The Ancestral Readings, were born during a time when I realized that my work was expanding into helping others see and work with deeper energies that were present within their family lines so that they could make changes to create - consciously create - what they wanted to see with their children vs, automatically putting into them (the parent), what was given to them as children…but before I began doing this kind of work for others, I began putting this work into my children and my home first.
This work began silently - as pretty much anything in life, that is part of our calling or purpose - before I was aware of it. Before I actually knew what I was doing.
It began with me as a child and teenager, loving children and being able to see their deep connection to spirit.
It began with me understanding that there was more to life, than what I could see with my eyes.
It began with me being able to see patterns and understand the energies that were surrounding me…only back then, it didn’t mean this. At first I thought that all people could do this, and then when I learned that that wasn’t the case, I thought that I was weird, and hid my abilities from everyone and everywhere.
But, because life is funny sometimes, I learned what it meant to actually do the deeper work of what I could see, in my home with my children, when I realized that I was creating the the opposite of what I wanted and believed. I became aware of this when my then 4 yo daughter, was not aligning with what I envisioned in my heart, for us.
This began my deeper work and my connection to the in-life - intentional (because before that I did this work on autopilot) - changing of the energies around me.
I realized that the habits, themes, actions and behaviors that I was putting into her, were not the habits that I wanted her (and my other children) to grow with. During this time, I also realized that I had some serious programming that was running on autopilot. Programming that I needed to release and change so that I could stop what I was doing the things that were not working.
I realized that we were playing out a story that had been set into motion years before I was even on this earth.
We’d been playing what I like to call the, “this is what was done to me, so I’ll do it to you,” game.
The reality hit that I had a lot of deprograming and changes to make, in order actually make the changes.
This sent me into a period in my time, that I call observation - a period in which I literally put everything on hold and just observed our entire life.
Our habits. Our interactions. My reactions. My thoughts. My patterns. My beliefs. Subconscious stories that I’d written, and was playing out. How these patterns played out in my children. My parents. How I reflected them, and how my children reflected me.
Everything, became a point of self reflection.
In it’s depth, this period lasted about 5 years (although I still move in this way often - especially when something is coming up that requires healing).
Understanding the what, where and why, became my focus so that I could understand my input, in order to change my output.
I became obsessed with making changes that would shift our lives, heal me and in turn heal them deeply.
During this time, I learned what it mean to put what I could see and understand into action…because truth be told, I can see the energies of everything all day long, but if I’m not putting what I see into action, they what’s the use?
The truth is that we are all, an amalgamation of our ancestors, the people, events and things that came before us, and when we learn to understand this, shift and evolve through it, rather than become entrapped in it, we evolve.
This time taught me how to deepen and strengthen my self awareness.
To learn to observe others outside of myself.
I learned how to challenge my self and beliefs.
How to stop auto reactions, and how to input what I wanted to create instead.
My insights and intuition deepened.
How to see the hurt, how to heal it, and stop it with me.
How to feel the feelings that those before me had suffered and fallen into.
I learned how to see my reflection in their actions.
I learned how to see my children for who they are, not what I perceived.
How to shift my mindset to help cultivate them, rather than fall into traps of hurt.
I learned how to grow in silence.
I learned how to forgive myself for my lack of perfection.
I learned how to input conscious creation and intention instead
I learned how to understand the process within this time, and how to use it to create.
I learned how to become the change.
It’s often said, that we have to know where we were, to know where we’re going - this time taught me that this is absolutely true.
The truth is that I am still always learning.
The future (or past) is not set in stone, and it is possible to make changes, to be the change that we want to see…we just have to be willing to do the work, the internal work, to change and heal.
This process comes again always at different times (usually when I feel like I have it all figured out HA!).
And each time, I gain something different - but always with the purpose of healing myself - and them - at a deeper level.
The truth is that ancestral work and readings, as well as my Soul Readings for the higher self of moms, and children, is all interconnected. It’s all part of the whole - part of the web or creation, that is always leading us home.
I started off my ancestral search (and I’m still not done), so that I could heal my children from what I’d done to them when I was blind, and the process brought me back home to myself.
This is the true meaning of when we heal the self, we heal the rest: 7 generations front, 7 back, and sideways as well.
