Over the years, there has been one constant in my life, and that is the ability to always go into myself and look for the answers to the things that plague me at the moment...from child behavior, to personal crises in my world. I have always been able to get to the center of whatever issue I need to face, and today I want to share with you how I do this. So that no matter what's going on, you can look within and figure out what the events or occurrences mean and what to do about it...
We have all heard phrases like: everything that you need is all within you; the answers are inside; or, everything that you need is right here (in the heart), but the problem is not the saying or this thought, it's with actually accessing that space but instead, how does one actually access this space...
Because of this, I created Realignment. A FREE VIDEO where I share a bit of what unbalance looks like, how it affects our families, and tips of how I move forward, realign myself (and my 5 kids), so that you can realign and move forward too. I want you to learn how to always come back to center no matter what you have going on. This is going to be featured in a Self Care Event that I am going to be participating in - more details to come next week!!
In the meantime, I want you to start to Realign Your Self with your inner world, so that you can once again find balance and begin to get into your heart space - and lead from the heart. My wish, is that all of us (mothers) get into the space where we begin to realign ourselves with our heart space and core, so that we can keep healing and heal our children forward. I believe that when we step into our heart space, and access our power, we can move mountains. Go HERE to access the video.
P.S. You still have time to schedule a Soul Reading at special HOLIDAY PRICING $60 for 45 min. normally as $90 value. To schedule go HERE
Today, on Thanksgiving eve, I want to take a moment to point out to you how far you've come.
I want you to see yourself three years ago, two years ago, or even one - and see that woman that you were, and send her some love. Being grateful for the lessons learned in-between that time and today.
I want you to see how important your growth has been, and the important lessons that you have learned since then. I know that there is as deep part of you, that through the trials, through the fire, and through the mountains that you have climbed, is deliriously proud, of the woman who you are now, as a result of everything...today I want you to honor her and give thanks.
Give thanks for the one constant in your life, your ability to keep going forward. Give thanks, for the little people who have propelled you into where you are now...and give thanks for the received blessings through these times, disguised as difficulties, that have allowed you to shed the skin that no longer fits.
During these festive times, it easy to forget ourselves, as we plan, prepare, and do. But allow me to give you the permission to take a moment, take a deep breath, center yourself, and go back to this younger version of yourself to see how far you've come, and in your inhale take in your blessings and while you exhale release what no longer is...
allow how far you've come, your strength, perseverance and the love that you have for you little(s), bless you in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Allow it to bless your home. Allow it to bless yourself. Allow the reflection of you Soul Journey, to heal you and move you forward.
As a gift, to welcome the holidays, I want to give you a special ONE TIME pricing offer, for a Soul Reading, of your choice for the ONE TIME offer for a 45 min. reading for $60. To book your time today, click HERE. If you know someone who needs this, please share.
Happy Thanksgiving ❤️
In my last blog post called, I hurt and heal - so that I can help you do it too, I spoke about, how I heal myself from past stuff so that I can help my mama tribe to do it too, and also talked about the fact that I do this because I know that in order to be the best mama that I can be for my kids, I have to heal the parts of my self and the little girl within me that is hurt...
...I learned a long time ago that when I don't do this, I can't mother without inputing the hurt into them. It's hard to heal their hurts and take them into the future untouched from my past, when I am stuck in behaviors, thoughts, habits, etc. that bubble up in my rough moments. My goal has always been to raise loving humans who don't have to undo their past stuff, and who are true to themselves and their potential, while honoring the same in those around them. Humans who don't have to strip away layers of childhood trauma in order to live fully - so I heal. I heal so that I can provide them this wholeness, which allows me to see them for who they are, and not for who I was told that I or they, should be.
Seeing this process work through and taking action on this sounds beautiful in writing, I know, and I know that I make it seem the process seem magical and full of faerie dust, but the truth is that it is emotional work, and it is full of dark feelings and emotions that I'd rather not face, but it is necessary in order for me to move into a space of consciously allowing light to flow freely within myself and within them...and today I want to leave you with an idea of how I go about this process, so that you too can move into this space and start to heal. The moments that I start to feel something negative, yucky or dark come up:
These things are not easy to do. They are not for the weary. Doing this kind of work is hard, and grueling. It makes one face things that are not easy to understand. It makes me raw and vulnerable. I am learning lessons over and over, in different levels of things that I thought that I'd cleared - BUT when the process is done, and I am clear, I contentiously move into a space of creation within my home and with my children. Every level allows me to go deeper into my purpose - and with each depth, comes the gifts of service - and for this I am always rewarded with a new perspective and clarity.
