New Year comes fast doesn’t it?
It’s hard to believe that it’s already 2018. I feel as if 2017 was so short, maybe because I began 2017 with the intension of doing one thing, but the year took me in an entire new direction.
In 2017 I set out to conquer the world, with Soul Centered Mama. I felt at that time, that the way for me to help mamas, was to help them learn how to understand their children’s behavior, so they could learn to become the kind of mama who parents from the the soul - and 2017 reminded me that there is so much more to parenting from the soul than just understanding behavioral stuff, because there is deeper work that we do with our children, ourselves, and within our lives, to help us become Soul Centered so that we can be Soul Centered Mamas.
One of the things that I do best, is flow in order to introspect, and see the things that are happening all around me with detachment and understanding - so that when the time to act is upon me, I can step into the action that is required…now that we are officially in 2018, I can understand why 2017 was the way that it was: a year that I had to release and leave a lot of habits and thoughts that I identified with deeply behind me. I had to make and live many life changes, which reminded me that parenting, child behavior, and life are all intertwined. I remembered that changes are a part of life - and I had to change.
To learn what I’m talking about, go here.
Last week being New Year, a lot of us, were feeling the desire to make changes, and move away from things that no longer serve us - even though, many have been feeling the desire to make changes for quite sometime, I feel like it’s still the perfect time for me to talk about changes and maintaining changes in the long run, because it’s easy for life to swoop back into the same old stuff when we’re not consciously aware of how to continue the plans for the things that we want to do.
Today I want to talk to you about the mechanics of change.
Not because you want to reach a goal or because you were prompted to by a holiday, but because somewhere inside of yourself, you feel the inkling that something has to change - and when we know the process behind change, it’s easier to maintain what we want to create.
2017 showed me that in order or me to get to where I want to be, that I had to release what was not what or where I wanted to be, but more importantly I had to release the control of how.
2017 taught me about change through all of the events of last year, that really drove home, the fact that being a Soul Centered Mama, is more than just one aspect of life and motherhood, but also the deep process that permeates changes on various levels of life, and showed me the how changes happen.
Today I want to share, with you these steps.
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means knowing that something is not serving you, and allowing yourself the permission to change your mind. One of the things that we do, with or without realization is that we hold onto the idea of things that no longer serve us, because it’s what we know. It’s comfortable. In order to make changes, we have to surrender the idea or attachment to what no longer works. We have to be willing to part. To let yourself change your mind about what you thought was.
Allow yourself the space to heal, deeply. Healing your self, is often not instant, but comes in stages and waves. Sometimes, things feel like they’re going great as you go along, and then something comes in to put a kink in what you envisioned, and here you go, either backwards, or feeling down about something. This is ok. It’s a process. In this process many things will come up that will bring up more layers of the puzzle pieces that you’re trying to put together. Sometimes you need another insight. Sometimes, it’s another layer of stuff. Maybe it’s another change that necessary. It’s all ok. You’re gathering and understanding. Be ok with where you are, and allow yourself to be there without getting down on yourself. It’s part of the process. This usually happens throughout all of these other layers.
Allow yourself to feel that feelings that are attached to what you were holding on to. Know that there are emotions and feelings that will come up. Allowing them to come up as they come. Know that you’re grieving different parts of yourself. Your identity of what you thought was, in order to allow what will be. Sadness, exhaustion, crying, upset, anger, loss, etc. All of these normal things might come up. It’s ok. Let them come.
Similar to surrender, release is about letting go. Letting go of old habits. Releasing what your are doing, that no longer works. Realizing and releasing the grip that we have on habits and patterns that no longer align with what we are trying to create anew. Allow yourself to make changes, as you go along that help you to move into consciously creating the newness.
5. Trust/Be open.
I learned that all circumstances that come up, no matter how cruddy they feel, are ultimately part of the change. Trust that everything is happening for you to keep releasing. We have to be open to things that come up so that we can move into new. Change after all means something new. Sometimes new feels uneasy and makes us afraid. That’s ok. It’s part of change. When we trust that we will get what we want, it’s amazing how the universe synchronizes with us, to help us make the changes. We just have to trust without attachment (surrender) to what things will look like, or what they’re supposed to look like.