Self healing, is ancestral healing, which is also child healing. It’s all connected.
Are you looking for deeper help to heal, transform, or move forward with something? Click HERE to learn how I can help you.
Or if Soul Readings are your thing, where I intuitively connect to to the other realms for you go HERE.
New Year comes fast doesn’t it?
It’s hard to believe that it’s already 2018. I feel as if 2017 was so short, maybe because I began 2017 with the intension of doing one thing, but the year took me in an entire new direction.
In 2017 I set out to conquer the world, with Soul Centered Mama. I felt at that time, that the way for me to help mamas, was to help them learn how to understand their children’s behavior, so they could learn to become the kind of mama who parents from the the soul - and 2017 reminded me that there is so much more to parenting from the soul than just understanding behavioral stuff, because there is deeper work that we do with our children, ourselves, and within our lives, to help us become Soul Centered so that we can be Soul Centered Mamas.
One of the things that I do best, is flow in order to introspect, and see the things that are happening all around me with detachment and understanding - so that when the time to act is upon me, I can step into the action that is required…now that we are officially in 2018, I can understand why 2017 was the way that it was: a year that I had to release and leave a lot of habits and thoughts that I identified with deeply behind me. I had to make and live many life changes, which reminded me that parenting, child behavior, and life are all intertwined. I remembered that changes are a part of life - and I had to change.
To learn what I’m talking about, go here.
Last week being New Year, a lot of us, were feeling the desire to make changes, and move away from things that no longer serve us - even though, many have been feeling the desire to make changes for quite sometime, I feel like it’s still the perfect time for me to talk about changes and maintaining changes in the long run, because it’s easy for life to swoop back into the same old stuff when we’re not consciously aware of how to continue the plans for the things that we want to do.
Today I want to talk to you about the mechanics of change.
Not because you want to reach a goal or because you were prompted to by a holiday, but because somewhere inside of yourself, you feel the inkling that something has to change - and when we know the process behind change, it’s easier to maintain what we want to create.
2017 showed me that in order or me to get to where I want to be, that I had to release what was not what or where I wanted to be, but more importantly I had to release the control of how.
2017 taught me about change through all of the events of last year, that really drove home, the fact that being a Soul Centered Mama, is more than just one aspect of life and motherhood, but also the deep process that permeates changes on various levels of life, and showed me the how changes happen.
Today I want to share, with you these steps.
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means knowing that something is not serving you, and allowing yourself the permission to change your mind. One of the things that we do, with or without realization is that we hold onto the idea of things that no longer serve us, because it’s what we know. It’s comfortable. In order to make changes, we have to surrender the idea or attachment to what no longer works. We have to be willing to part. To let yourself change your mind about what you thought was.
Allow yourself the space to heal, deeply. Healing your self, is often not instant, but comes in stages and waves. Sometimes, things feel like they’re going great as you go along, and then something comes in to put a kink in what you envisioned, and here you go, either backwards, or feeling down about something. This is ok. It’s a process. In this process many things will come up that will bring up more layers of the puzzle pieces that you’re trying to put together. Sometimes you need another insight. Sometimes, it’s another layer of stuff. Maybe it’s another change that necessary. It’s all ok. You’re gathering and understanding. Be ok with where you are, and allow yourself to be there without getting down on yourself. It’s part of the process. This usually happens throughout all of these other layers.
Allow yourself to feel that feelings that are attached to what you were holding on to. Know that there are emotions and feelings that will come up. Allowing them to come up as they come. Know that you’re grieving different parts of yourself. Your identity of what you thought was, in order to allow what will be. Sadness, exhaustion, crying, upset, anger, loss, etc. All of these normal things might come up. It’s ok. Let them come.
Similar to surrender, release is about letting go. Letting go of old habits. Releasing what your are doing, that no longer works. Realizing and releasing the grip that we have on habits and patterns that no longer align with what we are trying to create anew. Allow yourself to make changes, as you go along that help you to move into consciously creating the newness.
5. Trust/Be open.
I learned that all circumstances that come up, no matter how cruddy they feel, are ultimately part of the change. Trust that everything is happening for you to keep releasing. We have to be open to things that come up so that we can move into new. Change after all means something new. Sometimes new feels uneasy and makes us afraid. That’s ok. It’s part of change. When we trust that we will get what we want, it’s amazing how the universe synchronizes with us, to help us make the changes. We just have to trust without attachment (surrender) to what things will look like, or what they’re supposed to look like.
