One thing this entire year has become resoundingly clear to me, and that is, that the only thing that I can do while I'm in it, is to learn how to be in the thick of the muck, the hurt, the yuck, and own it, so that I don’t input it into my children or loved ones.
This year has been a year of LOTS of ancestral release, healing, understanding and facing - on more levels than I can say. I've had to face and move through months of things coming up also.
In this entire process the one thing that I keep coming back to, over and over again, is repeating the pattern of allowing the hurt to move through without reacting.
Let’s be honest, we all have hurts and things that feel gross, that come up - all of us. The only differences are the way that we process it.
It has come to my recent understanding over the last few months, that even though I offer different types of readings to my clients, the work that helps them the most is learning how to use the time of being IN IT, productively...meaning, using the time of the hurt, as an avenue for learning and self discovery.
Using this time to get the most of who you’re supposed to move into and grow from, while not inputting the echo into those around you… the phrase “challenging to do” seems to feel minuscule in comparison to the task.
I always say, when I talk about my approach to “healing” and facing the things that don’t feel great, is that it feels like I’m running towards a firing squad with my eyes wide open and arms outstretched.
This doesn’t mean that it feels great.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not often afraid of the stuff that is going to come up, and the things that I’m going to feel, but what it does mean, is that I understand the importance of allowing this stuff to come up, so that it can be processed, seen, heard, felt, understood healed and released.
Today, I want to share some of the parts of this process.
Time and time again, because I/you/we am/are human, there is always something that we are moving through.
In our moments or days, sometimes years, we are all sifting through something that is trying to come out and move through.
The magic in this process, comes in when we stop fighting it, and give into what it’s trying to teach us…
The levels vary - obviously, because we’re all human and different - and the purposes in our lives vary also.
The only way to actually get what these things are trying to tell us, and learn how to use them for their purpose and ultimately heal them and move forward, is to understand that there is something for us to release into and learn from…
In this process, when we allow, is when we will find the jewels. Today, I want to share with you, how to allow yourself to move into this place, while not inputting unnecessary stuff into the people around you, so that you can get the most of it.
First. Why is this important? To stop the hurt from affecting those around you? Well. I’ll say because when we’re in places that don’t feel too great, and we’re not owning it, what happens is that we have a great tendency to give to (or project) our pain into others.
Sometimes it’s easier to do this, than to own…but when we don’t own, we repeat.
Now. I want to add a note here, that projecting hurt, and finding people who get us, that we can confide, in are two different things - but that’s another topic… so here we go.
As hinted above, the first thing to do, is to begin to OWN your feelings.
Own that these things are yours, and no one else’s.
It’s very easy for us to blame others and to say…
or some other thing that is easy to say. But the truth is that, our feelings/emotions are ours. No one else's.
To constantly blame, finger point and project, keeps other people accountable for our feelings and emotions.
It becomes a never ending cycle of pain.
You/me/we project onto them, they do it back to us, and in turn to other people that they come across. Sometimes siblings (OH BOY does this happen…have you ever noticed that when you have a tough day or week, within a few days, or sooner - all of your kids are reacting to each other in ways that mirror your tough day/week?)...
...it happens. I have been working in this space, since my children were babies, but we all have times that feel tough and challenging. What's important is that we stop blaming ourselves also, and continue to allow ourselves to refocus into the bigger picture, that will help us in the moments.
After you begin to own your feelings and begin understanding that they are yours and no one else’s… your reactions coming from an earlier experience that echoed into your present moment (click here to listen to a SCM audioblog on emotions/feelings)…the next thing to do is to begin to learn how to pause your reactions, so that you can understand what they’re actually trying to tell you.
This is what I like to call, silent time.
I am a huge believer in silence…which is funny in a very ironic way, because any one that knows me personally knows that I talk A LOT.
When things are coming up, I take as much time as I need to sit with what’s coming up so that it can teach me, or tell me, what’s underneath the reactions.
During these times, I make it a point to only talk and interact when necessary.
When someone asks me a question.
When my children need guidance or if something needs my immediate attention.
If I have to talk on the phone (even this is limited) or go out… you get it. I ONLY talk when I have to.
The rest of the time, I’m silent.
I journal more...
I do deep breathing work...
I might meditate...
I might take a walk…
Take showers or a baths...
I do things that help me maintain my calm, while I’m analyzing what’s coming up.
Which leads me into the next thing.
I’ve learned how to view what’s coming up with a lens of cleansing, release, restructuring and healing.
This is something that requires some understanding.
The next thing, is that in these moments when things are coming up and I sit with them, to allow, I’ve
learned how to input instead, the reactions that I want to ripple.
I have learned that this process, over and over again, when I allow it, to show me, break me open, and guide me, always gives me what I need in the moments of stuff coming up for healing.
There is deeper work to do in this place, but when we learn how to understand the process and how to use it, we’re able to heal ourselves and stop the echo from moving into them.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.