Through parenting, and in striving to release what does not serve myself or my home in order to intentionally create the home that I envision: one of harmony and understanding, togetherness, and a legacy of intentional and self perpetual healing, I learned (very early on) that the only way that I was going to input into them the conditions that they needed to become the best versions of themselves, was to become the thing that I was looking to create with them within myself, first.
We often say, that kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do, but we don’t fully grasp or hold onto what this means. This phrase often lights up different things within ourselves, that give us glimpses of the truth of parenthood, and yet, saying it, somehow doesn’t really capture, the total idea of what it is that we are really supposed to do, in order to be somewhat successful with the values that we are longing to instill into our children.
This creates a dual energy in that while I am continually striving to heal and help them, I am first doing the same to me.
The truth is that our children often elicit from with us, the exact conditions that we need to heal ourselves.
It becomes part of a process in which we are looking into ourselves so that we can go beyond our limits through them, and release the things that no serve us.
The important thing to understand is that this is a process in which we are facing ourselves - even though our children give us the mirror, if we learn how to accept it - and learning how to heal though them.
It’s a dual process that shows us how to release, in order to transform events and experiences into healing.
In this entire process, I have a few tools that I use, to help me get the most out of times that seem tumultuous, but the one that I use consistently through time, is silence.
When understood, silence is a powerful tool, to help us understand, release and deal with things that arise within our lives.
It helps us understand the things that are happening with our children, and spouses.
One of the things that I teach my clients, very early on, is about the importance of silence, so that they can learn to understand the things that are stirring within them, and in their homes.
I help them use silence as a tool, to gain access to the feelings and emotions that they are holding onto, I help them learn how to use what they find, when they are in silence, and turn those things into a process that will help them uncover what they are looking for.
As quoted above,
“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”
This practice is something that when we understand it, it can lead us to become closer to the parts of ourselves that we seek.
This process, when used properly, by someone who can properly dive into their emotions and feelings, or who has available help from someone who can help them through the process, becomes very powerful because it helps them learn to unlock the secrets to what they are looking for.
Throughout the last few year, allowing myself to sit in silence, sometimes for days at a time have given me back what I’m looking for.
I know that there are a lot of people who can’t sit in silence because they fear what’s within it, or what will come up - to those I say don’t, but for the ones that want to understand themselves, the ones who come to work with me via Spiritual Transformational Guidance.
Allowing myself to sit with myself in this process, does a few things for me and my family.
1. It helps me first, learn how to take responsibility for what is happening within me.
When we are in places that don’t seem like where it is that we want to be, or when we are lost and confused, when things are happening that feel painful from within us that we don’t quite understand, it’s easy to blame other things or people, and in doing this, we forget that we always have a choice, in our lives, or that we are in a place that is a result of choices that we’ve made leading into the point where we are.
Being in silence helps me see that it’s ME that is having what ever issue is coming up.
I recognize that my feelings are mine and not the other person’s. I am able to see the truth of why I’m feeling a certain way.
When you allow yourself to be in silence for a few days it helps you be able to see what’s coming up as a part of something that is stirring within you and not the others.
You take back your the narrative of your story.
2. It has helped me take responsibility for my emotions and reactions.
Some of the worst stuff comes up when we are in places of pain. We do or say things that we don’t mean. We do things out of hurt and pain, because we are in hurt and pain. Being in silence allows us to stop that stuff before it bubbles up.
Silence allows me to keep reactions that can do more harm within, while I process. Like I said above, we cause harm in these places because it’s easy to not catch reactions and words that we don’t mean in moments of deep feeling. But when in silence, its easier to see what's going on, and therefore, one is able to understand what is happening outside of the self, without being harmful to the ones around.
I can learn to understand where the automatic reactions can come from, and learn how to process what’s coming up in a way that can be more helpful for myself, in doing this, I have learned how to cultivate the reactions that I want to have.
3. When I’m not reacting constantly, I am able to learn how to listen.
We know how to hear, but the art of listening is lost.
I’m a talker, I’ve always been, and in being a talker, I’ve learned over the years, that it’s easy to not listen.
When we’re not listening we are not learning.
When I’m allowing silence, I’m listening.
