Healing your body, mind and soul after a negative birth experience can be very challenging. Your experiences maybe have you feeling empty, alone, heartbroken or even depressed or traumatised? Maybe you feel like a complete failure, or completely disconnected from your little one? Let me tell you honey, whatever it is you are feeling, it is ok! It is ok, not to be ok! But it is also ok to want to move forward and let go of what no longer serves you.
I have been working with women all around the world, supporting them to heal their (birth)trauma. There are many things we can do to help you move forward to start your healing journey, but most importantly I want you to know is that you are not alone! You are not the only one who is feeling like this and you will get through this. But what can you do? When you feel in such a dark place? Let’s talk about my 3 favourite tips to help you get started;
Tip 1 – listen to your body
What you feel does matter, how you feel also matters, in fact you matter! Start tuning into your body and listen to what it is telling you. Do it right now, just for a minute or 2. I will wait... Close your eyes and feel.
Do you feel angry? Why are you angry? What is behind the anger? Or is it sadness? Or fear? Keep peeling away the layers and keep going until you get to your core. What is it what you need? Do you need to rest? Mourn? Go outside for a walk? Take up some new hobbies? Whatever it is, you need to start giving this to yourself.
Your body can hold onto a traumatic experience, even years after. You can feel this anywhere in your body, but what I see most often is sadness in the chest area, and guilt in the stomach. Our bodies do this, in case something similar happens again, so it can respond quickly right away to keep us safe.
If those feelings aren’t dealt with, it can lead to long-term health problems. That is why it is crucial to make time for yourself each day, to recognise these signs and paying the attention they deserve.
Tip 2 – Do what you love
The next step for you is to start doing what you enjoy again. What did you use to enjoy? Do you still enjoy it? If not, what would you like to start doing? It doesn’t have to cost a lot; it can be as simple as getting out some pen and paper out and making a beautiful drawing. Or maybe make yourself a lovely cup of tea of those tea leaves in the back of your cupboard you have been saving for ‘later’. Your time is now lady, and you need to put yourself first.
I love to use the example of a beautiful rose bush in this case. If the bush doesn’t row right, do we blame the bush? Do we tell the rose how worthless she is? Or do we help her, nurture her, replace her soil, give her water, food and the attention she needs to grow and blossom her beautiful flowers? You need to treat yourself like the beautiful roses! You can’t poor from an empty cup, so start filling it with what you need.
Tip 3 – I am Love
Stop telling yourself that you can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t afford it, I can’t [....] fill in the blank. For the next 4 weeks, I want you to start telling yourself that you can. I can be happy, I can put myself first, I can make that available in my budget. And maybe after those 4 weeks, you want to start saying yourself that “I am happy, I am beautiful, I love you [your name]” when looking into the mirror. Start loving yourself, the good, the bad and everything in between.
You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be happy.
Susanne Grant is an International Birth & Healing coach and specialises in (Birth) Trauma, PTSD & Body Issues. She supports women all around the world during pregnancy and after birth, providing them with the tools to heal (sexual) abuse & trauma as well as traumatic births. We felt Susanne would be the perfect addition to our website and we asked her to write this beautiful guest blog for you, in which she will share her 3 tips on how to heal birth trauma.
*This image does not belong to Soul Centered Mama. We do not claim any rights to it.
The most powerful thing that a woman can have, in her child rearing years, is a tribe. There. I said it…I remember when my children were all small, the years of four under four…as I like to call it…were some of the hardest years of my life, because these were the years that I was in the thick of it.
All of my children were young. They all needed me all of the time, and I felt that I had very little to give.
I was tired most of that time. I was sleep deprived. I had very little to no help, and everything depended on me. And for a long time, I felt like I was coming apart.
This was the time that I needed the most help, and support and yet, I had none. I was alone most of the time, when I needed sisterhood and community the most…
…because these years, these formative years when our children are younger, the time when their emotional state is created, the foundation for their lives, is when mothers should receive nurturing and caring support, so that they can be as balanced as possible.