2017 was a year of lots of surrender and change for me, and while some of it was hard, all of it, at the end came because it helped me deepen the work that I am here to do. The work that will help me help mamas, in the various areas of their lives.
Does it mean that it’s easy? Nope. But it’s always worth it. All of it helped my understand the depth that we are healing, in order for us to be the change in our lives and for out children, and to help us align with our truths and selves.
Understanding how change happens, makes it easier to move into what you’re creating and how to make it happen.
P.S. To learn more, talk to me or schedule a Soul Reading, go HERE.
Today I want to share with you the truth of it means to parent consciously...because the truth is something different than what many people think...the truth is that this road can hurt and it's time for the truth to be seen, for what it is.
The ugly bits. The ones that many of us woke folk won't talk about...you ready? It will be a bumpy ride...
I grow with and through my children always, but that does not mean that it's easy...
Let me paint you a picture, because I live for the beautiful moments with our children that you see plastered all over:
...picture three brothers playing peacefully with each other. Taking turns and being considerate of one another. Having conversations about something that they heard, saw or learned about. Speaking to the youngest one with so much consideration that any onlooker would be in awe at such a sight. The sounds of laughter and cooperation filling the air...
Yes, this is beautiful and melodic indeed, and often happen in my home...but do you know just how these moments come to be? How we get here, and how this is cultivated through the moments that don't look like this (moment's that happen as well).
Do you know how many days and nights of soul searching there has to be in order for this to come to pass?
How many times I have to go within the depths of myself and darkness to make this happen?
Learning to stay present, in the moments that I want to disconnect from instead. Being present to screams, crying, fighting over toys, implications, and overwhelming toddler screams to make this happen? Over and over again.
The times that I had to stop to question my own programming, conditioning, automatic reactions, hurt, beliefs patterns and stories, to get there...and the reality that this has to happen consistently.
Do you know how many times I had to train my being, to look for the reason why. To tune in and find out their why and purpose, while tuning into and then releasing my judgments? All the while questioning my behavior and learning how to stop my own reactions?
Learning to listen to the feelings of the little one - or really more appropriate in my case "ones" - in front of me, to make the beautiful scene above happen? So that I can input into them what I want them to take versus what I feel.
Learning to see beyond a momentary discomfort into the cause of the problem.
Learning to care less about the thoughts of strangers while I'm out and about with my kids, when my three year old is having a meltdown because he is tired or hungry, so that I can address what he needs instead.
You see, the truth is that being a conscious mama has less to do with the things that people think about when they think conscious or "woke", i.e., crystals, channeling, astrology, tarot, organic, vegan, spells, etc., and more to do with being fully here now, allowing yourself to break wide open, for a deeper understanding, healing and then doing it again. Each time with the promise that what you receive will be a version of you, that is more whole than the last, even though it hurts now.
Being a conscious parent, means willing to face all of those dark parts within, so that you can face the little human that is looking at you without. The same one who is subconsciously poking around at all of those ugly dark parts - and learning how to release the idea of it being their fault or any of the judgments that come with these pokes.
It means, learning to face the shadow, ego, lions, wildness and hurt child within, and dying a million deaths to be the best parent possible for the child that is in front of you right now - with each child requiring his or her own set of action.
Learning to quiet the part of me that wants to run away from the thought of being touched, and learning to soften that for the little one who needs demonstrations of love much more than me needing to be left alone.
As a result teaching me the importance of healing the part who was told that touch during times of high emotions is bad or to be rejected...
It means learning the difference between discipline that builds, from the little voice that is telling you that your voice rules.
It means commitment to following this process through, and then doing it over and over again...through exhaustion, and the feelings of wanting to stop.
So. When I talk about conscious parenting, yup I'm all cosmos, stars and rainbows, but the truth is that the work that is happening is deeper than earth bound, it's work that is connected to the most important thing of all. My being. To that raw open space that wants to run away, and yet can't.