When I listen, I can see where I can be wrong, or where I’m not paying attention. Life is a game of perception, and because we, in any given moment - especially when we’re in spaces of tumultuous energy - can only see our own perception, it’s easy to make everything about what we think or feel. It’s easy to rob people of their experience in only seeing our own perception, and in turn not listen to others. But when I allow silence to reign for a time, I force myself to see the perception of the others around me…which leads me into…
4. I stop projecting.
Blame, stops with me.
When we project into others we give them our hurts or assumptions. It becomes difficult to deal with the real issues when we are projecting our issues into our homes, families, and others.
When I stop projecting what I’m feeling into them, it’s easier for us to come up with solutions to whatever is happening much faster, because I am seeing what is coming up within me, I am allowing them to be without my voice, I am not putting into them, what I think is happening.
Instead, I/we deal with the true energy that is working through all of us, allowing us to come together with a solution…in most cases understanding.
5. Silence helps me learn how to grow.
I am a firm believer that all the things that happen in our lives, happen to teach us, help us grow, or are parts of change in a cycle that are taking us into another place. The problem is that when we don’t know what it is that’s happening we can feel lost because we have so many voices telling us different things. We’ve forgotten how to listen to our own inner voice, our inner knowing.
Learning how to use silence appropriately teaches us how to listen to this place. It teaches us to learn to understand our own voice, and helps us release opinions, thoughts, or feelings that are not ours, things gathered through outside experiences.
Things like: parents, news, social media, movies, etc. When we become silent we learn how to listen to our inner self.
Being in silence is one of the most powerful tools that I work with, in order to help me move forward.
It helps me learn how to shift into where I’m growing.
It helps me heal, and it helps me connect more deeply to the ones around me, as well and equally as important to my inner self.
I am able to transform myself in life.
Becoming and using silence, within my life, has become a silent meditation that helps me evolve and constantly search and find what I am looking for.
I’m learning more and more, that what I and we, are all looking for, is the way to find ourselves and our truths.
Truths that will help us evolve through the challenges that happen in life, and learn how to change the relationship that we have with these challenges.
Over the years I’ve learned that challenges are not about the challenges, but more about the way that we see and tune into what’s happening, so that what does happen gives us back to ourselves.
A process of undoing what’s not ours, so that we can reclaim ourselves.
When we understand this, everything can and does become our teacher: our children, events, partners, parents, life. When this happens, life becomes like a walking meditation, where we are able to explore ourselves and grow.
Silence, is one of the tools that gets us there.
Do you want to know more? Or connect with me so that I can help you tune in and transform in your life?
Or schedule a reading with me here, or, to learn about Spiritual Transformation you can schedule a time to talk with me here.
“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”
*To Learn About How You Can Become A Guest Blogger, CLICK HERE*
Keeping a clean home is not about judgement – it is about staying in your flow and power (Guest Blog)
Garnering and maintaining energy while keeping up with the many duties that women, specifically busy mothers have to tackle daily can be daunting when the purpose of the duties are for others consumption and perception. As I grew and became more aware of my power as a woman, mother and manager of my home I realized how certain ideas that had been ingrained in me about keeping my home clean both helped and hindered my own energy and the energy of my home. Let me paint the scene:
“Her house is dirty – how is she letting people come to her dirty house”
“She a nasty woman – look at her house”
“Keep your house clean or others will look at you like you are nasty”
We all heard some variation of these statements growing up and more specifically as adults. In fact, women often struggle after delivery of their child with the idea of their homes not being clean – not from a perspective that a clean home will enhance their energy but from the perspective that they will be looked at unfavorably as a woman for keeping a nasty home. We must shift the viewpoint with which we filter many of the lessons we learned as women about our value from judgement of our selves to the power of our roles.
Keeping your home clean is essential because a clean home – the primary place of manifestation – is critical to keeping the abundance, clarity and goal accomplishment of the family. New things (ideas, thoughts, money, etc) can not enter into a space that is already occupied. Try to think your way into a new place with old thoughts…it won’t be able to manifest because you will have all those old thoughts blocking it. Same in a closet, you can have many beautiful clothes and shoes but if you do not clean out the closet you won’t even be able to appreciate what is there. So our elder women who tried to teach us about cleanliness were right, a clean home is critical but less about what people will think about you and more about your synchronicity and awareness of the spiritual energies that are more available to you and can flow through you when you keep your home clean. You can take this principle to your purse, your body, and your mind. Your inclination for cleanliness is primordial because as a woman you are of the flow of the energies of the universe and you desire that flow uninhibited.
