All the mammas that I talk to, have one thing in common: they want to stop struggling in parenting, while doing the best that they can - coupled with the desire to raise children who are happy well adjusted. We all want to do the best that we can, and be available to meet our children's needs, but also learn how to react to our challenges in a way that teaches them self sufficiency and confidence to grow as a human beings (while learning how to react in a way that will help their children, and not push them away).
The problem is that so many of us feel like we are reaching, and coming back empty handed - we feel lost and confused with every step that we take (because we have not been given the tools to navigate our relationships with them, in connected ways)...but what if I told you that there was a way that you can side-step all of the ifs and whats, and get directly to the core of where you are going? What if I told you that there was a way for you to actually bypass all of the questions and get right into the purpose and work on that?
When my kids were small (I had 4 under 4), I remember that there was a point in the journey where all I did was analyze. I analyzed every part and thread of everything that was happening in my life, and in theirs. I got to the point that I started to connect the dots in our lives, and understand that everything that I was doing, all of their reactions and behaviors (appropriate age development stuff aside), and the everyday things that we were living and experiencing, were all part of something greater - and all were part of an undoing or redefining life for us, according to each other. I understood that my reactions to typical things created patterns that were defined by what I was viewing, and that this definition could either set us free from old behaviors, or could keep up stuck and locked into what I knew before (creating the things that I wanted to stop) - and this individual journey with each child, helped me learn to start to understand our lives - and myself - in another way. I began to understand that there were reasons for some of the things that were happening grater than what I was viewing in the moment, and made a choice to start to look for the purpose and to line up with that - what I found was that this was the key to my parenting woes. Learning to understand the purpose and our journey.
This right here is part of why you're here - to understand your soul journey and purpose with your child and to grow together. I have spoken to a countless amount of moms who input peaceful parenting and gentle methods only to feel frustrated and depleted, because they feel as if they are not doing something right - when the truth may be something completely different. They might be working on energies of things that need more than a method...and this is where I come in...my purpose is to help you understand your Soul Journey so that you can understand how to parent the child that YOU have - and understand the reasons why you are having certain challenges, and helping you to line up with the actions that will lead you both, to your highest good.
My purpose (aside from personal spiritual reason with my children), is to help mammas, understand and line up their soul journey's with their children:
- their soul contracts
- the work that they are doing together
- the old stories that they are leaving behind
- the family patterns that they are each here to do
- the energies that they are each here to balance for one another...
and learn how to put the action behind what they find, so that they can line up with what they are here to create.
You see, we each have an individual path, and our children come with theirs as well, and these paths are intertwined, together. We are here to uncover various parts of the tapestry that makes up our lives, leave behind habits that no longer work, and move into a life that is full of love - the problem is that sometimes, all of the supposed too's get in the way, and they clutter up what we think and we end up struggling and repeating patters. But it does not have to be that way. You can understand what is needed from you, what your purpose is, and move into that. You can stop struggling, although we will always face challenges in parenting (it's part of the contract), we can stop struggling and start moving into connection naturally - through awakening your grand design and learning how to flow into it.
Do you want to learn about your soul journey, understand your purpose and line up with it, so that you can put in the action steps behind it, and flow into the natural connection and flow of your relationship? You can book a time to talk to me here - you don't have to do this alone, or feel like a failure. I promise, there is a purpose - and it's all part of the divine tapestry of life...let's tap you in and get you into the flow - so that you can be the mamma that you know you are in your heart.
In last week's blog post: 3 Reasons for Why Peaceful Parenting May Not Be Working for You I talk about how the hardest work to do, is the emotional and spiritual part of parenting - and I stand firm in that belief. Because you see, I can go through physical motions all day long, but the part that matters and makes a difference is the internal stuff. The hard stuff. The stuff that takes emotional work and introspection. It takes self awareness and responsibility. Looking at all of the feelings and emotions that are present within my home, and figuring out a way to actually make the necessary changes to affect the happenings in a positive way - and that is hard.
There is no way around it - parenting is tough work. There are countless factors and things getting in the way the mix, that make us question ourselves and what we are doing constantly. We question every single thing that we do, what we say, how we say it, and ultimately make ourselves batty at times, wondering if we're doing things the right way...and all we want to do is the right things for our kids.
