Today I want to discuss with you, what I like to call an inconvenient parenting truth: the fact that there are no real quick parenting solutions. Sure, there are methods out there, that may help us stop some of the behavioral stuff that's going on with our children NOW, but the simple truth is that in order for us to have the peaceful, harmonious homes that we desire in the long run, the real solutions are slow and steady - like the tortoise and the hare...and although it seems like a bad thing, it's not, it's a great thing, allow me to elaborate...
...when most parents look for help regarding the behavioral stuff that they want to stop, control or understand regarding their children. They want to stop the behavior that is making them feel like they are loosing it, so that they can have more ease in their homes and with their children. But the truth of the matter is that looking for these things, is the equivalent of using a bandaid on a scratch. Sure you're covering the scratch for a moment, and stopping the blood, but when you cover it with a bandaid, it is still underneath, raw and unhealed. The purpose of the bandaid is to help you keep it clean while it is bleeding, but not to leave it covered infinitely. The only way to heal that scratch is to eventually open it, clean it, and expose it to the air so that it can dry and heal...
...the same can applies to a lot of behavioral stuff. Until we get to the core of WHY our children are behaving in the ways that they are, they will continue to do so, over and over again. Why? Because by addressing the behavioral stuff and trying to stop it, you've never address the problem that they are having to begin with. For example, you can have two children who throw "tantrums" when their toy is taken away by their sibling, and both react in similar ways: crying, screaming, stomping, throwing things, hitting, etc., all dependent on the age, but until you get to the core of WHY your specific child is behaving this way, methods or ways to pacify, will always still result in the same action - or in other ways, depending on how they were reacted to or perceived. For instance, one child my be insecure, and the feeling of having their things taken from them, may make them feel powerless, or badly about who they are. The other may feel possessive, because they had it first, and how dare the other person take their stuff away from them. If we're not addressing the the reason and meeting the child where they are, and helping the issue that they are having, it will be hard to get to the core and address the behavior properly...these things always have more than one layer, of course, and require much patience and observation from the part of the people that are around them.
The great news is that this doesn't matter that these things take time, because when you get to the core of what's happening and get to the real reason for the struggles that happen from time to time, you will intuitively understand the purpose, and it won't feel like a struggle. You will be at a place where you feel more at ease, and these moments will give you a new perspective on your lives, and allow you to connect with your child on a deeper level and the challenges will not be struggles, but will become instead, moments that bring connection.
A quick way to get to a space where you start to understand the core of where a lot of behaviors come from with your specific child, is to start asking them how something made them feel: "how did _________ make you feel?" The habit of asking them how things make them feel gives you a clue into their inner world, and it helps you understand them - it will put you and them in a space where you're both learning to get to the core, rather than focusing on the behavior - which is always just a cover - and helps them start to understand their feelings, while taking accountability for them also. It will start a healthy internal dialog: in a world where many of us feel lost and disconnected from who we are, this practice alone can help us start to reconnect, on many levels. A bypass is a Soul Reading for your child, where I bring to you the core personality of your child by connecting you to their higher self in order to bring you laser clarity and immediate understanding, that way, you can begin to get to the core of what's going on in your home. But until then, starting to ask them how they feel about anything, after the intense moment has passed, will begin to get you there.
If you have any further questions, would like to learn about anything else, you can contact me at, firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you'd like to book a Soul Reading for your child, you can do so HERE or a Soulful Parenting Coaching Call HERE, where we can see if I can help you line up to the natural parenting flow, in your journey into becoming a Soul Centered Mama™.
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Let' grab a cup of tea.. or a glass of wine… get comfy and cosy shall we?
I need a space where we can be real, raw and honest. Where we can practice so we can go out and be just the same in the big wide world…
So let's jump in:
Are you a good mother? What is a good mother anyways? Parenting has become (with all good reason) a much debated topic. How to mother, how to parent… So who's to tell what's true and what's not?
I tell you who- children.
My parents used to say "what happened to our kids, why did we deserve this?" (two "problematic" kids from their point of view) . The old debate of nature vs nurture. They believed their parenting was good and that their kids grew up becoming rather problematic teenagers and adults is all on the kids and the "good" Universe.
