There is no question about it, parenting is one of the hardest things that humans can do. From all of the tasks that we assign ourselves, and are given, raising a human being is difficult. Often it can be hard to pinpoint the reason why. We think that it has to do with the child's behavior. Or the never ending list of things to do, or the fact that it never seems to end...but does it really have to be so hard?
I have learned that what makes parenting so hard, is not the child (or our children) but rather the story that we have adopted of what or who our children should be. What they aught to be doing, and in the manner in which they should behave. It is the fact that we have already created a story of what should happen, and have a list of expectations about their "proper behavior," that often causes us unnecessary grief - a lot of the time.
So often, we are try to mold them into someone or something that we fail to see who they already are. We remove from them, who they are, while removing the pleasure of getting to know them, and their beautiful complex natures.
I find that when I treat my children like human beings, and not as people to mold or make to fit into something, I learn a lot about my child and about who I am as well...
you see, the actual reason that so many of us have issues with our children, is because we first have to parent ourselves. We have to learn to understand our emotions, their origins, and the reasons to why we behave in certain ways - so that we don't pass these things down to them.
The real reason is because our actions towards our children have a great impact on the way that they view themselves. Because they watch what we do not what we say; because our impact and what we put into them, carries down the line; and because they learn to interact with others, by the way that we interact with and treat them.
Parenting is hard, not only because we are raising human beings, but because we are learning to undo our stories in the process - and when we don't we can create unnecessary tension, reasons to rebel, or a reason to fight with us - and rather than having an impact, we can - without wanting to - push them away. When we learn to start to understand them, while learning to relate and understand them, as early as possible we release ourselves, as well as them from repeating unnecessary patterns - starting from within, and undoing old behaviors, is where it starts.
I know, it's hard. Most of us were not given these examples going up. Most of us learned to react. We learned to ignore. We learned to not trust or listen to our children. We learned to treat them in a way that disconnects us from them, creating more of the behavior that we don't want...but the great thing is that is can be unleaded. You can learn to listen to that inner knowing. You can learn to understand your needs as well as your child's needs. And. You can learn to silence that voice that is telling you sweet little lies, and learn to bring joy back into parenting once again.
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Let me know your thoughts below :) I can't wait to hear them.