Healing your body, mind and soul after a negative birth experience can be very challenging. Your experiences maybe have you feeling empty, alone, heartbroken or even depressed or traumatised? Maybe you feel like a complete failure, or completely disconnected from your little one? Let me tell you honey, whatever it is you are feeling, it is ok! It is ok, not to be ok! But it is also ok to want to move forward and let go of what no longer serves you.
I have been working with women all around the world, supporting them to heal their (birth)trauma. There are many things we can do to help you move forward to start your healing journey, but most importantly I want you to know is that you are not alone! You are not the only one who is feeling like this and you will get through this. But what can you do? When you feel in such a dark place? Let’s talk about my 3 favourite tips to help you get started;
Tip 1 – listen to your body
What you feel does matter, how you feel also matters, in fact you matter! Start tuning into your body and listen to what it is telling you. Do it right now, just for a minute or 2. I will wait... Close your eyes and feel.
Do you feel angry? Why are you angry? What is behind the anger? Or is it sadness? Or fear? Keep peeling away the layers and keep going until you get to your core. What is it what you need? Do you need to rest? Mourn? Go outside for a walk? Take up some new hobbies? Whatever it is, you need to start giving this to yourself.
Your body can hold onto a traumatic experience, even years after. You can feel this anywhere in your body, but what I see most often is sadness in the chest area, and guilt in the stomach. Our bodies do this, in case something similar happens again, so it can respond quickly right away to keep us safe.
If those feelings aren’t dealt with, it can lead to long-term health problems. That is why it is crucial to make time for yourself each day, to recognise these signs and paying the attention they deserve.
Tip 2 – Do what you love
The next step for you is to start doing what you enjoy again. What did you use to enjoy? Do you still enjoy it? If not, what would you like to start doing? It doesn’t have to cost a lot; it can be as simple as getting out some pen and paper out and making a beautiful drawing. Or maybe make yourself a lovely cup of tea of those tea leaves in the back of your cupboard you have been saving for ‘later’. Your time is now lady, and you need to put yourself first.
I love to use the example of a beautiful rose bush in this case. If the bush doesn’t row right, do we blame the bush? Do we tell the rose how worthless she is? Or do we help her, nurture her, replace her soil, give her water, food and the attention she needs to grow and blossom her beautiful flowers? You need to treat yourself like the beautiful roses! You can’t poor from an empty cup, so start filling it with what you need.
Tip 3 – I am Love
Stop telling yourself that you can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t afford it, I can’t [....] fill in the blank. For the next 4 weeks, I want you to start telling yourself that you can. I can be happy, I can put myself first, I can make that available in my budget. And maybe after those 4 weeks, you want to start saying yourself that “I am happy, I am beautiful, I love you [your name]” when looking into the mirror. Start loving yourself, the good, the bad and everything in between.
You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be happy.
Susanne Grant is an International Birth & Healing coach and specialises in (Birth) Trauma, PTSD & Body Issues. She supports women all around the world during pregnancy and after birth, providing them with the tools to heal (sexual) abuse & trauma as well as traumatic births. We felt Susanne would be the perfect addition to our website and we asked her to write this beautiful guest blog for you, in which she will share her 3 tips on how to heal birth trauma.
*This image does not belong to Soul Centered Mama. We do not claim any rights to it.
The most powerful thing that a woman can have, in her child rearing years, is a tribe. There. I said it…I remember when my children were all small, the years of four under four…as I like to call it…were some of the hardest years of my life, because these were the years that I was in the thick of it.
All of my children were young. They all needed me all of the time, and I felt that I had very little to give.
I was tired most of that time. I was sleep deprived. I had very little to no help, and everything depended on me. And for a long time, I felt like I was coming apart.
This was the time that I needed the most help, and support and yet, I had none. I was alone most of the time, when I needed sisterhood and community the most…
…because these years, these formative years when our children are younger, the time when their emotional state is created, the foundation for their lives, is when mothers should receive nurturing and caring support, so that they can be as balanced as possible.
But instead the reverse is true. This is the time when a lot of us, are lacking a solid support.
The damage that has been done to motherhood, on many levels, has ensured that we are alone when we need help the most.
A lot of our communities are damaged. The matriarchs of old, are broken, and the tribes that held us up, when it is most needed is no longer available.
Instead what we have is brokenness.
We have competition, we have hurt, we have others protecting their truth onto us.