So consider how your space will be kept clean without the fear of judgement but instead with the expectation of positive energetic flow. You can achieve a clean space relatively stress free when you expand your options. Consider having a cleaner come in once a week, solicit help from your mate and child(ren), and/or keep a cleaning schedule. I keep a cleaning schedule so that I can stay in flow with my desires. I literally clean and consider my goals and desired manifestations and lifestyle, this is a ritual for your mind, space and spirit. So I clean the bathrooms on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday so the tubs are always clean and smells good. I keep the kitchen clean daily and clean the refrigerator/baseboards monthly. Thirty minutes a day to freshen up the home has kept my sanity and energy flow high. The invisible mitigating forces that assist us in accomplishing our goals see our diligence and care appreciate it and reward our commitment. Some call these forces deities, gods/goddesses, spirits, pantheons, etc. I call them my grace.
My hope is that this gave you a different paradigm to think about your role and power. I also hope women see that generational stories have power to evolve and sustain or destroy. Being mindful of the simplest stories, how they’ve affected you and how you process them is critical to your evolution and changing generational patterns. Our power is in our ritual.
*To learn more, or become a guest blogger for Soul Centered Mama, go HERE*
The further I go into life, and as more years pass, I have learned to allow life to teach me lessons so that I may move, create and release what is not serving me, so that I can actually allow my life to become what I envision.
For me, this year, has been all about observation so that I can move into what I am actively trying to create.
Today I want to talk about the lessons, that 2018 has left me with.
In life, we are all always growing and evolving. Sometimes it’s easy to see, other times, it’s difficult.
As the new year is here, I realize now, in reflection of last, that the lessons that I have gathered throughout last year, have been lessons a-long-time coming.
Lessons that have transformed me at the core.
They have allowed me to release what is keeping me from stepping into life and have helped me keep embracing what I want to create.
Today, I want to share with you, the 5 things that I learned in 2018 that have transformed me and my life, deeply.
1. Stay off social media, in all its forms, as much as possible.
I know that in today's world it’s hard not to have some sort of social media account. We are all incredibly connected in so many ways. On one hand, social media and video platforms are a gift, in the sense that we can keep up with those that we love, and those who may be far away. It helps us learn, considering we literally have the world at our fingers. We can even help others through this platform.
But I’ve also realized how easy it is, to become extremely dependent and unbalanced because of these platforms.
I realized half way through the year, that I was using social media as a crutch and allowing it to take me away from my day to day. I post when I have to, respond to others and my clients, but I get on, and get off.
Which leads me to point number two.
2. Being present is where it’s at.
Often, we use devices and/or vices (isn’t it funny that the word vices is in the word devices?), to distract us from the things that we need to understand or see in our lives, so that we can grow from and through.
It’s easy to numb ourselves to the realities of what we are feeling and experiencing, especially when we don’t see or are not living the lives that we feel we should be.
3. Everyone needs support.
We all need someone in our corner to walk with us and guide us into what or where we are moving into.
We’ve been taught, have taken in, and have believed for far too long that we are islands and that we are supposed to brave things by ourselves. We think that pushing through and moving mountains makes us stronger, better, worthier (or whatever) humans… when the truth is that we all need support. Reaching out to people that support, love and trusts you is healthy, acceptable, and a part of self-love.
I'm finding more, and being more.
4. Being where you are is perfectly fine.
The idea of being, happy, content, joyful, aligned, etc., has been playing tricks with us for way too long. We have fallen into the trap that tells us that this is the way that things should be all the time, when the truth is another.
Life is full of many emotions and experiences, all with the purpose of teaching us something and helping us move into another space in our lives. All these places and feelings have a purpose, and the purpose is varied, but important, because these places help us unlock what is not serving us, so that we can move into what will. What we must do is stop judging these places as good or bad, and just allow them to be what they are. Check points along the way that are showing us ourselves.
I've learned this at other times, but revisiting it, is always a good thing. It reminds me that life is always unfolding and evolving.