So when I studied to become a psychologists this topic always deeply interested me.
I wanted to know: are my parents right? Am I really a messed up person? Was I born like this?
Now that i am the happy and utterly exhausted mom of a 2 year old, I got an answer for you Mr. Science. It's 99% nurture and 1% nature. Ok my numbers may be slightly off-
But the truth of it is unshakable. We are all born as open-minded, capable individuals who are meant for happiness and success. Then life happens.
Our children come with a plan, and they do carry their past lives etc . So it is not a 100% blank page. BUT. and it is a BIG but.. how this life turns out how they will turn out, and how they learn to manage what is given (aka. nature)- is mostly on us.
Being a mother is such a deep responsibility, there are days when I just want to hide under the blanket.. Especially on days when it's hard enough to drag myself out of bed and try to act like a normal human being.
However these hard days are the one that shed the light on the truth for me.
They say "Healer Heal Thyself" - how true. Same goes for mothers "Mother Heal Yourself" - or else ALL your unresolved issues will be given on for further generational enhancement for your kid.
It may be a harsh truth but it is true nevertheless.
If we hide from our issues, not only do we teach our kid to hide themselves, we also push it deep into our subconscious, where it will go ahead and affect us- affect our parenting.
There is no bad kid- only tired and insecure parent. (Trust me I KNOW by experience;)
I have noticed now as my little baby is not so little anymore, she started to show me what she has seen and learned in the past two years. She kisses the babies, pets the dogs, helps to clean etc a MILLION of amazing and cute traits.
Then the other day she was tired and frustrated, so she threw her doll and screamed "shit"… Oh shit….. *banging my head on the table". For a second I reminded myself that Pinks daughter says worst things. Than I also reminded myself that she is a pop star and I am a healer … Slightly different image...
After I calmed down and the initial panic subsided that I am messing up my kid- I fully realized and FELT my power. I am her God. Whatever I do, however I am she will follow. Sure, I kinda knew that. But it is more than that. My energy IS her energy. Our kids ARE mirroring our energy for a LONG time . So what do we show?
What do we do when we mess up?
How do we treat ourselves?
How do we handle bad days?
What do we do or say if we have been disrespected?
How do we treat our bodies?
Do we show affection to ourselves? To others?
And above all, how do we handle and treat ourselves when we deem our actions or behavior "less-then" in any way.
How we treat ourselves, they will treat themselves. How we treat others, they will copy.
EVERY word, EVERY day counts.
But isn't it a win-win? An amazing opportunity? LOVE YOURSELF- take GOOD care of yourself- and your child will be more than fine.
Be what you want her to be. Be what you want her to learn. Be the inspiration. Us parents of the new era have the super power to raise healthy kids. Healthy on every level. We all have dents. To a different degree but we have all encountered trauma. Some of us got a little shy from it, some of us may have become cautious. Some of us have developed serious health and psychological symptoms. We usually learn to manage them, but we rarely truly dive deep to resolve them. Whatever we don't resolve one (or all) children will "get it". Like the flu a little bit. So not only do we owe it to ourselves but to our children to stop. Take a good look ourselves with the loving and non judgmental eyes of a mother and let's get real. Where do we hold anxiety, anger, resentment or fear in our hearts or lives? Where are we insecure but try to hide it? One of the greatest tools of a conscious parent is what has become my motto " course correct, own your growth". We are actively growing. On this path of constant expansion it is totally ok to
*admit we were wrong and change our minds
*share our imperfections and our process of working through them
Even with our kids. While I am certainly not saying that we should weigh our kids down with adult problems, it is totally ok and I dare to say necessary to OWN our life in front of them.
Lately I have been going under quite a lot of stress. That is the exact time my toddler decided to drop her last nap…
Sometimes I am less patient than anyone would enjoy. So I stop. Breathe. Apologize. Explain. (during stressful times that is the other motto : Stop.Breathe.Aplogize.Explain.Move On.
"Mommy is tired, doing a lot of things and got upset. It is NOT your fault and I am sorry if I act mean.. Don't take it on yourself. You are a great baby" Next day my baby came to me when she saw I was tired and trying to hold it together. Stroke my face and said "night night". She actually helped me rest a little.