2017 was a year of lots of surrender and change for me, and while some of it was hard, all of it, at the end came because it helped me deepen the work that I am here to do. The work that will help me help mamas, in the various areas of their lives.
Does it mean that it’s easy? Nope. But it’s always worth it. All of it helped my understand the depth that we are healing, in order for us to be the change in our lives and for out children, and to help us align with our truths and selves.
Understanding how change happens, makes it easier to move into what you’re creating and how to make it happen.
P.S. To learn more, talk to me or schedule a Soul Reading, go HERE.
After a busy day of home schooling, starting the day with some work assignments for my Forest School training whilst the kids slept, then taking them out for a morning walk to try and quell the squabbling and bickering which had been yesterday, we got home from their evening swimming club and I faced the kitchen; dinner to cook, dishes to wash, and preparing the activities for tomorrow’s Forest School session. I looked around, all surfaces covered; plates, laundry, the sticky skins of lemons the girls had squeezed to make lemonade with mint from the garden earlier in the day, pots of dry lentils and beans my four year old loves to play with, the calls of the kids from the next room, and I felt truly, utterly beaten.
Beaten, not by the difficult behaviour of my kids, for they are no trouble really, they are lovely, vibrant, busy children, exploring, creating, learning, but beaten by the weight of the everyday overwhelm of everything that it takes to care for kids and run a home. There is just so much to do, always and everyday. And if we as mothers are not very careful, this overwhelm can soon take hold of us, distort our vision, overthrow our hormonal balance and wring the joy clean out of our mothering journey.
Sometimes we have to take a stand against it, against this morass of pressure which builds up within and around ourselves, and which oozes from social media. We have to stand up to it and say ‘no more’. We have to recognize that we are enough. That we are doing enough. That we love and care for our kids more than words can say, and we are doing our very best with the resources we have in each moment.
So let us face that overwhelm, and the voices which accompany it, chastising us, taunting us, reminding us of how we are failing, of how we are not enough, of how we are so much less than. Let us face this. Let us make it stop, and let us remind ourselves, dear, gentle mothers, that we are great. That we are greater, that we are so much greater than the overwhelm which surrounds us.
Rather than trying to run away from it, to shut everyone up, to quickly restore order, walk into the overwhelm, not away from it, walk deeper and deeper into it. And be still. Breathe deeper, deeper than the feelings, the intensity, the drama. As you may have done through labour and birth, taking your breath deeper than the intensity of the experience. Stop, and feel your power. Know you are a Creator. Know that all of this we see before us is of our own creation, and that of those around us. We are powerful creators, we have got this.
Step into the overwhelm, and breathe.
And say to yourself I am here; say to your children I am here.
For the power resides in your words, for when we are here, so fully and completely, with every fibre of our being, we are here, completely alive and in the present moment. And it is from here (and only here), that we are truly powerful and that we can truly affect change.
Look around, breathe deeper than the whole situation, and remind yourself, I am here. Feel this truth deep down in your body, deep in your belly, deep in your womb space.
Awaken to the presence of your power, and the power of your presence.
Allow the stillness to coarse through your veins, allow the spinning and shouting to fade away. Breathe deeper, and bring a sense of stillness to your surroundings.
Feel strength uprising, a strength far greater than the situation, and so capable, so able to hold what needs to be held.
Then feel an awakening in your heart. Feel fierce, pure unconditional love flowing from your heart centre, and feel a softening. As we hold the situation with our power, as we have this, we enable our hearts to open wide and from here we are able to see, once again, with eyes of love, compassion, empathy and understanding.
We have the power to hold, to sort, to connect, to create and re-create.
We remember. We are capable. We are wise.
Gentle mothers, we are so much more than the piles of laundry, the odd socks and diapers, we are so much greater than the unwashed dishes, the sibling squabbles and the feelings of failure which pervade our thoughts when we haven’t been as much, or as good as we hoped we could or should have been.