My commitment to this life, and to brining in the next level of 'conscious, woke folk', is bigger than me, and greater than a few tools (although don't get me wrong, I LOVE those tools)...but the truth is that the tools, and life style things, are just the surface - because the practice and action have to be consistent. We have to work on doing those things over and over again. The depths of navigation that is required to bring in people who are aware and free from the past that can bind us, is bigger than these things...and I am committed to the lifestyle and also to helping others understand these things also.
The parents that I have read for, have become instantly transformed through the sessions, but the truth is that there is always something that has to be moved into, with action - something that has to be faced or moved through. An action that we must do, or something that has to be felt...yes, it's a magical process, but it is a process indeed.
Want to schedule a Soul Reading, or learn more about Soulful Guidance Packages?
Till we talk again,
Healing your body, mind and soul after a negative birth experience can be very challenging. Your experiences maybe have you feeling empty, alone, heartbroken or even depressed or traumatised? Maybe you feel like a complete failure, or completely disconnected from your little one? Let me tell you honey, whatever it is you are feeling, it is ok! It is ok, not to be ok! But it is also ok to want to move forward and let go of what no longer serves you.
I have been working with women all around the world, supporting them to heal their (birth)trauma. There are many things we can do to help you move forward to start your healing journey, but most importantly I want you to know is that you are not alone! You are not the only one who is feeling like this and you will get through this. But what can you do? When you feel in such a dark place? Let’s talk about my 3 favourite tips to help you get started;
Tip 1 – listen to your body
What you feel does matter, how you feel also matters, in fact you matter! Start tuning into your body and listen to what it is telling you. Do it right now, just for a minute or 2. I will wait... Close your eyes and feel.
Do you feel angry? Why are you angry? What is behind the anger? Or is it sadness? Or fear? Keep peeling away the layers and keep going until you get to your core. What is it what you need? Do you need to rest? Mourn? Go outside for a walk? Take up some new hobbies? Whatever it is, you need to start giving this to yourself.
Your body can hold onto a traumatic experience, even years after. You can feel this anywhere in your body, but what I see most often is sadness in the chest area, and guilt in the stomach. Our bodies do this, in case something similar happens again, so it can respond quickly right away to keep us safe.
If those feelings aren’t dealt with, it can lead to long-term health problems. That is why it is crucial to make time for yourself each day, to recognise these signs and paying the attention they deserve.
Tip 2 – Do what you love
The next step for you is to start doing what you enjoy again. What did you use to enjoy? Do you still enjoy it? If not, what would you like to start doing? It doesn’t have to cost a lot; it can be as simple as getting out some pen and paper out and making a beautiful drawing. Or maybe make yourself a lovely cup of tea of those tea leaves in the back of your cupboard you have been saving for ‘later’. Your time is now lady, and you need to put yourself first.
I love to use the example of a beautiful rose bush in this case. If the bush doesn’t row right, do we blame the bush? Do we tell the rose how worthless she is? Or do we help her, nurture her, replace her soil, give her water, food and the attention she needs to grow and blossom her beautiful flowers? You need to treat yourself like the beautiful roses! You can’t poor from an empty cup, so start filling it with what you need.
Tip 3 – I am Love
Stop telling yourself that you can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t afford it, I can’t [....] fill in the blank. For the next 4 weeks, I want you to start telling yourself that you can. I can be happy, I can put myself first, I can make that available in my budget. And maybe after those 4 weeks, you want to start saying yourself that “I am happy, I am beautiful, I love you [your name]” when looking into the mirror. Start loving yourself, the good, the bad and everything in between.
You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be happy.
Susanne Grant is an International Birth & Healing coach and specialises in (Birth) Trauma, PTSD & Body Issues. She supports women all around the world during pregnancy and after birth, providing them with the tools to heal (sexual) abuse & trauma as well as traumatic births. We felt Susanne would be the perfect addition to our website and we asked her to write this beautiful guest blog for you, in which she will share her 3 tips on how to heal birth trauma.