5. Change is inevitable.
The nature of life is change. When we embrace it, we allow creations to give us just what we need to help us reach the things that we are striving for, the things that we desire, and to allow our lives to become the version of ourselves that we want to become.
This year has taught me many lessons, and what I keep coming back to is the fact that sometimes, the way doesn’t look the way that we think it’s going to look, sometimes, it’s messy and sloppy. Often, we’re presented with circumstances that feel like the exact opposite of what we want. But, when we open-up, allow, release, and surrender into our lives and what’s happening in it, we’re able to co-create what we desire because we allow ourselves to tune into what is being birthed from us.
Here’s to another year, where we can release the ties to those things that no longer serve us, so that we can act upon and create what will help us continue to heal, thrive, tune into, and fall in love with our lives...because when we learn how to actually LIVE in our LIVES, we can take what's happening, at any moment and grow.
"It's never about the thing itself, It's about what the thing represents."
- Violet Moon
Do you want to know how you can work with me?
To learn how I can help you understand what's happening now, and where to go from here, go here:
To learn how I can help you tune into your life, or the life of your children for transformative guidance go here:
One thing this entire year has become resoundingly clear to me, and that is, that the only thing that I can do while I'm in it, is to learn how to be in the thick of the muck, the hurt, the yuck, and own it, so that I don’t input it into my children or loved ones.
This year has been a year of LOTS of ancestral release, healing, understanding and facing - on more levels than I can say. I've had to face and move through months of things coming up also.
In this entire process the one thing that I keep coming back to, over and over again, is repeating the pattern of allowing the hurt to move through without reacting.
Let’s be honest, we all have hurts and things that feel gross, that come up - all of us. The only differences are the way that we process it.
It has come to my recent understanding over the last few months, that even though I offer different types of readings to my clients, the work that helps them the most is learning how to use the time of being IN IT, productively...meaning, using the time of the hurt, as an avenue for learning and self discovery.
Using this time to get the most of who you’re supposed to move into and grow from, while not inputting the echo into those around you… the phrase “challenging to do” seems to feel minuscule in comparison to the task.
I always say, when I talk about my approach to “healing” and facing the things that don’t feel great, is that it feels like I’m running towards a firing squad with my eyes wide open and arms outstretched.
This doesn’t mean that it feels great.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not often afraid of the stuff that is going to come up, and the things that I’m going to feel, but what it does mean, is that I understand the importance of allowing this stuff to come up, so that it can be processed, seen, heard, felt, understood healed and released.
Today, I want to share some of the parts of this process.
Time and time again, because I/you/we am/are human, there is always something that we are moving through.
In our moments or days, sometimes years, we are all sifting through something that is trying to come out and move through.
The magic in this process, comes in when we stop fighting it, and give into what it’s trying to teach us…
The levels vary - obviously, because we’re all human and different - and the purposes in our lives vary also.
The only way to actually get what these things are trying to tell us, and learn how to use them for their purpose and ultimately heal them and move forward, is to understand that there is something for us to release into and learn from…
In this process, when we allow, is when we will find the jewels. Today, I want to share with you, how to allow yourself to move into this place, while not inputting unnecessary stuff into the people around you, so that you can get the most of it.
First. Why is this important? To stop the hurt from affecting those around you? Well. I’ll say because when we’re in places that don’t feel too great, and we’re not owning it, what happens is that we have a great tendency to give to (or project) our pain into others.
Sometimes it’s easier to do this, than to own…but when we don’t own, we repeat.
Now. I want to add a note here, that projecting hurt, and finding people who get us, that we can confide, in are two different things - but that’s another topic… so here we go.
As hinted above, the first thing to do, is to begin to OWN your feelings.
Own that these things are yours, and no one else’s.
It’s very easy for us to blame others and to say…
or some other thing that is easy to say. But the truth is that, our feelings/emotions are ours. No one else's.
To constantly blame, finger point and project, keeps other people accountable for our feelings and emotions.
It becomes a never ending cycle of pain.
You/me/we project onto them, they do it back to us, and in turn to other people that they come across. Sometimes siblings (OH BOY does this happen…have you ever noticed that when you have a tough day or week, within a few days, or sooner - all of your kids are reacting to each other in ways that mirror your tough day/week?)...