We are powerful, passionate and loving creators. We hold our children in our hearts, our minds, our arms and our homes. We hold them and tend to them with a love so fierce at times it scares us and shakes us to our core.
Breathe into your power, your love and your fierceness. Breathe deeper than the overwhelm, breathe deeper than whatever creations trouble you just now. Breathe deeper than them all.
And then find your point of stillness.
Connect with your power, connect with your gentle, fierce, pure and loving heart. And look at your kids, yourself and your situation through eyes of love. Feel waves of empathy, understanding and compassion flowing through you. You are love. And so are they. Remind yourself of this.
And now breathe deeper, deep down, all the way, to your place of inner power and indomitable strength. Remember you are as powerful as the Earth. Remember you are a Creator. Remember that you have this. You can do it. You are doing it. And then take a step forward. A step of love, a step of power. For one blazes the way for the other.
You are all of these things gentle mothers; we see you and we need you. Breathe deep, and share your fierceness, gentleness, strength and love with your children and the world. Remember this, we need you.
- Clare Cooper
To submit a guest blog post for Soul Centered Mama, visit our Write for Us, page.
Today I want to share with you the truth of it means to parent consciously...because the truth is something different than what many people think...the truth is that this road can hurt and it's time for the truth to be seen, for what it is.
The ugly bits. The ones that many of us woke folk won't talk about...you ready? It will be a bumpy ride...
I grow with and through my children always, but that does not mean that it's easy...
Let me paint you a picture, because I live for the beautiful moments with our children that you see plastered all over:
...picture three brothers playing peacefully with each other. Taking turns and being considerate of one another. Having conversations about something that they heard, saw or learned about. Speaking to the youngest one with so much consideration that any onlooker would be in awe at such a sight. The sounds of laughter and cooperation filling the air...
Yes, this is beautiful and melodic indeed, and often happen in my home...but do you know just how these moments come to be? How we get here, and how this is cultivated through the moments that don't look like this (moment's that happen as well).
Do you know how many days and nights of soul searching there has to be in order for this to come to pass?
How many times I have to go within the depths of myself and darkness to make this happen?
Learning to stay present, in the moments that I want to disconnect from instead. Being present to screams, crying, fighting over toys, implications, and overwhelming toddler screams to make this happen? Over and over again.
The times that I had to stop to question my own programming, conditioning, automatic reactions, hurt, beliefs patterns and stories, to get there...and the reality that this has to happen consistently.
Do you know how many times I had to train my being, to look for the reason why. To tune in and find out their why and purpose, while tuning into and then releasing my judgments? All the while questioning my behavior and learning how to stop my own reactions?
Learning to listen to the feelings of the little one - or really more appropriate in my case "ones" - in front of me, to make the beautiful scene above happen? So that I can input into them what I want them to take versus what I feel.
Learning to see beyond a momentary discomfort into the cause of the problem.
Learning to care less about the thoughts of strangers while I'm out and about with my kids, when my three year old is having a meltdown because he is tired or hungry, so that I can address what he needs instead.
You see, the truth is that being a conscious mama has less to do with the things that people think about when they think conscious or "woke", i.e., crystals, channeling, astrology, tarot, organic, vegan, spells, etc., and more to do with being fully here now, allowing yourself to break wide open, for a deeper understanding, healing and then doing it again. Each time with the promise that what you receive will be a version of you, that is more whole than the last, even though it hurts now.
Being a conscious parent, means willing to face all of those dark parts within, so that you can face the little human that is looking at you without. The same one who is subconsciously poking around at all of those ugly dark parts - and learning how to release the idea of it being their fault or any of the judgments that come with these pokes.
It means, learning to face the shadow, ego, lions, wildness and hurt child within, and dying a million deaths to be the best parent possible for the child that is in front of you right now - with each child requiring his or her own set of action.
Learning to quiet the part of me that wants to run away from the thought of being touched, and learning to soften that for the little one who needs demonstrations of love much more than me needing to be left alone.
As a result teaching me the importance of healing the part who was told that touch during times of high emotions is bad or to be rejected...
It means learning the difference between discipline that builds, from the little voice that is telling you that your voice rules.
It means commitment to following this process through, and then doing it over and over again...through exhaustion, and the feelings of wanting to stop.