*This image does not belong to Soul Centered Mama. We do not claim any rights to it.
The most powerful thing that a woman can have, in her child rearing years, is a tribe. There. I said it…I remember when my children were all small, the years of four under four…as I like to call it…were some of the hardest years of my life, because these were the years that I was in the thick of it.
All of my children were young. They all needed me all of the time, and I felt that I had very little to give.
I was tired most of that time. I was sleep deprived. I had very little to no help, and everything depended on me. And for a long time, I felt like I was coming apart.
This was the time that I needed the most help, and support and yet, I had none. I was alone most of the time, when I needed sisterhood and community the most…
…because these years, these formative years when our children are younger, the time when their emotional state is created, the foundation for their lives, is when mothers should receive nurturing and caring support, so that they can be as balanced as possible.
But instead the reverse is true. This is the time when a lot of us, are lacking a solid support.
The damage that has been done to motherhood, on many levels, has ensured that we are alone when we need help the most.
A lot of our communities are damaged. The matriarchs of old, are broken, and the tribes that held us up, when it is most needed is no longer available.
Instead what we have is brokenness.
We have competition, we have hurt, we have others protecting their truth onto us.
We have mothers and women who are stuck in loops of pain from the past, who can no longer sustain the village that is needed…and the damage shows.
The pain that is in us, from the loss of tribe and connection, reverberates though us and our children.
It is a loud echo that is felt deeply in the hearts of our collective womanhood.
But today, I proclaim that this is no longer an option.
Today, I state publicly that we need to do better.
Today, I am giving mothers what I needed in those days of four under four.
I am giving you a tribe.
A tribe that listens to you while you heal.
A tribe that helps you when you are down.
A tribe that listens to you, and says "I see you sister.”
A nurturing community.
A sacred space…online. Because many of us, don’t have the option of leaving our children with someone…and mostly because this is the way that is easiest for many to gather - for now...
A space where you can come and learn about the delicacies that is childhood, childhood behavior and how to grow with your child, about yourself and how to release what doesn’t serve you, all while receiving the support of sisterhood.
Support that builds. Support that grows. Support that sees you where you are, and lifts you while you learn about how to be the best mama for your child, understand yourself and them…all while holding you, in a sacred space, while you grow.
Today, I announce that the SCM Sacred Motherhood Tribe, is officially open for enrollment.
It’s time that we come together as a whole and nurture each other where we are. Where we learn to give and receive love, in the ways that we want to give it to our children, while we learn how to be the best mother possible for our children…in the way that we deserve. Sisterhood that builds.
Time to grow from sacred sisterhood that heals…and it all begins Thursday, March 16th.
Do you want to learn more Go here.
P.S. The video for our Empowered Mama Workshop Series, SHADOW is available now! Click here to see.
You read the title of this blog post and probably wondered what the heck is wrong with this woman. How can I find joy in frustrating moments? I'm a mom, and there is so much to do, where is the joy in my to do list?
Well, I'm here to tell you that there is plenty of joy to be found. The key lever in discovering this joy is in how you look at the situation. I know it is hard. With all the demands on our plates as moms, it is a challenge to remember to slow down and be joyful. The beautiful thing is we have a choice in everything we do and with that choice comes the opportunity to find joy.
For example, your children make a mess in the living room after you have cleaned up. When my kids make these kinds of choices, it infuriates me. I mean, they just saw me cleaning up and here they go creating a mess. It is frustrating and hard to get past, but at that moment I have a choice to make. I can scream at them for what they just did, or I can take a few breaths to calm down and look for some joy at the moment. When I give the situation a fresh look, I see my children playing creatively, safely and happily. I realize I can use this moment to teach them how to clean up their mess and how to help mommy when she is cleaning.
It doesn't happen seamlessly every time. There are times when I blow up and just let my rage take over. However, I keep those moments to a minimum.
I want my children to have happy memories of their time with me. Life does happen, so all of our times together won't be happy ones, but I can make a choice to find happiness more often than not.