If you'd like to schedule a FREE CALL with me to learn about how I can help you move forward, you can do so HERE
I recently asked a group of mom friends: what do you for "me time"? The answers varied. I like to read, I like to run, I like to get a pedicure, I go to Target by myself, I go to the bathroom by myself. One friend scoffed and said "me time? what's that?" A wide variety of answers for sure. For a wide variety of moms with different ideas, perspectives and backgrounds.
My own perspective on "me time" is that in the busy juggle that is mom-life, where we're constantly taking care of other people's needs, there needs to be even a tiny sliver of time focused solely on me.
Not only is this definition different for every person, but it's different in different seasons of life.
When I was a new mom, my definition of “me time” would have been an entire day to myself to do whatever I wanted. At that time, that’s what I felt that I needed to feel refreshed and decompress from the stresses of motherhood, life and keeping it all together.
Now, over 11 years later, while I wouldn’t mind an occasional day to myself, I don’t feel like I NEED that in order to deal with my life. I have found a good balance most of the time and that is because I consciously set aside a few minutes every day to take care of myself and address my own needs.That's all well and good, and yay for me for figuring that out, blah blah blah. But let's address the obstacle. The guilt. The mama guilt. It's a reality of mommyhood. We are so used to taking care of everyone else that we tend to neglect ourselves (and sometimes don't even realize it! ) and when we DO realize it, we feel guilty spending any time or energy on ourselves. Somehow, through taking any time for ourselves, we feel like we're somehow depriving our babies. And this can be a powerful feeling even if we KNOW it's not logical.
Do you experience this? Again, as a logical, rational person you know that you're not ACTUALLY hurting your kids by doing something for you. But you still have that little twinge of guilt and that can turn into frustration. You're trying to pee in peace - y'know like with the door closed - and your toddler is throwing a fit on the other side of the door because he can't see your face for the 7 seconds it takes you to do your business. You start to think "This is impossible! I can't even pee by myself, how can I do anything else for me?"
THIS can lead to giving up. Thinking that once the kids get older, then I will have time for myself. Until then, it's all about them with no tiny sliver of light in the day for anything for myself. It may even seem noble and unselfish to have the "there's no such thing as me-time" attitude.
Feeling this guilt and having these feelings is understandable and quite common, just ask any mom!
However, if you're not creating space for yourself in your routine, you're telling yourself that you're not worth your own time.
Let that one sink in for a minute.
Far and away the biggest objection that moms have when committing to a wellness plan or routine is "I don't have time". It can feel like spending any time on ourselves or focusing on our own wellness is just another "to do" on your already crowded list. There are only so many hours in the day and once everything is done for work, the kids, the house, you're exhausted and there's not time or attention left for yourself. Sound familiar?
We attach guilt to me time because we ASSUME that it means A LOT of time that would otherwise be focused on our families and we don't want to deprive them.
Okay, so what can we do about that?
Consider that even a small amount of time focused solely on YOU can be beneficial, not only to you but to your whole family. Do you ever notice when you do have a little bit of time to yourself, you come back to your kids feeling refreshed (even just a little)? Think of it as recess for your mommy brain!
Small things make a big difference. Taking a walk by yourself, painting your toenails uninterrupted, reading a book before you fall asleep, watching a non-kid friendly TV show once a week. All small things. All for no other reason than being nice to yourself.
Think about the time and attention that you give yourself on a weekly basis. In what ways are you neglecting yourself? Is that how you'd like to be treated by another person?
Is there ever a scenario that arises that you would say "I don't have time to take care of my kids, I am too busy?" No, of course not. Because taking care of your kids isn't an item on your to do list, it's a million little things that you do every day. Taking care of you is the same way. It's not a spa weekend. It's a long shower and shaving your legs without feeling bad about it.
STILL, though. As self-aware as we are, that guilt monster STILL comes creeping back in because we have that maternal instinct where we're constantly aware of what our kids need and that takes up so much of the brain power. Mama guilt is always going to be there a little bit, no matter how old the kids are. Here's what we can do.