We have mothers and women who are stuck in loops of pain from the past, who can no longer sustain the village that is needed…and the damage shows.
The pain that is in us, from the loss of tribe and connection, reverberates though us and our children.
It is a loud echo that is felt deeply in the hearts of our collective womanhood.
But today, I proclaim that this is no longer an option.
Today, I state publicly that we need to do better.
Today, I am giving mothers what I needed in those days of four under four.
I am giving you a tribe.
A tribe that listens to you while you heal.
A tribe that helps you when you are down.
A tribe that listens to you, and says "I see you sister.”
A nurturing community.
A sacred space…online. Because many of us, don’t have the option of leaving our children with someone…and mostly because this is the way that is easiest for many to gather - for now...
A space where you can come and learn about the delicacies that is childhood, childhood behavior and how to grow with your child, about yourself and how to release what doesn’t serve you, all while receiving the support of sisterhood.
Support that builds. Support that grows. Support that sees you where you are, and lifts you while you learn about how to be the best mama for your child, understand yourself and them…all while holding you, in a sacred space, while you grow.
Today, I announce that the SCM Sacred Motherhood Tribe, is officially open for enrollment.
It’s time that we come together as a whole and nurture each other where we are. Where we learn to give and receive love, in the ways that we want to give it to our children, while we learn how to be the best mother possible for our children…in the way that we deserve. Sisterhood that builds.
Time to grow from sacred sisterhood that heals…and it all begins Thursday, March 16th.
Do you want to learn more Go here.
P.S. The video for our Empowered Mama Workshop Series, SHADOW is available now! Click here to see.
Over the last few weeks - ever since I introduced the Ancestral/Matriarchal Lineage Soul Reading - I have been gaining a deeper understanding about myself and my role in my maternal line. The world has opened up and I am understanding, the complexities and energies of my role in the bigger picture of what I am doing. I can see with more clarity how the past choices of my mother (and her mother before her) brought us to the spaces that we are in today, as well as how I do the same with my children…it’s almost line I can see the decisions, thoughts and actions manifest…and my connection to the world as a whole and to other mothers and their daughters has also been expanded.
A few days ago, I decided to skim through the movie Lovelace - something that has been happening to me more and more…the desire to watch movies (I rarely watch movies, or TV - but have been called to, over the last few weeks), and this movie was one of them. It is the real life story of a young woman gets married to a abusive and controlling man, who pushed her into doing pornography…and about the abuse that she suffered a result of him and how she got out of it *if this king of stuff triggers you, please don’t watch the movie - I assure you I had to skip thorough most of the movie because I am very sensitive to these themes and stories* …now I know that you’re thinking, ‘ Okay, what does this have to do with anything?’ Well to put it simply, somewhere along the story, before she is able to actually get away from the abuse, she decided that she wanted to get away from her husband and the abuse, and she went to her mother to ask for a place to stay: she describes some of the abuse that she is going through with her husband, to which her mother responds, “well what did you do?”, proceeding to remind her that women must be obedient to their husbands and other things along this line.
At the end of the movie, once the character is free from the abusive husband, and is talking about her experience, she is asked the question by a TV host, regarding how she ended up the porn industry and why she allowed the husband to dictate to her what she did, to the extent that she did, her response was 'I grew up thinking that I had to be obedient to my husband.’ Stating somehow that she was taught not to question and to comply…and for me, it all came down to the reality that, no matter how much we try to avoid it, the decisions that we make, the way that we treat and react to, and the thoughts, habits and energies that we put into our children, have an effect - and the energies of these things carry further than we understand at the moment that they are happening.
After doing some research, after the movie, I learned that the mother of the protagonist was a devoutly religious women, who’s views on marriage and life, were very rigid and shaped her daughter to the point that she felt, in her Self, that she had no choice other than to obey her abuser…yes, it’s easy to say well, she didn’t have to. Or to think well, she could’ve always escaped and not have followed what was taught to her, but I ask you:
How many of us, unconsciously create and act out what we viewed as children? Or how many times do you react in a way that remind you of your mother? Things that you thought or swore that you would never do or say to your children, make it’s way our of your mouth or came up as actions?…
In order to make the changes necessary in our lives, to escape the conditioning that was input into us as children we must really dig within and question everything about us: thoughts, beliefs, meanings of ourselves, the role that the people around us play…it is a very involved process.