Finding your Joy in Frustrating Moments
1. Release expectations that everything must be perfect.
Just because you cleaned the house doesn't mean it has to be spic and span. Know that there is beauty in the imperfections, and by releasing your expectations, you are allowing more joy to come your way.
2. Take a deep breath before making a choice.
When you feel your body tensing and the frustration boiling, take a deep breath. Let the breath bring relaxation into your body. Wait until that breath is released before making choices.
3. Look for moments of joy.
Purposefully look for the moments of happiness. Make an effort to look for the laughter and the happiness at the moment.
You have a choice whether to be joyful or to be frustrated. What choice will you make?
- Elly Blanco
Would you like to write for us, too? You can learn more about it HERE.
I started off this post with the intension of elaborating on a video that I shared with my tribe Soul Centered Mama a few days ago, where I was talking about how language affects the way that we parent our children...but as life is, my toddler woke up as I started to write and completely derailed my thoughts - and something else came instead: this blog post is about that thing...
I found myself completely annoyed when my baby (he's three. he's a toddler. I call him baby) woke up, and feeling frustrated because I had to stop my thought process and the story with the words that I'd already written in my brain. My train of thought was derailed and here I was doing something other than what I set out to do. Then it hit me. This happens a lot. My frustrations when I intended to do something that wasn't possible at the moment. As I surrendered into the moment of putting him back to sleep, I introspected (my go to method) about how often this happens - frustration about not being able to do what I set out to do, and then the memory of my past reactions came flooding to me in an instant. Memories about past reactions of mine (interject past regrets turned into future lessons) came flooding in (goodbye frustration over stopping my intended blog post) - and I realized that many of my less than stellar moments in parenting came as a result of me not being in, and surrendering to the moment that I was living. This happened almost always, when I was in my head, trying to figure out how to finish, do, or get what I wanted vs actually being present in what is happening at the moment. This is something that happens to many of us, a lot.
One of my tribe members, posted about her frustrations because she had a huge list of to dos and a baby who is needing of her attention, and here my little one is causing me to stop my plans, and I have to do something other than what I thought I was going to do, and I must say that the likelihood of this is pretty grand considering that small children always need us - but nonetheless I find the timing to be synchronistic and almost magical - because you see, somewhere in my time to reflect upon her circumstances and my own similarities, I've come to remember the simple fact that the reason that I, and a lot of us suffer is because sometimes in the moment - with our children - we are trying to live in a moment that is not where we are. As seasons change, and certain times of the year invite certain feelings or times in our lives: i.e. summer: socialization, fall: introspection/shedding, winter: introspection/solitude, spring: renewal/rebirth, etc., the same is true with our families and times with our children...as the seasons we too have different periods in our lives - and within our families - that call for different modes...when I understood this a few years ago, it became one of the most freeing bits of knowledge that I was gifted, because some of the hardest periods in my life with my children came when I was trying to live in a "season' that was not conducive to the time that I was living.
I've gotten to the point where I realize that sometimes my home needs me to be hands on, and in others I will need be to be an observer. There are times where I have to schedule my personal time super late or very early in the morning, or times when my kids will be so into an activity or thing (we homeschool) that I can do what I need to do during any time of the day. Learning which is necessary at which time, is like unlocking the key to a store of magic...as I've grown wiser through all of the trials that have come and gone, I am reminded to let go of what I thought was supposed to be, and was met instead with what is. I learned that letting go is not the same as giving up - that there is power in surrendering to now - and that now holds more lessons for growth and love than a plan of what I had to do, but was not possible right now. I learned about the power in surrendering, trusting the process, while putting away my shoulds and woulds that usually cause severe reactions to the ones around me. I learned that the things that have to happen always happen anyway, and that even when the moment is rough, that there is a reason and a purpose for it...There will always be things to, finish and/or prepare, but when I understand where I am now and work with that, I am usually surprised by what happens, and I don't go into the frustration or react in ways (past regrets turned to future lessons lol) that don't line up with the way that I want to treat my children...and hey look, my baby fell asleep, and this blog post was written anyway.