So. When I talk about conscious parenting, yup I'm all cosmos, stars and rainbows, but the truth is that the work that is happening is deeper than earth bound, it's work that is connected to the most important thing of all. My being. To that raw open space that wants to run away, and yet can't.
My commitment to this life, and to brining in the next level of 'conscious, woke folk', is bigger than me, and greater than a few tools (although don't get me wrong, I LOVE those tools)...but the truth is that the tools, and life style things, are just the surface - because the practice and action have to be consistent. We have to work on doing those things over and over again. The depths of navigation that is required to bring in people who are aware and free from the past that can bind us, is bigger than these things...and I am committed to the lifestyle and also to helping others understand these things also.
The parents that I have read for, have become instantly transformed through the sessions, but the truth is that there is always something that has to be moved into, with action - something that has to be faced or moved through. An action that we must do, or something that has to be felt...yes, it's a magical process, but it is a process indeed.
Want to schedule a Soul Reading, or learn more about Soulful Guidance Packages?
Till we talk again,
*This image does not belong to Soul Centered Mama. We do not claim any rights to it.
The most powerful thing that a woman can have, in her child rearing years, is a tribe. There. I said it…I remember when my children were all small, the years of four under four…as I like to call it…were some of the hardest years of my life, because these were the years that I was in the thick of it.
All of my children were young. They all needed me all of the time, and I felt that I had very little to give.
I was tired most of that time. I was sleep deprived. I had very little to no help, and everything depended on me. And for a long time, I felt like I was coming apart.
This was the time that I needed the most help, and support and yet, I had none. I was alone most of the time, when I needed sisterhood and community the most…
…because these years, these formative years when our children are younger, the time when their emotional state is created, the foundation for their lives, is when mothers should receive nurturing and caring support, so that they can be as balanced as possible.
But instead the reverse is true. This is the time when a lot of us, are lacking a solid support.
The damage that has been done to motherhood, on many levels, has ensured that we are alone when we need help the most.
A lot of our communities are damaged. The matriarchs of old, are broken, and the tribes that held us up, when it is most needed is no longer available.
Instead what we have is brokenness.
We have competition, we have hurt, we have others protecting their truth onto us.
We have mothers and women who are stuck in loops of pain from the past, who can no longer sustain the village that is needed…and the damage shows.
The pain that is in us, from the loss of tribe and connection, reverberates though us and our children.
It is a loud echo that is felt deeply in the hearts of our collective womanhood.
But today, I proclaim that this is no longer an option.
Today, I state publicly that we need to do better.
Today, I am giving mothers what I needed in those days of four under four.
I am giving you a tribe.
A tribe that listens to you while you heal.
A tribe that helps you when you are down.
A tribe that listens to you, and says "I see you sister.”
A nurturing community.
A sacred space…online. Because many of us, don’t have the option of leaving our children with someone…and mostly because this is the way that is easiest for many to gather - for now...
A space where you can come and learn about the delicacies that is childhood, childhood behavior and how to grow with your child, about yourself and how to release what doesn’t serve you, all while receiving the support of sisterhood.
Support that builds. Support that grows. Support that sees you where you are, and lifts you while you learn about how to be the best mama for your child, understand yourself and them…all while holding you, in a sacred space, while you grow.
Today, I announce that the SCM Sacred Motherhood Tribe, is officially open for enrollment.
It’s time that we come together as a whole and nurture each other where we are. Where we learn to give and receive love, in the ways that we want to give it to our children, while we learn how to be the best mother possible for our children…in the way that we deserve. Sisterhood that builds.
Time to grow from sacred sisterhood that heals…and it all begins Thursday, March 16th.
Do you want to learn more Go here.
P.S. The video for our Empowered Mama Workshop Series, SHADOW is available now! Click here to see.
We had a newborn and a three-year-old. My husband (MJ) was in a haze of pain from regular migraines, I in one of fatigue. We were both cranky.
I sat in front of my computer 10–16 hours every day, trying to work but spending hours as a social-media zombie. Probably once a day, I heard MJ yelling at the kids, and the kids crying. I would help calm the situation, then go back to slogging through my work, mentally walking through cold molasses.
Finally, sometime after midnight, I would climb into bed with a happy sigh and a huge grin at the thought of an hour or two of sleep before the baby woke to nurse or our daughter woke screaming.