The story of her life has brought me back to the reminder that the things: ideas, examples, thoughts, etc., have a lasting effect of who they are.
As I step away from her perspective, the protagonist and move into a space of understanding her mom, and I think about how she must’ve felt to know that the belief system that she inputted into her daughter caused to much pain for the both of them:
this also connects me to the pain that must’ve been inputted into the mom from childhood (to grip an ideology so heavily as a saving grace), as well as the pain that this must've caused her (the protagonist) children, and the healing that must’ve had to happen or is probably still happening, I am amazed by the grander off all of this.
Spiritually, as a channel I see, and understand the bigger picture:
This was necessary in part of the the human consciousness in order to help women release some of the baggages of bondage to the patriarchy that was apparent throughout the entire movie: her mother’s, as well as the use of her body by being objectified the way that it was. I understand that this journey was necessary to help her get into a space where she grew stronger through the lack of strength. She was forced to climb through the trenches in life, to find her voice, for her maternal line, who had none, and to help other women, through a book that she eventually wrote, to help victimized and abused women in the world…
But as a mother and a woman, I am reminded that this moment, NOW, is where the things change. It’s where the stuff happens, and it can only happen when I change myself, so that my junk is not passed onto my children - and this movie was a great reminder of this concept.
When I started to move into a space of becoming a more in-tuned mama in order to change the things that I didn’t want to input into my children, the first place that I started was in becoming in-tuned with myself. I began to listen to myself, my stories, my thoughts, and my feelings…I began with stripping myself from the things that no longer served my children. I took their behavior as my guides. I allowed myself question myself and question my actions…I learned to become empowered by learning how to empower my children. I learned how to understand what was happening around me, and tuned into my inner world, and into the things that made my family, my lineage as well as my children…and I know that it’s time for more of us to do this inner work as well.
To understand how our choices, affect our children in the future. TO do away with the junk within ourselves that no longer serves us. To empower ourselves and our children and the coming lineage.
I know that it is no coincidence that the Ancestral/Maternal Lineage Soul Readings have been brought to life at this moment. Because the time for them is right. Now more than ever, we: Mothers/Woman are ready to step into our power. To understand the things that shaped us at one point, understand they why’s, connect with our lineage, energetically, release what no longer serves, and move into our power so that our children can grow in the world, free from the chains of the past.
I was fortunate to find a space when my children were younger where I learned how to claim my power, and I want to share with you how to do this also…
Myself and two shamanic teachers, have put together a video series, and workshop called the Empowered Mama, where we will be helping mamas step into this space. We will be giving them get the tools to step into a space where they are empowered in their journey, by helping the access the things that they are here to heal and move forward from, with their children.
Because it is time for us to move into our power. To do the work that we are here to do, and learn how to release the things that no longer serve us - to heal ourselves and our children. To learn more about this video series, as well as the 2 day workshop in NY go here.
Or if you want to receive a Ancestral/Matriarchal Linage Soul Reading, or learn more about them, go HERE.
While many women dream of becoming doctors, lawyers and CEOs, some of us dream of becoming mothers.
Unfortunately, many women are robbed of that precious gift, due to infant loss or infertility.
According to the March of Dimes, as many as 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. That's about 1 in 4 women...
....I happened to be that "1" in 4.
And after being left with unanswered questions and the option of fertility drugs, (which never addresses the deep-rooted issue) I begin to search for natural alternatives. In my quest, I was awakened to my innate abilities to heal myself and birthed a vibrant prince!
My name is Angelique Jefferson, often referred to as the ‘Womb Whisperer’, I help women who struggle with fertility issues, welcome new life into their bodies. Through personalized holistic methods for the mind, body and soul, I help women release emotional trauma, enhance their reproductive health and create new life.
The key to holistic conception is to tap into your inherited power, as the divine feminine and heed to your body's whispers.
In preparing for pregnancy, it's not only important to cultivate the physical body, but the emotional and mental bodies. We carry so much within our wombs: resentment, anger, jealousy, envy, guilt, secrets, lies, shame, etc. These emotions (energy-in-motion) manifest as dis-ease in the physical body and oftentimes, are passed down to the next generation.
When faced with challenges of trying to conceive, it's imperative to look deeper within. Unfortunately, many women are unaware of underlying issues that require time to heal. This leads to desperation and drugs - further burying the issue, leaving it to fester into a bigger problem.
Biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton, states:
"Your children's genes reflect only their potential, not their destiny. It is up to you to provide the environment that allows them to develop to their highest potential."
This suggests that your cells are programmed with information from past experiences, despite whether you've forgotten about them, suppressed or ignored them..they're still there lingering in the closet ready to attach to the soul of your baby at conception. All of who we are, become apart of the signature imprint our baby!
As a Sacred Holistic Fertility Coach, I express to my clients that, “woven in every perceived circumstance, is a potential gift" - that gift is that you have the opportunity to not only prepare for conception but create an ideal internal environment for your baby to develop to their highest potential. Within you is the innate ability to gain control of your fertility health.
Whether it's PCOS, multiple miscarriages, irregular periods or unexplained infertility, it all boils down to this:
Are you willing to do that which is required of you on behalf of the lineages you represent?
A mother has a grand responsibility in shaping the future. Children come to the world with seeded soulful missions and our duty is to help nurture those seeds so they blossom into purposeful members of humanity.
How can we as mothers do this for our children if we haven't taken the time to cultivate who we truly are?
This is why a part of my mission and divine calling is to help facilitate the future teachers, light bearers and healers, in navigating through mothers who are healed, forgiving, loving and being their best self.
This is how we co-create a Legacy of Love, THIS is TRUE Generational Wealth!
Are willing and ready to build your legacy and welcome new life into your body?
Visit me at Lotusmamalove.com
You can also find me on Instagram & Facebook at Angelique Jefferson.
I love you with my highest love.
It’s easy to think that something may be happening to us and that the events of our lives come to us as a result of our something that is randomly pushing the buttons, but I believe that everything in our lives happen for the reason of helping us move forward, and as a result of something that is moving me forward - and the events of the last few weeks have confirmed this.
It seems that life has plans for me that are bigger than where I have been living and it is apparent in the synchronicity that has been flowing into my every day: a few weeks ago, I was asked by a client, if I channel the mothers - not the higher self of mothers like you and I, but their mothers (grand and great-grandmothers) - in her case her deceased mom. My response was, let’s do this, and a few weeks later, I find myself in a space of adding one of the most important and powerful readings that I have ever had the privilege to introduce: the Ancestor/Maternal Lineage Soul Reading℠. I didn’t know it at the time, but this reading came into being at a time in life where we mothers need it the most. It started off with me connecting to her mama in spirit, and turned into generational healing instead. In a time where a lot of us are feeling our mother wounds caused by millenniums of patriarchy, lost and disconnected matriarchs, and a system in which the nurturing and healing of the children (who’ve now turned into the mothers and fathers) was lost. The bright side is that it has begun to surface, in the ways that we see now:
I believe that if you are reading this, and any or some of these things spoke to you, chances are that you are one of the mamas/women who are here at this time to bring forth the changes that are happening…and I am here to say that you are not alone, and I am here to help you, with the service that was called into me: the Ancestral/Maternal Lineage Soul Readings. Although it they didn't start this way, starting online with the intention of connecting with someone's mama on the other side, but they soon turned into more...
...and as I stated, these readings were brought just in time. A time when the world is experiencing much upheaval...and I am ready to answer my calling to bring it all together. These readings bring so much clarity because they get the the core of the problems that you are facing individually - problems caused by the mother wound:
and by a system that began way before you got here. They get to the core of the problems cause within the maternal family line. During each call the energies that are present within the maternal line and your ancestry become present and they come up to heal and help you move forward. The women who have come before step in and shed light on the hurts that have happened and were passed down the generations. They pinpoint where the pain began, and give a full understanding of why you are feeling blocked in your everyday, within yourself, your child or your life - within your lienage. They reconnect you to the past mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc. in your maternal line, those who have come before and have contributed to the energies that are present now. The pain that was passed down from one generation to the other - as well as the strength. The pain that you don’t want to pass onto your children and want to rid from your life, and they offer you the gift of knowing with absolute clarity what it is that you are here to do - and how you’re healing for them, your child, and yourself right now.