There is no such thing as perfect mother. But there is a conscious mother, who understands that healing yourself is number one priority for everyone. If you need more self-care- act now. Feel overwhelmed or battling any sort of condition? Get assistance. Look for conscious guides. Be open to your needs and your unresolved issues. One of the greatest things we can teach ourselves and our children is that it is never too late. every day counts and we can start over any given minute. May it be small or big the change we seek. We all fall, we all can rise again. We all have the magical and daunting gift of "free will". Whatever we hold in our heart and energy WILL manifest in all forms. That includes our children.
Who we are, they will become. What we hide from ourselves- they will become.
Great responsibility AND great opportunity. For all of us.
May your day be gentle, your heart full and your mind at ease.
We are enough as we are, may we have the courage to discover ourselves to the core <3
To learn more about her 1:1 "Soul Journey" coaching program, get on the waiting list, or be one of the first 10 participants or as I call them "travelers" whowill get 25% off and also a juicy bonus pack (6 months of remote healing + 250$ "gift card"), get in touch with her...
*To learn about how you can write for Soul Centered Mama™, go HERE.
Parenting when understood as an act of spirituality, can help us get in touch with our inner worlds, when we know what we are looking for. All of the readings that I conduct, are successful in helping parents with their children, not because there is a magical formula that comes about, but because the mamas are connected with the spirit and energy of their children and relationship, helping them realign with the parts that have become disconnected, the realization that most of the issues that we have with our children, happen not because we are inept parents, but because there is something that has become unaligned within, or that there is something that we are working towards, and the readings help bridge that.
Although I bridge the worlds and bring messages, so that mamas just like you can start to get clarity and understand the purpose of their relationship with their children, it is difficult to really understand how this happens and how it is that the unity to help propel them forward happens, unless you experience a reading for yourself. Today I want to help you understand this better.
One of the first things, that I do, whenever I have a baby, is that I go within and I tap into the essence of my child, and try to understand who they are and the energy that they carry so that I can get to know them intimately. This way, I understand the energy that they carry within themselves, and what they bring me and my life, once the baby is born. One of the next things that I do, is pull their astrology chart (something that I ONLY offer to coaching clients). I do this so that I can have a deeper understanding of who they are and their mission. I familiarize myself with this, so that I can understand how we are affecting each other, and what we are in each others lives to teach and learn. This is so important because as we all know, everyone that we come into contact with is teaching us something or helping us learn something - our children are no exception - they come with life-long lessons. For instance, one of the life-long lessons that my twins teach me is how to put in grounded work energy. I am by nature a very free spirited person - and they are in their pure essence very grounded and require stabilizing energies to feel balanced - I know that in order for them to feel stable, they need order and routine - this is a life lesson for me - because again, I am naturally free spirited. In understanding this, I can get rid of the feeling that there is something wrong with them, due to my propensity to be free spirited, and in turn I understand that they require stabilizing forces to keep them grounded, I provide them with the emotional support that they need, while they learn how to be more free spirited in their routined approach...we are balancing each other.
Understanding how the energies and the spirit within our family lives and our relationships is a HUGE part of learning how to balance our homes and our lives - and one of the biggest reasons that I am able to live in harmony with my children and with myself...it is also the reason that my readings help provide my clients with so much immediate clarity: they don't have to fumble around in the dark. You can get to the core of what you're doing for each other and start working from there...once you understand the purpose, you can start to put in the work to create the life that is going to help you both move forward in harmony...once I understood that my twins came to help me balance my work flow through practical everyday tasks, I no longer had to fight their need for routine and structure - I stopped the story that told me these boys are too rigid, and the story then became, these boys feel comfortable when they have a routine, they bring me to earth and help me stay grounded. In the long run, this energy has literally helped me build other parts of my life - for instance, they taught me how to put in the practical work, to be able to sustain a business - through the life lessons of having to be routined for them, I learned how to be practical in my work approach, and how to take the steps necessary to sustain something in the long run - rather than just slapping something together, and expecting it to come together magically - a free spirited trait - I learned how to keep going because of them, throughout the years.
