tool I give an example of how understanding my mindset, and how choosing to change the way that I was viewing a difficult situation with my sons, helped me not only diffuse the situation, but also get the best out of it.
The reason that it is so important to understand your mindset when you parent is because when you are un-aware of what you're putting into a situation, it's easy to go into autopilot and reenact behaviors or patterns that were modeled to you in childhood - and for those of us, who want to change these generational patterns, understanding your mindset is the greatest tool that you have. It can be as simple as changing a word when you're having a bad moment, to something else that will put you in a different thought pattern: saying my son is so controlling, to, my son is great at understanding what he wants and going after that - he's a great leader. Both words have the same understanding, but give you a different view of the situation. By choosing a positive work rather than a negative one, you can start to see situations in a different way. The reason that this works is because subconsciously, and emotionally we see the situation in another way and are able to react in a way according to the result that we want to have.
Do you want to learn how to start understanding your mindset and how to start shifting it to start seeing and creating the kind of life that you want to create with your children now? You can schedule a FREE call with me HERE, where I can help you learn to see the patterns that are coming up in your daily life and how you can start to change them, and begin to create what you do want...and don't forget to join the fun in my FB group, Soul Centered Mamma Tribe. This week we will be discussing mindset and how to start to understand it and also how to turn it around.
Last week, I covered belief systems and stories that keep us from parenting in the ways that we want in my FB group: Soul Centered Mama Tribe, because the reality is that what keeps us from connecting with our children in the way that we desire is not our child's behavior, but the way that we interpret their behavior, and then react to it. Our reactions can either help us and our children release their feelings or can force them to bury their feelings and create emotional patterns that keep them stuck in the same emotional loops and reactions that we ourselves are stuck in.
The truth is that all children demonstrate similar behavioral patterns when they are upset. If you get a group of parents together, they will all talk about the same kinds of grievances, regarding their children's behavior. This is because as humans we are all wired to react to things that are making us uncomfortable and feel bad, and when we don't get the opportunity to feel these things, they continue to come up until they are released...here lies the problem, most of us lack the tools to learn to release and help our children release.
One of the reasons that I start client services with soul readings, is because when you can understand the purpose for your child being in your life, understand the energies that they are here to help you release, and also understand - emotionally - that they are here to push specific buttons to help you release old hurts and old stories and beliefs, amazing things happen. You begin to connect naturally. You begin to see the magic unfolding with yourself and your child. You begin to see the purpose of your relationship unfolding in-front of you, as they help guide you, and the challenges that you feel become your greatest teachers. You begin to heal and move forward with them - immediately. Here is what one mamma is saying about soul readings:
Violet moon provided me with a power insight. That almost immediately provided clarity. It opened my mind and my heart. Many of my questions about my troubled relationship with y son were answered. Honestly after her reading things began to improve. Thank you so much.
~ Krissy T.
You can read what other mammas are saying here.
Once these things are understood, the question then becomes: how do I learn to tackle these behaviors and begin to connect with my child in a way that helps them release what they are feeling while helping me learn to understand their behavior? And what I have found is that there are 4 primary ways that I have learned to push beyond the uncomfortable moments, so that I can connect with my child and start to undo patterns or behavior in myself. They are:
1. Taking care of myself. This is the most important part of my motherhood journey.
The Truth is that I can't take care of my children and react to them in the way that desire - from love - if I am not taking care of myself.
2. Mindset work.
Learning to separate my thoughts from the moment, so that I can feel into what my children need. It's easy to get caught up in a mind loop; my child is being difficult, I can't deal with this, why are they doing this, they do this to make me crazy, I am so done...when we are not taking care of ourselves (#1) and not taking care of our mindset regularly.
3. Listening to what my feelings are telling me.
This one can be difficult for some moms, because we've been taught to stop feeling and keep moving forward. But when you're not listening to what you're feelings are telling you, the easiest thing to do is project those same feelings (that belong to you) into your child.
4. Making a conscious effort to do something that we enjoy to do together - consistently.
When you make it a point to focus on positive things, positive things happen. It's easy to focus on things that happen, moments that are uncomfortable and feelings that make us grumpy, because it's what we're used to. But when you make it a conscious effort to enjoy your time with your child, consistently, it's becomes natural that when difficult moments happen, you're better able to move forward in a space of love, because you're in a space of loving flow. You're naturally looking for the good, rather than focusing on the upset.
I made it an intentional habit to let the biggest struggles, BE my teachers. I know that when I am struggling with a certain behavior, pattern, upset, etc., over and over again, that this is where I have to lean into - rather than run away emotionally, and I face it, and look for the purpose. Beliefs and stories come together/apart here.
We all have moments that are challenging, but the more that we learn to understand them and learn to flow with our children, and the rough moments, the more we can learn to understand what our children are trying to tell us and show us, while learning to grow together with them.
Want to learn more about soul readings and how it can help you become a more conscious parent? Schedule your free 30 min. clarity call here, and learn how I can help you today...and to explore these themes this week, join me in the Soul Centered Mamma Tribe, today.
This weekend, I spent two days helping my daughters clean their room - and I'm not talking about light cleaning, I mean deep cleaning. Moving things, throwing things away, decluttering moving furniture and going through every drawer, vacuuming them, closet...your get it. It was a huge project. During the time that I was cleaning their room, I had an a-ha moment, where everything lined up and made sense to me. You see, my daughters, as much as it pains me to say, like most 10 and 11 year olds, are not the tidiest children. They are messy and they are disorganized. It would be easy to hear this and think well, make them clean, do, keep it up - whatever the story may be. The "truth" about the outward appearance is not one of disorganization, but the deeper TRUTH is this. I am the reason that they are like this. Swallow that. Take it in. Bask in it.