She would shriek like someone was murdering her.
Exhausted, panicked, I frantically tried to quiet her so she wouldn’t wake everyone else. When she was finally calm and I tried to go back to sleep, she scream like a banshee again. Back to her room I went, quietly imploring her to go back to sleep.
Twenty minutes later, more screaming. I would again rush to her room, my voice rising as I begged, pleaded, “I have to sleep. I need sleep. Please, please… please, for the love of … why won’t you sleep?!”
Then I would hear myself yelling, “You are going to wake everyone else up. It is nighttime. It is time for sleep. People are trying to sleep!”
I felt ashamed at my loss of control. Something needed to change, but what? And how?
Our Life Savers
Then I discovered Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning. I liked the idea of getting a better handle on my life by using the Life SAVERS (silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, scribing)—but how in the world could I get up an hour before my kids to do this?! It was all I could do to stumble out of bed when they woke me in the mornings.
I was desperate, though, so I gave it a shot. It worked … sort of.
I started daily self-care again, brushing my teeth, flossing, exercising … even showering! (When did I stop doing these things? I wondered.)
But I felt good enough—almost human again—that I kept going.
Even from his haze of pain and sleepiness, MJ noticed the change in me, so he started doing the Life SAVERS too.
Our days were so much better when we did the SAVERS before the kids woke up, but we still had to claw ourselves out of bed each morning, sometimes before the kids. But I often fell asleep in my silence. And affirmations. And visualization. And reading.
We were seeing enough improvements to stay determined, though, so we muddled through.
Then MJ discovered Shawn Stevenson’s book Sleep Smarter. We were already doing most things Stevenson suggested, but implementing those last few things made a tremendous difference. Suddenly, with sleep in order, everything started falling into place.
A Whole New Family
MJ’s migraines dropped from affecting him every day to only once or twice a month. He went from being anxious about almost everything to calm, even cheerful. Our interpersonal interactions are more considerate, more thoughtful. We treat everyone—including ourselves—with more respect.
We worry less and are present, engaged with our lives, our children, and each other. We accomplish much more every day. We keep our tempers. We rarely yell. Our house is much more peaceful.
Through trial and error, we have 5 essentials that we must to do daily to live this new, better life:
1. Shut off electronics at least 1 1/2 hour before the household’s earliest bedtime--and keep them out of sleeping spaces.
2. Use topical magnesium spray. (Ingested magnesium isn’t nearly as efficacious.) The easiest way to do this is with an epsom-salt soak. MJ, our daughter, and I soak our feet each evening as part of our electronics-free time. (MJ needs more magnesium to keep his headaches down, so he also uses a magnesium spray, which can be purchased or made at home.)
3. Increased physical activity. (Do any activity that you enjoy, but when movement is aligned with breathing, as in yoga or Tai Chi, it can double as silence/meditation.)
4. Silence/meditation. (This brings your attention to the present moment, to observe from a place of detachment. After steady practice, you find a state of calm that you can more easily call to mind when disturbances and agitation arise during the day.)
5. Education/personal development. (Focus on anything you like … anything. The point is to make constant incremental improvement in some aspect of your life. Eventually, you start thinking in whole new ways and getting more creative in everyday problem solving.)
When we do numbers 1 and 2, we fall asleep faster and have better-quality sleep. Then it’s easier to get up when the alarm goes off, which makes numbers 3–5 even easier to do.
Thanks to implementing these strategies, something has shifted in us.
We are hopeful and have found new purpose. We examine everything in our lives, improving what works and eliminating what doesn’t. We are more fully present for everyone. We are kinder, gentler, more understanding. We are better models for our children, who also behave better, sleep better, and are more cheerful.
It all started with the Miracle Morning and sleeping smarter.
- Stephanie R.S. Stringham
Mother/Daughter: The Most Intense, Powerful Relationship you will Ever Have in Your Life (Guest Blog)
Standing in my mother’s kitchen hearing the words ‘I don’t love you and I will never change’, went through me like a knife but these were the words that I needed to hear to change my life. Why would a woman in her forties need to be accepted, praised and loved by her mother; why would she care about this when she was happily married with three healthy children of her own?