...it happens. I have been working in this space, since my children were babies, but we all have times that feel tough and challenging. What's important is that we stop blaming ourselves also, and continue to allow ourselves to refocus into the bigger picture, that will help us in the moments.
After you begin to own your feelings and begin understanding that they are yours and no one else’s… your reactions coming from an earlier experience that echoed into your present moment (click here to listen to a SCM audioblog on emotions/feelings)…the next thing to do is to begin to learn how to pause your reactions, so that you can understand what they’re actually trying to tell you.
This is what I like to call, silent time.
I am a huge believer in silence…which is funny in a very ironic way, because any one that knows me personally knows that I talk A LOT.
When things are coming up, I take as much time as I need to sit with what’s coming up so that it can teach me, or tell me, what’s underneath the reactions.
During these times, I make it a point to only talk and interact when necessary.
When someone asks me a question.
When my children need guidance or if something needs my immediate attention.
If I have to talk on the phone (even this is limited) or go out… you get it. I ONLY talk when I have to.
The rest of the time, I’m silent.
I journal more...
I do deep breathing work...
I might meditate...
I might take a walk…
Take showers or a baths...
I do things that help me maintain my calm, while I’m analyzing what’s coming up.
Which leads me into the next thing.
I’ve learned how to view what’s coming up with a lens of cleansing, release, restructuring and healing.
This is something that requires some understanding.
The next thing, is that in these moments when things are coming up and I sit with them, to allow, I’ve
learned how to input instead, the reactions that I want to ripple.
I have learned that this process, over and over again, when I allow it, to show me, break me open, and guide me, always gives me what I need in the moments of stuff coming up for healing.
There is deeper work to do in this place, but when we learn how to understand the process and how to use it, we’re able to heal ourselves and stop the echo from moving into them.
The Ancestral Readings, were born during a time when I realized that my work was expanding into helping others see and work with deeper energies that were present within their family lines so that they could make changes to create - consciously create - what they wanted to see with their children vs, automatically putting into them (the parent), what was given to them as children…but before I began doing this kind of work for others, I began putting this work into my children and my home first.
This work began silently - as pretty much anything in life, that is part of our calling or purpose - before I was aware of it. Before I actually knew what I was doing.
It began with me as a child and teenager, loving children and being able to see their deep connection to spirit.
It began with me understanding that there was more to life, than what I could see with my eyes.
It began with me being able to see patterns and understand the energies that were surrounding me…only back then, it didn’t mean this. At first I thought that all people could do this, and then when I learned that that wasn’t the case, I thought that I was weird, and hid my abilities from everyone and everywhere.
But, because life is funny sometimes, I learned what it meant to actually do the deeper work of what I could see, in my home with my children, when I realized that I was creating the the opposite of what I wanted and believed. I became aware of this when my then 4 yo daughter, was not aligning with what I envisioned in my heart, for us.
This began my deeper work and my connection to the in-life - intentional (because before that I did this work on autopilot) - changing of the energies around me.
I realized that the habits, themes, actions and behaviors that I was putting into her, were not the habits that I wanted her (and my other children) to grow with. During this time, I also realized that I had some serious programming that was running on autopilot. Programming that I needed to release and change so that I could stop what I was doing the things that were not working.
I realized that we were playing out a story that had been set into motion years before I was even on this earth.
We’d been playing what I like to call the, “this is what was done to me, so I’ll do it to you,” game.
The reality hit that I had a lot of deprograming and changes to make, in order actually make the changes.
This sent me into a period in my time, that I call observation - a period in which I literally put everything on hold and just observed our entire life.
Our habits. Our interactions. My reactions. My thoughts. My patterns. My beliefs. Subconscious stories that I’d written, and was playing out. How these patterns played out in my children. My parents. How I reflected them, and how my children reflected me.
Everything, became a point of self reflection.
In it’s depth, this period lasted about 5 years (although I still move in this way often - especially when something is coming up that requires healing).
Understanding the what, where and why, became my focus so that I could understand my input, in order to change my output.
I became obsessed with making changes that would shift our lives, heal me and in turn heal them deeply.
