Let' grab a cup of tea.. or a glass of wine… get comfy and cosy shall we?
I need a space where we can be real, raw and honest. Where we can practice so we can go out and be just the same in the big wide world…
So let's jump in:
Are you a good mother? What is a good mother anyways? Parenting has become (with all good reason) a much debated topic. How to mother, how to parent… So who's to tell what's true and what's not?
I tell you who- children.
My parents used to say "what happened to our kids, why did we deserve this?" (two "problematic" kids from their point of view) . The old debate of nature vs nurture. They believed their parenting was good and that their kids grew up becoming rather problematic teenagers and adults is all on the kids and the "good" Universe.
So when I studied to become a psychologists this topic always deeply interested me.
I wanted to know: are my parents right? Am I really a messed up person? Was I born like this?
Now that i am the happy and utterly exhausted mom of a 2 year old, I got an answer for you Mr. Science. It's 99% nurture and 1% nature. Ok my numbers may be slightly off-
But the truth of it is unshakable. We are all born as open-minded, capable individuals who are meant for happiness and success. Then life happens.
Our children come with a plan, and they do carry their past lives etc . So it is not a 100% blank page. BUT. and it is a BIG but.. how this life turns out how they will turn out, and how they learn to manage what is given (aka. nature)- is mostly on us.
Being a mother is such a deep responsibility, there are days when I just want to hide under the blanket.. Especially on days when it's hard enough to drag myself out of bed and try to act like a normal human being.
However these hard days are the one that shed the light on the truth for me.
They say "Healer Heal Thyself" - how true. Same goes for mothers "Mother Heal Yourself" - or else ALL your unresolved issues will be given on for further generational enhancement for your kid.
It may be a harsh truth but it is true nevertheless.
If we hide from our issues, not only do we teach our kid to hide themselves, we also push it deep into our subconscious, where it will go ahead and affect us- affect our parenting.
There is no bad kid- only tired and insecure parent. (Trust me I KNOW by experience;)
I have noticed now as my little baby is not so little anymore, she started to show me what she has seen and learned in the past two years. She kisses the babies, pets the dogs, helps to clean etc a MILLION of amazing and cute traits.
Then the other day she was tired and frustrated, so she threw her doll and screamed "shit"… Oh shit….. *banging my head on the table". For a second I reminded myself that Pinks daughter says worst things. Than I also reminded myself that she is a pop star and I am a healer … Slightly different image...
After I calmed down and the initial panic subsided that I am messing up my kid- I fully realized and FELT my power. I am her God. Whatever I do, however I am she will follow. Sure, I kinda knew that. But it is more than that. My energy IS her energy. Our kids ARE mirroring our energy for a LONG time . So what do we show?
What do we do when we mess up?
How do we treat ourselves?
How do we handle bad days?
What do we do or say if we have been disrespected?
How do we treat our bodies?
Do we show affection to ourselves? To others?
And above all, how do we handle and treat ourselves when we deem our actions or behavior "less-then" in any way.
How we treat ourselves, they will treat themselves. How we treat others, they will copy.
EVERY word, EVERY day counts.
But isn't it a win-win? An amazing opportunity? LOVE YOURSELF- take GOOD care of yourself- and your child will be more than fine.
Be what you want her to be. Be what you want her to learn. Be the inspiration. Us parents of the new era have the super power to raise healthy kids. Healthy on every level. We all have dents. To a different degree but we have all encountered trauma. Some of us got a little shy from it, some of us may have become cautious. Some of us have developed serious health and psychological symptoms. We usually learn to manage them, but we rarely truly dive deep to resolve them. Whatever we don't resolve one (or all) children will "get it". Like the flu a little bit. So not only do we owe it to ourselves but to our children to stop. Take a good look ourselves with the loving and non judgmental eyes of a mother and let's get real. Where do we hold anxiety, anger, resentment or fear in our hearts or lives? Where are we insecure but try to hide it? One of the greatest tools of a conscious parent is what has become my motto " course correct, own your growth". We are actively growing. On this path of constant expansion it is totally ok to
*admit we were wrong and change our minds
*share our imperfections and our process of working through them
Even with our kids. While I am certainly not saying that we should weigh our kids down with adult problems, it is totally ok and I dare to say necessary to OWN our life in front of them.
Lately I have been going under quite a lot of stress. That is the exact time my toddler decided to drop her last nap…
Sometimes I am less patient than anyone would enjoy. So I stop. Breathe. Apologize. Explain. (during stressful times that is the other motto : Stop.Breathe.Aplogize.Explain.Move On.
"Mommy is tired, doing a lot of things and got upset. It is NOT your fault and I am sorry if I act mean.. Don't take it on yourself. You are a great baby" Next day my baby came to me when she saw I was tired and trying to hold it together. Stroke my face and said "night night". She actually helped me rest a little.
There is no such thing as perfect mother. But there is a conscious mother, who understands that healing yourself is number one priority for everyone. If you need more self-care- act now. Feel overwhelmed or battling any sort of condition? Get assistance. Look for conscious guides. Be open to your needs and your unresolved issues. One of the greatest things we can teach ourselves and our children is that it is never too late. every day counts and we can start over any given minute. May it be small or big the change we seek. We all fall, we all can rise again. We all have the magical and daunting gift of "free will". Whatever we hold in our heart and energy WILL manifest in all forms. That includes our children.
Who we are, they will become. What we hide from ourselves- they will become.
Great responsibility AND great opportunity. For all of us.
May your day be gentle, your heart full and your mind at ease.
We are enough as we are, may we have the courage to discover ourselves to the core <3
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