Recognize it. The guilt isn't bad. The guilt is normal. Letting the guilt dictate your actions and neglect yourself isn't helpful. Know that the guilt is there and it's normal. You're not doing it wrong. You're a normal mom. When you feel the guilt creep up, recognize what it is.
Confront it. Let me be clear, we make decisions for the good of our family all the time. Sometimes we put our own needs on the back burner for a more immediate need of a family member. This doesn't mean that you're letting the guilt run the show or that you're weak and giving in. This means that you're a good mom and you're making a call on the given situation. However, if the mama guilt is consistently making you neglect self care, that needs to be examined. When a situation arises, stop and notice what your motives are. Call it what it is and don't let it stop you.
Realize it's not always going to be easy, and be okay with that. If you're operating a guilt-driven system, you're not going to reboot overnight. There will still be times when you'll fall into the old.
Remind yourself of these things:
I am worth my own time and energy.
Taking care of myself is GOOD for my family who needs me to be strong and healthy.
It is not selfish for me to want good things for myself and to go after them.
I love my family and I am an important part of that family.
- Rachel Rader
Rachel Aldrich Rader is a Wellness Specialist for busy moms, a Fitness Professional and, as a mom of three boys (ages 11, 8 and 3) she is a Mommyhood Reality Expert! Rachel teaches moms how to balance their own wellness with the reality of their family's busy lifestyle.
Where you can find her:
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/rachelaldrichradercoaching/
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/769605853168252/
If you have a blog and would like to contribute to Soul Centered Mama's Blog please go HERE to learn more.
I have been going through a HUGE growth spurt over the last few months. I have been learning to love, understand, and remove from myself, the deep parts within me, that tell me that I am not worthy. That I am not important enough for something. Or the parts that lie to me, left over from childhood, that tell me that I am not right if I don't do things perfectly. I have been learning to heal myself, so that I can keep healing my kids forward.
I've loved parts of myself, that were down and hurting. The parts that I thought were unlovable. The parts that my children mirrored and magnified. Loved them deeply. Forgave them, and released them, so that I could fall in love with them them deeply within my children too.
In this process of growing Soul Centered Mama™, and helping mothers heal themselves, so that they can heal their children from within - naturally - has brought up for me, many different layers of stuff that I thought that I'd cleared. Just recently I found myself, in the throws of an epic rough moment with my three year old (what's normally considered a tantrum), where I felt something from deep within stir up into what reminded me of rage - a rage that I haven't felt for a long time, and I knew that it was my cue to go within to heal.
The truth of all of us, who work to help others align or find balance, is that we know the darkness of the other. I know this too...this is why I am called to help mothers - because I know this space well - and I feel pulled by something deeper than me to help them heal. I don't want to pretend and offer perfection, because this is not real...instead, I offer the truth of what I've gone through, and how I have changed it into something else...to give them the parts of me, that I've restored, through the depths of despair.
I've lived the despair. I know the pain. I've lived in the silent throws of self judgment and sadness. I've known the space that says you're not doing it right...to only climb out of it and say NO. There is another way. To only climb through another level...and this is OK.
In this space, where we only see on these highlight reels, too much of the glossed over pretty parts, and not enough of the real parts...today I want to sit with you, because I know where you've been. I want to sit with you. To be your mirror while you heal.
My calling is not to heal others, but to heal myself deeply, so that I can provide the space while they learn to heal themselves - because we can only really heal ourselves. To love those broken pieces within them, so that they can see that they too are worthy of love - and everything more - as they are reborn into their lives, and as I keep healing myself. It is my job, to hold a space for my mamas to love themselves deeply, with gratitude and forgiveness, to those broken childhood pieces so that they can go forward and do it for their little ones as well.
Today, I want to offer you a glimpse into this brand of healing. part of my understanding and growing from within, was learning that I am an empath and learning to understand my feelings, the feelings of others around me, and how to differentiate from them. Then going within to heal the deep hurt ones within me. Over the last few months, many mamas have come forward to me, and told me that they suspect that they are also empaths. They feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, and find it hard to control their emotions...In our NEW, and temporarily FREE membership site of Soul Centered Mama™, I speak about how to understand it, what it is, and how to block emotions that are not yours, so that you can start to understand what's going on.
If you want to book a clarity call with me you can do so HERE or, if you want to book a Soul Reading℠ with me, where I connect to the higher self of your child, yourself, or a baby in spirit, you can do so HERE.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.