During this time, I learned what it mean to put what I could see and understand into action…because truth be told, I can see the energies of everything all day long, but if I’m not putting what I see into action, they what’s the use?
The truth is that we are all, an amalgamation of our ancestors, the people, events and things that came before us, and when we learn to understand this, shift and evolve through it, rather than become entrapped in it, we evolve.
This time taught me how to deepen and strengthen my self awareness.
To learn to observe others outside of myself.
I learned how to challenge my self and beliefs.
How to stop auto reactions, and how to input what I wanted to create instead.
My insights and intuition deepened.
How to see the hurt, how to heal it, and stop it with me.
How to feel the feelings that those before me had suffered and fallen into.
I learned how to see my reflection in their actions.
I learned how to see my children for who they are, not what I perceived.
How to shift my mindset to help cultivate them, rather than fall into traps of hurt.
I learned how to grow in silence.
I learned how to forgive myself for my lack of perfection.
I learned how to input conscious creation and intention instead
I learned how to understand the process within this time, and how to use it to create.
I learned how to become the change.
It’s often said, that we have to know where we were, to know where we’re going - this time taught me that this is absolutely true.
The truth is that I am still always learning.
The future (or past) is not set in stone, and it is possible to make changes, to be the change that we want to see…we just have to be willing to do the work, the internal work, to change and heal.
This process comes again always at different times (usually when I feel like I have it all figured out HA!).
And each time, I gain something different - but always with the purpose of healing myself - and them - at a deeper level.
The truth is that ancestral work and readings, as well as my Soul Readings for the higher self of moms, and children, is all interconnected. It’s all part of the whole - part of the web or creation, that is always leading us home.
I started off my ancestral search (and I’m still not done), so that I could heal my children from what I’d done to them when I was blind, and the process brought me back home to myself.
This is the true meaning of when we heal the self, we heal the rest: 7 generations front, 7 back, and sideways as well.
Self healing, is ancestral healing, which is also child healing. It’s all connected.
Are you looking for deeper help to heal, transform, or move forward with something? Click HERE to learn how I can help you.
Or if Soul Readings are your thing, where I intuitively connect to to the other realms for you go HERE.
Emotions and feelings: Knowing the difference can Change your Life, bring Awareness and Help you Heal
I learned a long time ago, that for me to shift, into places of healing and understanding, that I had to start within first. One of the first places that I started, was with knowing and understanding the difference between emotions and feelings, and allowing these two different things to release what was mine, from what wasn't mine, and it allowed me to begin to release the behaviors and thoughts that were not serving what I wanted to create within my home, with my children and in my life.
In this week's, our audio blog, I talk about emotions and feelings, and how these things helped me make the changes that I was seeking, and how becoming aware of these things sent me into a rabbit hole, to discover and find what I'd been seeking.
The topics covered within are:
- the reactions of my children, and learning how teach them to react in the ways that lined up with our values,
- how learning the difference between emotions and feelings started me on a road to healing,
- and the differences are between emotions and feelings.
and other things as well.
To listen to it, click below.
To Follow me on Social Media
This week, I decided to create an "audio blog" instead, of a blog post.
Listen to why, and also learn about the connection between spirit babies and the blocks that we often come upon, that I learned about this week, trying to create a follow-up blog post, to the blog post Spirit Babies and the Magic that they bring.
In this "audio blog" I talk about:
- these connections,
- hitting a wall,
- the purpose of these walls
- and what to do when you hit a wall
To follow me on social media or contact me:
Today I want to talk about Spirit Baby Readings.
New Year comes fast doesn’t it?
It’s hard to believe that it’s already 2018. I feel as if 2017 was so short, maybe because I began 2017 with the intension of doing one thing, but the year took me in an entire new direction.
In 2017 I set out to conquer the world, with Soul Centered Mama. I felt at that time, that the way for me to help mamas, was to help them learn how to understand their children’s behavior, so they could learn to become the kind of mama who parents from the the soul - and 2017 reminded me that there is so much more to parenting from the soul than just understanding behavioral stuff, because there is deeper work that we do with our children, ourselves, and within our lives, to help us become Soul Centered so that we can be Soul Centered Mamas.
