That's the way that I roll...for a long time, I have been parenting backwards. I started with a grand view, and moved inwards. You see I discovered this secret tip, a few years ago. I can't exactly say where or how I came up with this brilliant idea, only that I did and it's been working wonders in my family. Ok Ok. Let me clarify. You see, the way that I parent my children is that I treat them the way that I want them to become, or how I see them in the future.
Let me get into the fun stuff now. One of my favorite quotes of all time is Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's:
"When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what's inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what's inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what's inside."
I discovered this little trick a few years before I read that quote of Dr. Dyer's but the sentiment, is still as important. I realized when I was a moody and grumpy mama, somewhere a long the line, that what I was putting in was what I was getting out - here came the epiphany: I intrinsically understood that if I wanted to put love, happiness, hope, forgiveness, understanding, empathy etc., etc., etc., into my children, that I had to do it first, within myself, and then pour it onto them - of course this is hard. Simply because sometimes, we are working with those exact vessels (or oranges, in the case above) that we are trying to remove from our children. Often we justify saying that our children should do what we say, because we are the adult and we know better - but do we really? I have realized that in this game of life, I am always figuring things out as I go...as they are.
So I started to parent backwards. Instead of trigger reacting - I began to think about the way that I want my children to react in the future. Is the way that I am going to react something that I want my children to emulate? We all know that children do not do as we say, they do as we do - and this led me down into a never ending rabbit hole of understanding behavior, learning to undo mine, and learning to understand their behavior and reactions in a new light: as well as my reactions and the reasons to my reactions - so that I can learn to react in a different way.
Everyday is a new adventure, and a new day that we're experiencing, and yet, we hold fast to the idea that we know is because we are the "wiser" ones in the picture - or yet we have been led to believe. You see the truth is that when we realize the simple truths that we are the ones putting in the "orange juice," only then can we begin to heal.