Here's the thing, I know that the readings are pricy (there is a payment plan, you know), but what you get from them, is life altering information - right from the source (your child's higher self, your higher self). You learn about your energies, what you're each creating, working towards, and/or releasing. The information is priceless, because you are able to get to the heart of what you and your child need. You receive immediate clarity, and tap into something magical within. You view the grander picture. You get a whole life understanding of what you are each creating in your lives, and can move into a space of getting deep truths and moving into the magic that is naturally yours...here are just some of the results that some mamas have had after a reading...
I ask you, how can I be of service to you today? Where? In what area can I provide lazer clarity, and help you move into flow? I invite you to book your time today, and let me help you move into this space. Or if you've already had a reading, or are one of my tribe members and would like to gift one to a friend or family member, there is referral pricing available to you, and you can contact me HERE about this.
Book your time here, today.
I started off this post with the intension of elaborating on a video that I shared with my tribe Soul Centered Mama a few days ago, where I was talking about how language affects the way that we parent our children...but as life is, my toddler woke up as I started to write and completely derailed my thoughts - and something else came instead: this blog post is about that thing...
I found myself completely annoyed when my baby (he's three. he's a toddler. I call him baby) woke up, and feeling frustrated because I had to stop my thought process and the story with the words that I'd already written in my brain. My train of thought was derailed and here I was doing something other than what I set out to do. Then it hit me. This happens a lot. My frustrations when I intended to do something that wasn't possible at the moment. As I surrendered into the moment of putting him back to sleep, I introspected (my go to method) about how often this happens - frustration about not being able to do what I set out to do, and then the memory of my past reactions came flooding to me in an instant. Memories about past reactions of mine (interject past regrets turned into future lessons) came flooding in (goodbye frustration over stopping my intended blog post) - and I realized that many of my less than stellar moments in parenting came as a result of me not being in, and surrendering to the moment that I was living. This happened almost always, when I was in my head, trying to figure out how to finish, do, or get what I wanted vs actually being present in what is happening at the moment. This is something that happens to many of us, a lot.
One of my tribe members, posted about her frustrations because she had a huge list of to dos and a baby who is needing of her attention, and here my little one is causing me to stop my plans, and I have to do something other than what I thought I was going to do, and I must say that the likelihood of this is pretty grand considering that small children always need us - but nonetheless I find the timing to be synchronistic and almost magical - because you see, somewhere in my time to reflect upon her circumstances and my own similarities, I've come to remember the simple fact that the reason that I, and a lot of us suffer is because sometimes in the moment - with our children - we are trying to live in a moment that is not where we are. As seasons change, and certain times of the year invite certain feelings or times in our lives: i.e. summer: socialization, fall: introspection/shedding, winter: introspection/solitude, spring: renewal/rebirth, etc., the same is true with our families and times with our children...as the seasons we too have different periods in our lives - and within our families - that call for different modes...when I understood this a few years ago, it became one of the most freeing bits of knowledge that I was gifted, because some of the hardest periods in my life with my children came when I was trying to live in a "season' that was not conducive to the time that I was living.
I've gotten to the point where I realize that sometimes my home needs me to be hands on, and in others I will need be to be an observer. There are times where I have to schedule my personal time super late or very early in the morning, or times when my kids will be so into an activity or thing (we homeschool) that I can do what I need to do during any time of the day. Learning which is necessary at which time, is like unlocking the key to a store of magic...as I've grown wiser through all of the trials that have come and gone, I am reminded to let go of what I thought was supposed to be, and was met instead with what is. I learned that letting go is not the same as giving up - that there is power in surrendering to now - and that now holds more lessons for growth and love than a plan of what I had to do, but was not possible right now. I learned about the power in surrendering, trusting the process, while putting away my shoulds and woulds that usually cause severe reactions to the ones around me. I learned that the things that have to happen always happen anyway, and that even when the moment is rough, that there is a reason and a purpose for it...There will always be things to, finish and/or prepare, but when I understand where I am now and work with that, I am usually surprised by what happens, and I don't go into the frustration or react in ways (past regrets turned to future lessons lol) that don't line up with the way that I want to treat my children...and hey look, my baby fell asleep, and this blog post was written anyway.
Wanna talk to me? Ok. I invite you to set up a time to chat Here, or get a reading? You can schedule one of those HERE
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Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.