Because even after all these years the feelings to be accepted and loved were as strong was ever; words may fade away but emotions and feelings remain as intense as ever.
You can understand the 4-year-old putting her finger under the sewing needle to stop her mother sewing as she demanded attention. It makes sense that the 6-year-old would pull up the plants in the garden as the child pleaded her mother to acknowledge her and leave tending the vegetables. You would expect the 11-year-old to sob her heart out when she was left at boarding school in another country and the 16-year-old to cause argument after argument for any sort of attention.
But the fortysomething woman craving that same attention now she has her own life just doesn’t make sense.
Or does it?
This is my story but one that will resonate with millions of women around the world, a well-kept secret full of shame, resentment and hurt. If your own mother can’t love you, the very woman who bore you can’t praise, accept or value you, how could you possibly be worthy? So you spend a life craving these feelings from everyone else, becoming a needy person, and feeling worthless, useless, of little value and broken.
This relationship is so powerful that it affects the interaction with your partner, your children, your friends and yourself. This incredible bond, which was once based on love, can turn to anger, resentment, and guilt ruining your whole life.
Are you desperately trying to
· seek your mother’s approval,
· strive for her acceptance,
· win her praise,
· gain her acknowledgment
· yearn for that maternal warmth
· crave her love only to be disappointed in every effort you make
· and it just never comes?
With all of this trying and needing are you left:
· with such low self-esteem
· feeling worthless
· with utter guilt
· which ends up affecting every area of your life?
Until, you decide that you don’t need anything from anyone, least of all your mother – you really don’t need praise, affection, attention or love from anyone for you have all of this inside of you. The day that happens is the day you begin your journey of freedom. The journey is hard, it is slow, it is painful but it is truly the most astounding thing you will ever do in your life and it will give you such freedom and strength you could never have dreamt of.
Having totally transformed my life, Mum and I now have a loving relationship, we’ve been on holiday together, she visits for two weeks at a time but the greatest gifts are the paradigm is no longer alive in our family and I have given Mum the gift of healing herself.
Here are a few tips to start your healing journey TODAY.
1. STOP TRYING to - make things work, make things better, please your mother, say the ‘right’ things, ‘do’ the ‘right’ things, as it doesn't, work. You may have been trying this for years and feel even more disappointed.
2. Have NO EXPECTATION from your mother – when you phone her do not expect her to respond in a certain way, do not expect her to be happy for you, hug you, cheer you on or be interested in anything you have to say. When you stop the expectation you also protect yourself from being disappointed.
3. Understand that you DO NOT NEED anything from your mother – YOU ARE ENOUGH. You really do not need her affection, her praise, her validation, her approval or her love because you are enough.
4. The HEALING is all about YOU. For perhaps the first time in your life put yourself first, which means taking time for you, meeting your needs, meeting your own expectations, making you feel good. You’ve probably even forgotten how to do this after all of these years.
5. The healing process is one of acceptance of whom you are, letting go of the lack of need for your mother’s love in any form, re-writing the perspective of your past and finally the FORGIVENESS for both you and your mother.
We all deserve a life of peace and fulfilment – we all have a choice in life, will you be the one to make that change? What are you waiting for? Miracles aren’t out there – you create them!
- Louise Armstrong
Family Relationship Coach
Having suffered a lifelong destructive relationship with her own mother which also impacted on the relationship with her eldest daughter, Louise has managed to heal both of these entirely alone. Louise was invited to train as a Coach, NLP Practitioner, Theta Healer and now a Hypnotherapist through the turnaround in her own personal life; leaving behind trading the financial futures markets. Louise also specialises in mother-daughter relationship healing, as this relationship is the most intense, powerful relationship you will ever have, affecting every relationship you form in your life.
Louise has been very happily married to Ian for almost 28 years, has lived in Dubai for over 14 years and has 3 grown up children, Charlotte 26 years, James 25 years and Sophie 23 years, all now working and independent!
Her mission is to help as many people as is possible to enjoy loving relationships as she feels these are fundamental to living a happy life.
To visit her Website: www.louise-armstrong.com to message her directly: email@example.com
Today, on Thanksgiving eve, I want to take a moment to point out to you how far you've come.