One of the things that I do best, is flow in order to introspect, and see the things that are happening all around me with detachment and understanding - so that when the time to act is upon me, I can step into the action that is required…now that we are officially in 2018, I can understand why 2017 was the way that it was: a year that I had to release and leave a lot of habits and thoughts that I identified with deeply behind me. I had to make and live many life changes, which reminded me that parenting, child behavior, and life are all intertwined. I remembered that changes are a part of life - and I had to change.
To learn what I’m talking about, go here.
Last week being New Year, a lot of us, were feeling the desire to make changes, and move away from things that no longer serve us - even though, many have been feeling the desire to make changes for quite sometime, I feel like it’s still the perfect time for me to talk about changes and maintaining changes in the long run, because it’s easy for life to swoop back into the same old stuff when we’re not consciously aware of how to continue the plans for the things that we want to do.
Today I want to talk to you about the mechanics of change.
Not because you want to reach a goal or because you were prompted to by a holiday, but because somewhere inside of yourself, you feel the inkling that something has to change - and when we know the process behind change, it’s easier to maintain what we want to create.
2017 showed me that in order or me to get to where I want to be, that I had to release what was not what or where I wanted to be, but more importantly I had to release the control of how.
2017 taught me about change through all of the events of last year, that really drove home, the fact that being a Soul Centered Mama, is more than just one aspect of life and motherhood, but also the deep process that permeates changes on various levels of life, and showed me the how changes happen.
Today I want to share, with you these steps.
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means knowing that something is not serving you, and allowing yourself the permission to change your mind. One of the things that we do, with or without realization is that we hold onto the idea of things that no longer serve us, because it’s what we know. It’s comfortable. In order to make changes, we have to surrender the idea or attachment to what no longer works. We have to be willing to part. To let yourself change your mind about what you thought was.
Allow yourself the space to heal, deeply. Healing your self, is often not instant, but comes in stages and waves. Sometimes, things feel like they’re going great as you go along, and then something comes in to put a kink in what you envisioned, and here you go, either backwards, or feeling down about something. This is ok. It’s a process. In this process many things will come up that will bring up more layers of the puzzle pieces that you’re trying to put together. Sometimes you need another insight. Sometimes, it’s another layer of stuff. Maybe it’s another change that necessary. It’s all ok. You’re gathering and understanding. Be ok with where you are, and allow yourself to be there without getting down on yourself. It’s part of the process. This usually happens throughout all of these other layers.
Allow yourself to feel that feelings that are attached to what you were holding on to. Know that there are emotions and feelings that will come up. Allowing them to come up as they come. Know that you’re grieving different parts of yourself. Your identity of what you thought was, in order to allow what will be. Sadness, exhaustion, crying, upset, anger, loss, etc. All of these normal things might come up. It’s ok. Let them come.
Similar to surrender, release is about letting go. Letting go of old habits. Releasing what your are doing, that no longer works. Realizing and releasing the grip that we have on habits and patterns that no longer align with what we are trying to create anew. Allow yourself to make changes, as you go along that help you to move into consciously creating the newness.
5. Trust/Be open.
I learned that all circumstances that come up, no matter how cruddy they feel, are ultimately part of the change. Trust that everything is happening for you to keep releasing. We have to be open to things that come up so that we can move into new. Change after all means something new. Sometimes new feels uneasy and makes us afraid. That’s ok. It’s part of change. When we trust that we will get what we want, it’s amazing how the universe synchronizes with us, to help us make the changes. We just have to trust without attachment (surrender) to what things will look like, or what they’re supposed to look like.
2017 was a year of lots of surrender and change for me, and while some of it was hard, all of it, at the end came because it helped me deepen the work that I am here to do. The work that will help me help mamas, in the various areas of their lives.
Does it mean that it’s easy? Nope. But it’s always worth it. All of it helped my understand the depth that we are healing, in order for us to be the change in our lives and for out children, and to help us align with our truths and selves.
Understanding how change happens, makes it easier to move into what you’re creating and how to make it happen.
P.S. To learn more, talk to me or schedule a Soul Reading, go HERE.