But instead the reverse is true. This is the time when a lot of us, are lacking a solid support.
The damage that has been done to motherhood, on many levels, has ensured that we are alone when we need help the most.
A lot of our communities are damaged. The matriarchs of old, are broken, and the tribes that held us up, when it is most needed is no longer available.
Instead what we have is brokenness.
We have competition, we have hurt, we have others protecting their truth onto us.
We have mothers and women who are stuck in loops of pain from the past, who can no longer sustain the village that is needed…and the damage shows.
The pain that is in us, from the loss of tribe and connection, reverberates though us and our children.
It is a loud echo that is felt deeply in the hearts of our collective womanhood.
But today, I proclaim that this is no longer an option.
Today, I state publicly that we need to do better.
Today, I am giving mothers what I needed in those days of four under four.
I am giving you a tribe.
A tribe that listens to you while you heal.
A tribe that helps you when you are down.
A tribe that listens to you, and says "I see you sister.”
A nurturing community.
A sacred space…online. Because many of us, don’t have the option of leaving our children with someone…and mostly because this is the way that is easiest for many to gather - for now...
A space where you can come and learn about the delicacies that is childhood, childhood behavior and how to grow with your child, about yourself and how to release what doesn’t serve you, all while receiving the support of sisterhood.
Support that builds. Support that grows. Support that sees you where you are, and lifts you while you learn about how to be the best mama for your child, understand yourself and them…all while holding you, in a sacred space, while you grow.
Today, I announce that the SCM Sacred Motherhood Tribe, is officially open for enrollment.
It’s time that we come together as a whole and nurture each other where we are. Where we learn to give and receive love, in the ways that we want to give it to our children, while we learn how to be the best mother possible for our children…in the way that we deserve. Sisterhood that builds.
Time to grow from sacred sisterhood that heals…and it all begins Thursday, March 16th.
Do you want to learn more Go here.
P.S. The video for our Empowered Mama Workshop Series, SHADOW is available now! Click here to see.
Over the last few weeks - ever since I introduced the Ancestral/Matriarchal Lineage Soul Reading - I have been gaining a deeper understanding about myself and my role in my maternal line. The world has opened up and I am understanding, the complexities and energies of my role in the bigger picture of what I am doing. I can see with more clarity how the past choices of my mother (and her mother before her) brought us to the spaces that we are in today, as well as how I do the same with my children…it’s almost line I can see the decisions, thoughts and actions manifest…and my connection to the world as a whole and to other mothers and their daughters has also been expanded.
A few days ago, I decided to skim through the movie Lovelace - something that has been happening to me more and more…the desire to watch movies (I rarely watch movies, or TV - but have been called to, over the last few weeks), and this movie was one of them. It is the real life story of a young woman gets married to a abusive and controlling man, who pushed her into doing pornography…and about the abuse that she suffered a result of him and how she got out of it *if this king of stuff triggers you, please don’t watch the movie - I assure you I had to skip thorough most of the movie because I am very sensitive to these themes and stories* …now I know that you’re thinking, ‘ Okay, what does this have to do with anything?’ Well to put it simply, somewhere along the story, before she is able to actually get away from the abuse, she decided that she wanted to get away from her husband and the abuse, and she went to her mother to ask for a place to stay: she describes some of the abuse that she is going through with her husband, to which her mother responds, “well what did you do?”, proceeding to remind her that women must be obedient to their husbands and other things along this line.
At the end of the movie, once the character is free from the abusive husband, and is talking about her experience, she is asked the question by a TV host, regarding how she ended up the porn industry and why she allowed the husband to dictate to her what she did, to the extent that she did, her response was 'I grew up thinking that I had to be obedient to my husband.’ Stating somehow that she was taught not to question and to comply…and for me, it all came down to the reality that, no matter how much we try to avoid it, the decisions that we make, the way that we treat and react to, and the thoughts, habits and energies that we put into our children, have an effect - and the energies of these things carry further than we understand at the moment that they are happening.
