Today, looking through old pictures and videos of my kids, I became both happy and melancholy with the memories that came flooding back, because even though I remember how much fun we had in those moments, I also remember how stressed out and tired I was, and I cringe when I see one of my kids playing and I hear the harsh tone of voice of back then, or me lost in my phone: but the truth is that during that rough periods of our lives, one of the hardest things for to do is to be present - let alone be gentle or soft. I look back during this time and I remember frustration. I remember feeling like I was going to loose it, and when I see these old pictures, of a time that has passed away, I realize that the most important thing now, is to be present with the love that I want them to feel from me. I don't want them to reflect back in another 5 years, and feel hurt. I want them to feel glad, that no matter what storm that mommy was feeling or going through at the moment, that I was able to meet them with grace and understanding, while keeping the love present. I want to be able to look back at pictures and see them with the eyes of a parent who was present and available, not one who was harsh, because I was too tired, stressed or busy to notice.
For the last few weeks, I have been contemplating a presence challenge, and looking back at these photos and talking with a friend has shown me that it is time. I know that I often make the mundane seem magical and somehow transcendental but the truth is that the mundane is challenging. The power that I have always possessed is that I have always had the ability to lean into a rough moment and learn something from it. Challenging times are, and have always been my teachers. I don't particularly like them more than the nice moments - I love morning snuggles and to hear my kids laugh and play and I love a relaxed day where one thing flows into another, but the truth is that beautiful rose colored days are the wonderful restful of the not so nice days - the days where I use to run into my bathroom and close my door to cry. The days where I used to feel like I was drowning in a sea of children and duties. Those darker days, taught me that the moments that are not so nice, teach me how to be the kind of person that I don't want to be by giving me and example of what needs to heal in my life. I learn that when I was being present in the moment, that I had everything available for me to take me into the next moment and grow into what I needed. I learned how to squeeze the importance out of the challenges - how to lean into tantrums and the feelings of wanting to run away an learn to take responsibility of what is, and take responsibility of my feelings and thoughts in order to create what I want. I learned to understand that my feelings, emotions and thoughts are there to help me learn what I needed to do in order to get the results that I want - and this is the biggest reason for me creating the 7 Day Presence Spark: a challenge to help you become present, and learn to balance yourself, and get what you need at the moment, so that you can can become the parent that you envision, and to keep you aware and accountable at the moment....AND in honor of this challenge, I want to leave you with 5 tips to help you RIGHT NOW (until the beginning of the challenge 4/10/16):
1) Allow what's happening. Refrain from judgment or criticism.
2) Take full responsibility of what you've created in your life (your life is your own, and everything within it is a result of a choice you've made).
3) Find a ground for the more difficult moments (oils, pictures, taking a walk (nature), crystals, tarot cards - whatever works for you)
4) Remember that no matter how much you want to associate with the behavior, and take it personally - DON'T. It's not about you - your child is having a rough moment or an issue, and needs your calm space, not the storm.
5) Become aware of the story that you're telling yourself about your child and their behavior i.e. they are crying for attention, they are a brat, they just like to argue...this is YOUR story. Remove the association, so that you can tune into them and they can show you what they need. *They will only show you, if they feel that you are available and open. Your job is to take care of yourself so that you can meet their need.
*BONUS* Feeling angry? Read this blog post on how to stop and ground yourself before you react.
So, if this is something that you're interesting in, SIGN UP TODAY!
...and if you're looking to connect with me, and learn more about how I can help you, go here.
Life can be full of magic and wonder once again, all you have to do is look for it - let me help you.