When I started going through the period of 4 under 4, my girls were 2 and 3. I was in survival mode. I basically lived to keep going. On autopilot. One foot in front of the other. I had many things to do, with very little help (literally it was me all day for years - with my hubby working two jobs, through most of this time). In the midst of diapers, food, mess, screaming toddlers, crying babies, fighting siblings, ill-rested mamma, helping them religiously clean their room while doing other things was just something that was not high on my priority list. When I had a moment, I would do it, when I could not, their room was a mess - because of this, and the way that I was living during this time, I didn't give them the necessary tools, for them to learn how to maintain - I did it, and they came to a clean room: they didn't help me put things away, or keep tidy by putting stuff away after use . The learning process was not established.
Flash forward to now. How can I seriously get angry with them for something that I created? How can I criticize them for me not giving them the tools to know how to upkeep their things? How can I expect them to do something that I was not giving them? It's unreasonable...and it's unreasonable for me to expect them to know how to do that now. It's easy to take the path of you are old enough to do this. Why haven't you been maintaining it? Why are you guys so messy? Easy to project my issues and criticism to them, when the truth is that they see me leave things when I am too tired. I model this.
It's not time to point a finger at them when they learned that from me. It's time for me to put my big girl panties on, face my lessons, and learn to be more consistent now - with myself, as well as with helping them learn how, by offering them the help now. Help them learn through action how to maintain and give them the tools to keep up. My role is not to judge them, because I then I would also be judging myself: and the truth is also that during that I had 4 under 4, I was not emotionally or physically able to handle so many things - and learn to be a connected mom. Something had to give...and it was not going to be my behavior with them. We can only keep moving forward and growing from it all. I have to take responsibility for what I put in there: emotionally, intentionally, actively, passivly. I can't expect from them what I didn't model and maintain myself. I can only grow with them now.
So many times we wonder why certain things are happening, why our children are reacting in the way that they are, and most of the time, the reasons are right in front of us...next to mindset, taking full responsibility of my energy and contributions in the lives of my children is the next important part of being a conscious mamma. Learning to understand the big picture, is my specialty, but applying it in day to day interactions is where the magic is.
Cleaning their room and having the memories of that time, and knowing how all of these habits happened, helps me keep moving forward with more clarity, without causing them the harm or hurting their feelings with hurtful words, due to frustrations for assumed behavior. For me it was my daughters room - and everyone has a different story and different "room to clean." For some it starts with something as simple as child behavior, for others it's emotional stories about the process that they are going through. But everything that is happening and has happened has a beginning and a reason - and when we're trying to understand behavioral things or reasons for various reactions or issues that we are having with our children - the first place to look first, is within ourselves - and take responsibility for our role.
This week, in my FB group Soul Centered Mamma Tribe, I am going to be covering some of these aspects, and the ways that we can learn from them and how to move forward with our children. If you'd like to see more of this, join our tribe today. Or if you'd like to go deeper with me about an issue that you're having with your child, click HERE for a clarity call, or HERE for spirit or soul reading.
We all know that we want to be the best parent possible...that's a given. No one sets out to be short tempered, frustrated, or a parent who feels that they are always fighting with or against their child...but the thing is that these moments happen - and over the last few weeks, in talking to various moms, I've realized that what most moms need in order to not be "that mom" is not to learn stop their child's behavior, but to stop their own reactions so that they can react to their kids with love and understanding. We naturally want harmony, but, we sometimes don't know how to get to this point...today I am going to share with you the reason why you may have a hard time reacting in a way that lines up with the kind of parent that you want to be...Are you ready? Here it is. Until you either 1) deal with whatever emotions you are feeling (parenting or non-parenting related) and/or release them, or 2) learn how to feel them deeply without allowing them to bubble up: is it hard to stop reacting, lashing out or continuing the behaviors that you want to stop. Why? Because your reactions don't come from what your child is doing, but from the emotions that you have within you.
Some sage, or guru (I can't remember which one) said that we are the only ones that have control over our emotions, and I believe that this is true - but the problem is that we have been taught to fight the emotions and the issues in our lives and to turn a blind eye. We've been taught to ignore them and keep pushing on because feeling not ok, it not ok...but this is where we can often run into our reactions. It's hard to control your emotions and reactions when you bury them to the point that you don't know why you're feeling...I am sure that if you look back at any time when you were having a hard time keeping your cool with your kid(s) it was probably not because you wanted to be crazy mom or because your child was doing anything that is uncommon for children, but because at that part of your life, you were probably having some sort of an issue with something, and you didn’t understand it - I bet that if you could take back the reaction right now, you would, choosing to react instead in another way; because the truth of the matter is that that moment wasn't really about what your child was doing, but about the cloud that you were under. Understanding typical child behavior or understanding your mindset will help, but ultimately learning to identify your emotions and normal reactions is what will help you put together the entire piece of the puzzle.
So the trick is actually not to make your child behave or learn to control their behavior, but to learn to understand your reasons and reactions, differentiate their behaviors from your emotions and reactions and be calm and peaceful whenever possible...the bonus is that it doesn't only help them, but it helps you grow as a person and become more joyful too.
If you want to learn tips to learn how to release your emotions, join me in my FB group: Soul Centered Mamma Tribe, where the theme for this week is going to be learning how to understand how your feelings are affecting you, how to spot them, and get a few tools to help you start to understand your feelings and stop your instant reactions.
If you want direct help with something, a soul or spirit baby reading, click here, to book a time today.