After a busy day of home schooling, starting the day with some work assignments for my Forest School training whilst the kids slept, then taking them out for a morning walk to try and quell the squabbling and bickering which had been yesterday, we got home from their evening swimming club and I faced the kitchen; dinner to cook, dishes to wash, and preparing the activities for tomorrow’s Forest School session. I looked around, all surfaces covered; plates, laundry, the sticky skins of lemons the girls had squeezed to make lemonade with mint from the garden earlier in the day, pots of dry lentils and beans my four year old loves to play with, the calls of the kids from the next room, and I felt truly, utterly beaten.
Beaten, not by the difficult behaviour of my kids, for they are no trouble really, they are lovely, vibrant, busy children, exploring, creating, learning, but beaten by the weight of the everyday overwhelm of everything that it takes to care for kids and run a home. There is just so much to do, always and everyday. And if we as mothers are not very careful, this overwhelm can soon take hold of us, distort our vision, overthrow our hormonal balance and wring the joy clean out of our mothering journey.
Sometimes we have to take a stand against it, against this morass of pressure which builds up within and around ourselves, and which oozes from social media. We have to stand up to it and say ‘no more’. We have to recognize that we are enough. That we are doing enough. That we love and care for our kids more than words can say, and we are doing our very best with the resources we have in each moment.
So let us face that overwhelm, and the voices which accompany it, chastising us, taunting us, reminding us of how we are failing, of how we are not enough, of how we are so much less than. Let us face this. Let us make it stop, and let us remind ourselves, dear, gentle mothers, that we are great. That we are greater, that we are so much greater than the overwhelm which surrounds us.
Rather than trying to run away from it, to shut everyone up, to quickly restore order, walk into the overwhelm, not away from it, walk deeper and deeper into it. And be still. Breathe deeper, deeper than the feelings, the intensity, the drama. As you may have done through labour and birth, taking your breath deeper than the intensity of the experience. Stop, and feel your power. Know you are a Creator. Know that all of this we see before us is of our own creation, and that of those around us. We are powerful creators, we have got this.
Step into the overwhelm, and breathe.
And say to yourself I am here; say to your children I am here.
For the power resides in your words, for when we are here, so fully and completely, with every fibre of our being, we are here, completely alive and in the present moment. And it is from here (and only here), that we are truly powerful and that we can truly affect change.
Look around, breathe deeper than the whole situation, and remind yourself, I am here. Feel this truth deep down in your body, deep in your belly, deep in your womb space.
Awaken to the presence of your power, and the power of your presence.
Allow the stillness to coarse through your veins, allow the spinning and shouting to fade away. Breathe deeper, and bring a sense of stillness to your surroundings.
Feel strength uprising, a strength far greater than the situation, and so capable, so able to hold what needs to be held.
Then feel an awakening in your heart. Feel fierce, pure unconditional love flowing from your heart centre, and feel a softening. As we hold the situation with our power, as we have this, we enable our hearts to open wide and from here we are able to see, once again, with eyes of love, compassion, empathy and understanding.
We have the power to hold, to sort, to connect, to create and re-create.
We remember. We are capable. We are wise.
Gentle mothers, we are so much more than the piles of laundry, the odd socks and diapers, we are so much greater than the unwashed dishes, the sibling squabbles and the feelings of failure which pervade our thoughts when we haven’t been as much, or as good as we hoped we could or should have been.
We are powerful, passionate and loving creators. We hold our children in our hearts, our minds, our arms and our homes. We hold them and tend to them with a love so fierce at times it scares us and shakes us to our core.
Breathe into your power, your love and your fierceness. Breathe deeper than the overwhelm, breathe deeper than whatever creations trouble you just now. Breathe deeper than them all.
And then find your point of stillness.
Connect with your power, connect with your gentle, fierce, pure and loving heart. And look at your kids, yourself and your situation through eyes of love. Feel waves of empathy, understanding and compassion flowing through you. You are love. And so are they. Remind yourself of this.
And now breathe deeper, deep down, all the way, to your place of inner power and indomitable strength. Remember you are as powerful as the Earth. Remember you are a Creator. Remember that you have this. You can do it. You are doing it. And then take a step forward. A step of love, a step of power. For one blazes the way for the other.
You are all of these things gentle mothers; we see you and we need you. Breathe deep, and share your fierceness, gentleness, strength and love with your children and the world. Remember this, we need you.
- Clare Cooper
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Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.