After doing some research, after the movie, I learned that the mother of the protagonist was a devoutly religious women, who’s views on marriage and life, were very rigid and shaped her daughter to the point that she felt, in her Self, that she had no choice other than to obey her abuser…yes, it’s easy to say well, she didn’t have to. Or to think well, she could’ve always escaped and not have followed what was taught to her, but I ask you:
How many of us, unconsciously create and act out what we viewed as children? Or how many times do you react in a way that remind you of your mother? Things that you thought or swore that you would never do or say to your children, make it’s way our of your mouth or came up as actions?…
In order to make the changes necessary in our lives, to escape the conditioning that was input into us as children we must really dig within and question everything about us: thoughts, beliefs, meanings of ourselves, the role that the people around us play…it is a very involved process.
The story of her life has brought me back to the reminder that the things: ideas, examples, thoughts, etc., have a lasting effect of who they are.
As I step away from her perspective, the protagonist and move into a space of understanding her mom, and I think about how she must’ve felt to know that the belief system that she inputted into her daughter caused to much pain for the both of them:
this also connects me to the pain that must’ve been inputted into the mom from childhood (to grip an ideology so heavily as a saving grace), as well as the pain that this must've caused her (the protagonist) children, and the healing that must’ve had to happen or is probably still happening, I am amazed by the grander off all of this.
Spiritually, as a channel I see, and understand the bigger picture:
This was necessary in part of the the human consciousness in order to help women release some of the baggages of bondage to the patriarchy that was apparent throughout the entire movie: her mother’s, as well as the use of her body by being objectified the way that it was. I understand that this journey was necessary to help her get into a space where she grew stronger through the lack of strength. She was forced to climb through the trenches in life, to find her voice, for her maternal line, who had none, and to help other women, through a book that she eventually wrote, to help victimized and abused women in the world…
But as a mother and a woman, I am reminded that this moment, NOW, is where the things change. It’s where the stuff happens, and it can only happen when I change myself, so that my junk is not passed onto my children - and this movie was a great reminder of this concept.
When I started to move into a space of becoming a more in-tuned mama in order to change the things that I didn’t want to input into my children, the first place that I started was in becoming in-tuned with myself. I began to listen to myself, my stories, my thoughts, and my feelings…I began with stripping myself from the things that no longer served my children. I took their behavior as my guides. I allowed myself question myself and question my actions…I learned to become empowered by learning how to empower my children. I learned how to understand what was happening around me, and tuned into my inner world, and into the things that made my family, my lineage as well as my children…and I know that it’s time for more of us to do this inner work as well.
To understand how our choices, affect our children in the future. TO do away with the junk within ourselves that no longer serves us. To empower ourselves and our children and the coming lineage.
I know that it is no coincidence that the Ancestral/Maternal Lineage Soul Readings have been brought to life at this moment. Because the time for them is right. Now more than ever, we: Mothers/Woman are ready to step into our power. To understand the things that shaped us at one point, understand they why’s, connect with our lineage, energetically, release what no longer serves, and move into our power so that our children can grow in the world, free from the chains of the past.
I was fortunate to find a space when my children were younger where I learned how to claim my power, and I want to share with you how to do this also…
Myself and two shamanic teachers, have put together a video series, and workshop called the Empowered Mama, where we will be helping mamas step into this space. We will be giving them get the tools to step into a space where they are empowered in their journey, by helping the access the things that they are here to heal and move forward from, with their children.
Because it is time for us to move into our power. To do the work that we are here to do, and learn how to release the things that no longer serve us - to heal ourselves and our children. To learn more about this video series, as well as the 2 day workshop in NY go here.
Or if you want to receive a Ancestral/Matriarchal Linage Soul Reading, or learn more about them, go HERE.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.