Healing your body, mind and soul after a negative birth experience can be very challenging. Your experiences maybe have you feeling empty, alone, heartbroken or even depressed or traumatised? Maybe you feel like a complete failure, or completely disconnected from your little one? Let me tell you honey, whatever it is you are feeling, it is ok! It is ok, not to be ok! But it is also ok to want to move forward and let go of what no longer serves you.
I have been working with women all around the world, supporting them to heal their (birth)trauma. There are many things we can do to help you move forward to start your healing journey, but most importantly I want you to know is that you are not alone! You are not the only one who is feeling like this and you will get through this. But what can you do? When you feel in such a dark place? Let’s talk about my 3 favourite tips to help you get started;
Tip 1 – listen to your body
What you feel does matter, how you feel also matters, in fact you matter! Start tuning into your body and listen to what it is telling you. Do it right now, just for a minute or 2. I will wait... Close your eyes and feel.
Do you feel angry? Why are you angry? What is behind the anger? Or is it sadness? Or fear? Keep peeling away the layers and keep going until you get to your core. What is it what you need? Do you need to rest? Mourn? Go outside for a walk? Take up some new hobbies? Whatever it is, you need to start giving this to yourself.
Your body can hold onto a traumatic experience, even years after. You can feel this anywhere in your body, but what I see most often is sadness in the chest area, and guilt in the stomach. Our bodies do this, in case something similar happens again, so it can respond quickly right away to keep us safe.
If those feelings aren’t dealt with, it can lead to long-term health problems. That is why it is crucial to make time for yourself each day, to recognise these signs and paying the attention they deserve.
Tip 2 – Do what you love
The next step for you is to start doing what you enjoy again. What did you use to enjoy? Do you still enjoy it? If not, what would you like to start doing? It doesn’t have to cost a lot; it can be as simple as getting out some pen and paper out and making a beautiful drawing. Or maybe make yourself a lovely cup of tea of those tea leaves in the back of your cupboard you have been saving for ‘later’. Your time is now lady, and you need to put yourself first.
I love to use the example of a beautiful rose bush in this case. If the bush doesn’t row right, do we blame the bush? Do we tell the rose how worthless she is? Or do we help her, nurture her, replace her soil, give her water, food and the attention she needs to grow and blossom her beautiful flowers? You need to treat yourself like the beautiful roses! You can’t poor from an empty cup, so start filling it with what you need.
Tip 3 – I am Love
Stop telling yourself that you can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t afford it, I can’t [....] fill in the blank. For the next 4 weeks, I want you to start telling yourself that you can. I can be happy, I can put myself first, I can make that available in my budget. And maybe after those 4 weeks, you want to start saying yourself that “I am happy, I am beautiful, I love you [your name]” when looking into the mirror. Start loving yourself, the good, the bad and everything in between.
You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be happy.
Susanne Grant is an International Birth & Healing coach and specialises in (Birth) Trauma, PTSD & Body Issues. She supports women all around the world during pregnancy and after birth, providing them with the tools to heal (sexual) abuse & trauma as well as traumatic births. We felt Susanne would be the perfect addition to our website and we asked her to write this beautiful guest blog for you, in which she will share her 3 tips on how to heal birth trauma.
Let's talk about how we can start to learn about stories, behaviors and habits, and learn to move forward now, shall we? For starters, let's talk about the principles of energy. Everything that is, is made up of energy: us, our children, our lives, our loved ones. As we move through life, the energy that is within us, is made up of the many different experiences that we've had, and are shaped by our perception or the way that we view life.
Our children, as we are, have certain energies that are present within them - believe it or not, all children are born, carrying the energy of the time before their birth (up to a year before their birth and your pregnancy). This energy that they carry within, manifests without as emotions, predispositions in behavior, preferences...this is why many times, we instinctively tell pregnant women, not to be in places that may cause them upset or may cause them or their baby harm. We know this emotionally, but when we think about the effect of what this means, after the baby is born, a lot of things can come into perspective. When we start to apply this, to who our children are now, it is possible to not only understand certain behaviors, and predispositions, but we can also learn how to start to move into different situations with an intuitive understanding of what we need to do to help our child in a way that is helpful for them.
This understanding, is more helpful to us, when our children are still very small. I'd say possibly under three years old. This is because as they start to get older, their personalities and reactions start to become colored by experiences that they have within their world - but, the younger that a child is, the more true they are to their nature - to the essence of who they are. If you have a younger child, who you'd like to try to understand in this way (or an older child, who you want to start to trace and understand some of their core personality or traits), one of the best ways to start, is to start to look at the time before your pregnancy, your pregnancy, and their birth - energetically. For instance, you can ask yourself, did I have a calm pregnancy? What was that time like? When I think about that time, was I excited? Was I timid to life and fearful? Was I ready to leap into life? How did I feel about myself and the people around me? What was my outlook? Then begin to look at your child and their predispositions. Does anything about who they are remind you of the times before or during your pregnancy? How can you use this understanding to help them now? Or to help you view and react with them in a way that is helpful and conducive to creating balance?
Another exercise, is to start to look at your birth. Our births are great examples, and predictors into future stuff with our children. I can literally go back into the birth of all of my kids, and think of a few adjectives that describe them. For example, my twin son's birth, was done via a c-sec., and they are both, very analytical, they are practical, and very logical...as to where my daughter's births were in a birthing center, where I labored naturally with little to no intervention from my midwives, and they are both very free spirited. They have a very organic view of themselves and life. My last baby's birth was very long, and it was a practice in patience. This little dude is just like this. It takes him a long while to open up to things that are new or take him a while to open up to, and I know that I have to have a lot of patience with him when it comes to anything that is new. Understanding them in this way, helps me guide them in ways that are helpful to their personalities. I don't expect them to be any one that they are not. These are all energetic things that I notice about my children, in relation to my birth, but there is also so much more, that will just be too long to get into now...but you get the point.
The purpose for me telling you this, is because #1 when we start to understand the core of who our children are and their energetic make up, we can stop fighting who they are and align ourselves with their needs...especially when they are younger and we are still figuring things out - and #2 because I sincerely believe that it's time for us to start to understand how the energies that are present within our home, are playing out in our lives...as they say, energy speaks louder than works, and in a world that is made up of energy, the one who understands it, is king (in your case queen - my goal is to help you start to understand how these energies are playing out in your home, so that you can realign and find harmony)...
...now, of course this is not the be all end all of why certain behaviors or things that we don't fully understand occur - this is just the beginning...it's the tip of the iceberg, and only a basic understanding to the energies that make a part of our children and our selves, and how they shape and affect our homes. Beyond this, there are other factors that come into learning how to understand our children so that we can align with the natural flow of who they are and guide them in a way in which we struggle less, but it is my purpose to start to begin these conversations, so that mothers can learn how to begin to understand their children in a more holistic way.
To learn more about how to understand these principles, and how to apply them into your live, you can schedule a call with me HERE, or book a reading with me HERE.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.