Wanna talk to me? Ok. I invite you to set up a time to chat Here, or get a reading? You can schedule one of those HERE
*don't forget to share this blog post if it resonates
Let's talk about how we can start to learn about stories, behaviors and habits, and learn to move forward now, shall we? For starters, let's talk about the principles of energy. Everything that is, is made up of energy: us, our children, our lives, our loved ones. As we move through life, the energy that is within us, is made up of the many different experiences that we've had, and are shaped by our perception or the way that we view life.
Our children, as we are, have certain energies that are present within them - believe it or not, all children are born, carrying the energy of the time before their birth (up to a year before their birth and your pregnancy). This energy that they carry within, manifests without as emotions, predispositions in behavior, preferences...this is why many times, we instinctively tell pregnant women, not to be in places that may cause them upset or may cause them or their baby harm. We know this emotionally, but when we think about the effect of what this means, after the baby is born, a lot of things can come into perspective. When we start to apply this, to who our children are now, it is possible to not only understand certain behaviors, and predispositions, but we can also learn how to start to move into different situations with an intuitive understanding of what we need to do to help our child in a way that is helpful for them.
This understanding, is more helpful to us, when our children are still very small. I'd say possibly under three years old. This is because as they start to get older, their personalities and reactions start to become colored by experiences that they have within their world - but, the younger that a child is, the more true they are to their nature - to the essence of who they are. If you have a younger child, who you'd like to try to understand in this way (or an older child, who you want to start to trace and understand some of their core personality or traits), one of the best ways to start, is to start to look at the time before your pregnancy, your pregnancy, and their birth - energetically. For instance, you can ask yourself, did I have a calm pregnancy? What was that time like? When I think about that time, was I excited? Was I timid to life and fearful? Was I ready to leap into life? How did I feel about myself and the people around me? What was my outlook? Then begin to look at your child and their predispositions. Does anything about who they are remind you of the times before or during your pregnancy? How can you use this understanding to help them now? Or to help you view and react with them in a way that is helpful and conducive to creating balance?
Another exercise, is to start to look at your birth. Our births are great examples, and predictors into future stuff with our children. I can literally go back into the birth of all of my kids, and think of a few adjectives that describe them. For example, my twin son's birth, was done via a c-sec., and they are both, very analytical, they are practical, and very logical...as to where my daughter's births were in a birthing center, where I labored naturally with little to no intervention from my midwives, and they are both very free spirited. They have a very organic view of themselves and life. My last baby's birth was very long, and it was a practice in patience. This little dude is just like this. It takes him a long while to open up to things that are new or take him a while to open up to, and I know that I have to have a lot of patience with him when it comes to anything that is new. Understanding them in this way, helps me guide them in ways that are helpful to their personalities. I don't expect them to be any one that they are not. These are all energetic things that I notice about my children, in relation to my birth, but there is also so much more, that will just be too long to get into now...but you get the point.
The purpose for me telling you this, is because #1 when we start to understand the core of who our children are and their energetic make up, we can stop fighting who they are and align ourselves with their needs...especially when they are younger and we are still figuring things out - and #2 because I sincerely believe that it's time for us to start to understand how the energies that are present within our home, are playing out in our lives...as they say, energy speaks louder than works, and in a world that is made up of energy, the one who understands it, is king (in your case queen - my goal is to help you start to understand how these energies are playing out in your home, so that you can realign and find harmony)...
...now, of course this is not the be all end all of why certain behaviors or things that we don't fully understand occur - this is just the beginning...it's the tip of the iceberg, and only a basic understanding to the energies that make a part of our children and our selves, and how they shape and affect our homes. Beyond this, there are other factors that come into learning how to understand our children so that we can align with the natural flow of who they are and guide them in a way in which we struggle less, but it is my purpose to start to begin these conversations, so that mothers can learn how to begin to understand their children in a more holistic way.
To learn more about how to understand these principles, and how to apply them into your live, you can schedule a call with me HERE, or book a reading with me HERE.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.