From the outside looking in, those who get a glimpse of me and my interactions with my kids (mostly my tribe of awesome rockin' mammas in my group Soul Centered Mamma Tribe) get to see and hear my kiddos in the background and see the awesomeness that is them, but here's the thing, that even though it seems like if everything is always fluffy white clouds, and pink animated hearts in my home, the truth is that I and we, have moments that can become difficult too. I have 5 children under 11 - this includes tweens, twins and a 3 year old. We have moments of cranky and exhaustion and of too much for the day - it happens - but what I have learned over the years is that no matter what is going on in my house, it is me who sets the tone for what unfolds, and the way that things are perceived.
You see, being a gentle/connected/peaceful parent does not mean that I do not feel the things that everyone else feels, or have rough moments, but I've learned how to use the rough moments to help me move forward. I feel all of the same things that we all feel when we are frustrated or triggered, but I've learned how to discipline myself to react in ways that help me understand what's going on, and in ways that create the behaviors that I want vs., the reactions that come on autopilot (the ones that were handed down from our parents or caregivers). It requires learning how to understand what I have going on internally, learning how to understand where my kids are at the moment, understanding where they are developmentally, understanding my mindset and using my own brand of "tricks" to tune into what my kids need. Spiritual parenting is a whole life activity, and although there are challenging times - there are and will always be challenging times, we can choose what to input into those moments consciously, and be the models and teach our kids the things that we want them to mirror as they grow - and yes it does take work. There is no such thing as a one stop shop method where all your worries and behavioral issues will go away, but you can start to understand why things are happening, so that you can start to tune into what you want and input into your home and child what you intentionally want to create...and yes it's difficult, but it is so possible...I woke up this morning to this beautiful message in my inbox, from a fellow mamma, who's been in rough spots, but has learned so much from my soul readings and group that she felt called to message me.
On this note, I have also had the distinct pleasure to have been mentioned on MaishaHudson.com, after I did a soul reading for her and her son. She was so pleased and happy that about her reading that she wrote about it Here. Please take a moment to read about it.
If you are curious about a soul reading, you can learn about them, and schedule them HERE...and if you are want to schedule a clarity call, to learn how I can help you in your parenting journey, you can do that HERE. You don't have to feel alone in your parenting, or struggle unnecessarily - schedule a time to talk with me today.
I have had the privilege to speak with a lot of mammas who have told that although they like the peaceful parenting approach, they feel like if they're either doing it wrong, of as if it does not work for their families - and in all of these instances, I have come to the same conclusion, that no, it does not work for everybody. Now. Before you just down my throat, and go into a typing frenzy, let me explain...
It's not the the methods are faulty or that there is something inherently wrong with them, but what does happen at times, is that there is something greater that is going on, something that the approaches don't always touch upon - the issues which can come as a result of generational patterns, emotionally engrained family stories, or the child's soul purpose here on Earth - in fact, just recently I did a soul reading for a mother and son, in which the mother was struggling with her son emotionally, and for which she blamed herself immensely, when the fact is, that the son was here to teach her to release her grip and learn to view the world, behaviors, and control in another way. In their case the mom was convinced that the gentle parenting approaches were not working when the truth is that there were other factors at play.
So, today I have decided to give you three reasons as to why peaceful/ gentle/connected parenting may not be working for you:
1) Not understanding spiritual lessons:
I have learned time and time again, that when there are certain things that are plaguing a parent and child, it's because they are a) trying to release the parent from an old habit or behavior that they cannot/refuse to release, or b) replaying an unconscious story from older generations, or something that comes as a result of cellular memory - aspects in which methods don't work. c) some of the issues within the the child maybe lessons for the other parent, and the parent who is doing the work may only be touching or affecting in the surface and not deeply. Sometimes the methods, in light of this, are a bandaid, because the methods are only covering the surface of an issue.
2) Parents have a hard time doing the work:
The hardest work to do, is not physical, but emotional and spiritual. Allowing yourself to feel the feelings attached to reactions and to your auto responses and releasing them completely Allowing yourself to get the the core, of why your child my be behaving in a certain way, understanding the deep feelings attached to behaviors and allowing the full release of them in order to keep moving forward. This is necessary. When we are not allowing the full range of feelings, purposes, or emotions, that are attempting to come up, in the ways that they need to, but bury them within instead, the full purpose or change does not happen - therefore creating an emotional loop.
3) Not caring for yourself in a way that will allow your healing to heal those around you.