I want you to see yourself three years ago, two years ago, or even one - and see that woman that you were, and send her some love. Being grateful for the lessons learned in-between that time and today.
I want you to see how important your growth has been, and the important lessons that you have learned since then. I know that there is as deep part of you, that through the trials, through the fire, and through the mountains that you have climbed, is deliriously proud, of the woman who you are now, as a result of everything...today I want you to honor her and give thanks.
Give thanks for the one constant in your life, your ability to keep going forward. Give thanks, for the little people who have propelled you into where you are now...and give thanks for the received blessings through these times, disguised as difficulties, that have allowed you to shed the skin that no longer fits.
During these festive times, it easy to forget ourselves, as we plan, prepare, and do. But allow me to give you the permission to take a moment, take a deep breath, center yourself, and go back to this younger version of yourself to see how far you've come, and in your inhale take in your blessings and while you exhale release what no longer is...
allow how far you've come, your strength, perseverance and the love that you have for you little(s), bless you in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Allow it to bless your home. Allow it to bless yourself. Allow the reflection of you Soul Journey, to heal you and move you forward.
As a gift, to welcome the holidays, I want to give you a special ONE TIME pricing offer, for a Soul Reading, of your choice for the ONE TIME offer for a 45 min. reading for $60. To book your time today, click HERE. If you know someone who needs this, please share.
Happy Thanksgiving ❤️
I have been going through a HUGE growth spurt over the last few months. I have been learning to love, understand, and remove from myself, the deep parts within me, that tell me that I am not worthy. That I am not important enough for something. Or the parts that lie to me, left over from childhood, that tell me that I am not right if I don't do things perfectly. I have been learning to heal myself, so that I can keep healing my kids forward.
I've loved parts of myself, that were down and hurting. The parts that I thought were unlovable. The parts that my children mirrored and magnified. Loved them deeply. Forgave them, and released them, so that I could fall in love with them them deeply within my children too.
In this process of growing Soul Centered Mama™, and helping mothers heal themselves, so that they can heal their children from within - naturally - has brought up for me, many different layers of stuff that I thought that I'd cleared. Just recently I found myself, in the throws of an epic rough moment with my three year old (what's normally considered a tantrum), where I felt something from deep within stir up into what reminded me of rage - a rage that I haven't felt for a long time, and I knew that it was my cue to go within to heal.
The truth of all of us, who work to help others align or find balance, is that we know the darkness of the other. I know this too...this is why I am called to help mothers - because I know this space well - and I feel pulled by something deeper than me to help them heal. I don't want to pretend and offer perfection, because this is not real...instead, I offer the truth of what I've gone through, and how I have changed it into something else...to give them the parts of me, that I've restored, through the depths of despair.
I've lived the despair. I know the pain. I've lived in the silent throws of self judgment and sadness. I've known the space that says you're not doing it right...to only climb out of it and say NO. There is another way. To only climb through another level...and this is OK.
In this space, where we only see on these highlight reels, too much of the glossed over pretty parts, and not enough of the real parts...today I want to sit with you, because I know where you've been. I want to sit with you. To be your mirror while you heal.
My calling is not to heal others, but to heal myself deeply, so that I can provide the space while they learn to heal themselves - because we can only really heal ourselves. To love those broken pieces within them, so that they can see that they too are worthy of love - and everything more - as they are reborn into their lives, and as I keep healing myself. It is my job, to hold a space for my mamas to love themselves deeply, with gratitude and forgiveness, to those broken childhood pieces so that they can go forward and do it for their little ones as well.
Today, I want to offer you a glimpse into this brand of healing. part of my understanding and growing from within, was learning that I am an empath and learning to understand my feelings, the feelings of others around me, and how to differentiate from them. Then going within to heal the deep hurt ones within me. Over the last few months, many mamas have come forward to me, and told me that they suspect that they are also empaths. They feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, and find it hard to control their emotions...In our NEW, and temporarily FREE membership site of Soul Centered Mama™, I speak about how to understand it, what it is, and how to block emotions that are not yours, so that you can start to understand what's going on.
If you want to book a clarity call with me you can do so HERE or, if you want to book a Soul Reading℠ with me, where I connect to the higher self of your child, yourself, or a baby in spirit, you can do so HERE.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.