Last night, I learned a lesson in paying attention and listening that I will never forget. My 9-year-old daughter has the habit of not making her bed until the very last minute of sleep - a habit that makes me nuts. Every night, I remind her countless times to fix her bed before getting tired or getting ready to sleep...sometimes she does it, sometimes she does not. She has admitted to me that she detests fixing her bed, and this is why it often takes her so long - tonight was no different.
As I walked by her room, everyone already asleep, I peek into her room and see her sitting on her bed: bed unmade, and daughter fiddling around with paper. I open the door and say to her, that her bed should've been made hours before, and that she should stop being lazy and just get it over with and fix her bed. Now, my daughter, without batting an eye, sits up, smiles and says, "mami, I have something for you." To my surprise, it's a card. She was sitting on her bed, writing cards out for everyone in our family, and had just finished my card, and had it ready to give to me.
Now, I feel like an asshole. I look down at this card, and then back over at my beaming baby! The most important thing to her, is me reading that card. Not that I called her lazy about fixing her bed (even though its killing me!). Not that in a few minutes time she has to dreadfully fix her bed, and definitely not the fact that judged her actions before I was aware of what she was doing.
As I opened and red her card, I heart fully apologized for calling her lazy and for jumping to conclusions...she said that it was ok, and waited for my reaction. As I read her words of love to me, I cried, smiled and then kissed and hugged her. I told her my feelings, and about joy-filled her card made me.
I often feel very proud about changing my mothering habits: going from being a hitter and yeller to a peaceful and gentle parent, but these moments like this remind me that the journey has many roads and bumps along the way, all leading to healing my relationship with them and my self. The more open and honest I am with her, the more that she teaches me to be a better mother, for her and to my other children. My daughter did not think twice about my unfortunate choice of words, but I did, and I will from now one. As a homeschool mom, its easy to think that I'm teaching her and her siblings all day long, but the truth is that she and all of my children, teach me in more ways than they know. Opportunities for growth are eerywhere, sometimes, we just have to adjust our lense.
Have you recently had a moment like this with your child? I would love to hear about it! Please share in the comments below.