Mothers ARE the spiritual nexuses is their homes. We are the creators, the birthers, the feelers, the intuers, the emotional and spiritual keepers in our homes. When we learn how to balance ourselves, and feel into what a moment needs we transform and alchemize our homes from within - I have done it (and will always be doing it, because it is life time work) - but it is not possible to transmute the energies that you are looking to change, if you are not in your calm and space of power - and releasing that within you that needs to be released. When you don't heal from within you can't heal that without. As the saying goes, we are mirrors of each other - what you view in me, is a reflection of you. Learning to release old hurts, patterns and habits for ourselves - through self care and self love - create ripple effects inner units - when we don't don't care for ourselves in a way to allow release, we continue he pattern - and see and reflect them with and from our children.
My work is with moms and children is deeply connected with spirituality and learning to understand the energies within the parent child relationships, and working with those things to help bring the highest possible outcome for the parents that I work with. It's how I was able to transform my home from one of friction and struggle into one of harmony - even when there are rough times. It's not a walk in the park to have 5 homeschooled kids, it's work, and it's work that I am committed to doing - even when it's hard and even when I don't want to - because it's important and part of my mission, and my responsibility (especially if my goal is to raise children who are free from the chains of the past, but full of the strengths and lessons).
When I coach a mamma it comes from this place of helping her understand the purposes for their reasons in their lives, and then creating a program to help them work with the things that we discover, so that they can release what's not working, align themselves with the energies of what they want to create, or learn to grow into the potential that is already there.
Do you want to know more? Do you want to book a soul reading for your child or book a clarity call with me today, to help you understand what's going on within your relationship and why gentle/peaceful/connected parenting may not be working for you? You can do so HERE. I can't wait to talk with you :) If you know anyone that needs to talk, help or that you can think of that will benefit from this article, don't forget to share :D
Don't forget to join my tribe of conscious mammas for support, connection and help at, Soul Centered Mamma Tribe.
In the conscious parenting community, there seems to be a gloss-over, over the fact that parenting can be hard sometimes. There are countless posts online, that talk about the various outcomes that some of the negative behaviors that we parenting can accidentally or unintentionally intentionally inflict into our children's subconscious, with things like yelling, blaming, or not understanding out children's feelings: the problem is that there is so much talk about what can happen to our children in the future, but no one talks about how WE the parent can actually CHANGE the behavior that we want to stop in the first place - and no one wants to talk about, the fact that in order to actually make the changes that we want to make in our homes, we must fact the dark times, because they actually teach us HOW to make the changes, or where to start. So today, I'll tell you...
It starts with understanding that everything that happens is a lesson, and that dark times, are our teachers. You see, we have been taught in one way or another, that we should not feel bad or down, or worse yet, that feeling these ways means that we're doing something wrong (we've been taught to hide from the "bad" feelings) the problem is that like with anything in life these times are also a part of the process, and the more that we fight what's happening, the harder the things become. The more I understood this, the more I understood that the dark times in my life, were actually teaching me something - and although it might not feel great - these times were important, because it meant that I was going through a change, learning to view something in another way, or growing into another part of me - something that can only happened when I accepted the uncomfortable moments, and took what I needed out of them.
One of the hardest parts of my life was when I had four small children under four. During this time, my kids were all very needy of me, I was alone the entire day, had no help, and I didn't have the ability to change my situation. During this time all I did, day in and day out was clean up messes, stop sibling fights, and prepare food. It was a very hard period, in which I wanted to run away most of the time - and because I knew that I was the sole person responsible, I figured out that I had to do something because in my struggle, I was starting to feel trapped...and so, I stopped running from my feelings, and I began to look within to find the answers to the questions I was feeling, and look for the active solution...and what I found was that when I learned to look within, the answers to the issues were within me all of the time. I learned that I was responsible for the experiences in my life, and that I had choices that I didn't think of. I learned that the times that I was experiencing were helping me get rid of a parts of myself that were no longer needed, and that I was birthing a new me - all I had to do was face the hard moments, to go within to figure out what they were trying to tell and me and make the changes necessary to line up with the happiness that I wanted to create - and the next part of the puzzle, was learning how to feel, without having it take over my home, and learning how to make the changes necessary to keep moving forward. The trick was to stop hiding or running from the feelings, and learning how to feel into them (while using tools to stop myself from loosing it with my kids) AND accepting the lessons that the moments were gifting me.
This week in my group Soul Centered Mamma Tribe, I am going to be talking about this more in depth, if you'd like to learn more, please join. Or if you'd like to have a one on one talk with me, or have a spirit baby reading, please GO HERE to contact me and schedule a time to talk.