Because the truth is that we all experience life according to what our inner world is telling us. We get stuck in patterns and loops of thought, behavior and emotions that drive our lives without us being aware - and this reading came at the right time for us all. Because it is here to help you cut to the chase and get right into what’s happening and what you’re creating, so that you can begin to heal the mother wound caused by the hurt of patriarchy and the inability for the matriarchs to live in their power. This reading gets into the present energies and shows you a mirror into what you’ve been living with, what was passed down to you, how it has affected your life and the changes that you can make to live free from the chains of the hurt caused as a result of not knowing - it also connects the dots with your children and helps you understand what you’re working through with them and how they help you in healing the hurt.
Many of us walk around unaware of the things that we are holding onto or the way that these hurts are affecting us deeply. Some of us feel the need to fight for something, are angry, deeply sad, or depressed, and don’t know why. It’s hard to understand what that the origins of these feelings are, as a result of trauma and hurt that has been caused by generational stories carried down, and things that have been visited onto us, but the truth is that we no longer have to be burdened by these energies. We can use the energies of time that is available now and being to understand and heal. We can use these energies to transform our understanding and perceptions, so that we don’t have to pass these down to our children…we can begin to heal.
I feel blessed to have been given the ability to help mothers and women in this way - I understand that the time for us and for our healing is here, and am continually in awe over the ability for spirit to always bring into my life the necessary things needed for me to keep moving into a space to keep helping more mamas and women begin to heal and move forward…and although this is just the beginning, what a powerful begging it is…to learn more about these specific readings, please contact me here.
We had a newborn and a three-year-old. My husband (MJ) was in a haze of pain from regular migraines, I in one of fatigue. We were both cranky.
I sat in front of my computer 10–16 hours every day, trying to work but spending hours as a social-media zombie. Probably once a day, I heard MJ yelling at the kids, and the kids crying. I would help calm the situation, then go back to slogging through my work, mentally walking through cold molasses.
Finally, sometime after midnight, I would climb into bed with a happy sigh and a huge grin at the thought of an hour or two of sleep before the baby woke to nurse or our daughter woke screaming.
She would shriek like someone was murdering her.
Exhausted, panicked, I frantically tried to quiet her so she wouldn’t wake everyone else. When she was finally calm and I tried to go back to sleep, she scream like a banshee again. Back to her room I went, quietly imploring her to go back to sleep.
Twenty minutes later, more screaming. I would again rush to her room, my voice rising as I begged, pleaded, “I have to sleep. I need sleep. Please, please… please, for the love of … why won’t you sleep?!”
Then I would hear myself yelling, “You are going to wake everyone else up. It is nighttime. It is time for sleep. People are trying to sleep!”
I felt ashamed at my loss of control. Something needed to change, but what? And how?
Our Life Savers
Then I discovered Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning. I liked the idea of getting a better handle on my life by using the Life SAVERS (silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, scribing)—but how in the world could I get up an hour before my kids to do this?! It was all I could do to stumble out of bed when they woke me in the mornings.
I was desperate, though, so I gave it a shot. It worked … sort of.
I started daily self-care again, brushing my teeth, flossing, exercising … even showering! (When did I stop doing these things? I wondered.)
But I felt good enough—almost human again—that I kept going.
Even from his haze of pain and sleepiness, MJ noticed the change in me, so he started doing the Life SAVERS too.
Our days were so much better when we did the SAVERS before the kids woke up, but we still had to claw ourselves out of bed each morning, sometimes before the kids. But I often fell asleep in my silence. And affirmations. And visualization. And reading.
We were seeing enough improvements to stay determined, though, so we muddled through.
Then MJ discovered Shawn Stevenson’s book Sleep Smarter. We were already doing most things Stevenson suggested, but implementing those last few things made a tremendous difference. Suddenly, with sleep in order, everything started falling into place.
A Whole New Family
MJ’s migraines dropped from affecting him every day to only once or twice a month. He went from being anxious about almost everything to calm, even cheerful. Our interpersonal interactions are more considerate, more thoughtful. We treat everyone—including ourselves—with more respect.
We worry less and are present, engaged with our lives, our children, and each other. We accomplish much more every day. We keep our tempers. We rarely yell. Our house is much more peaceful.
Through trial and error, we have 5 essentials that we must to do daily to live this new, better life:
1. Shut off electronics at least 1 1/2 hour before the household’s earliest bedtime--and keep them out of sleeping spaces.
2. Use topical magnesium spray. (Ingested magnesium isn’t nearly as efficacious.) The easiest way to do this is with an epsom-salt soak. MJ, our daughter, and I soak our feet each evening as part of our electronics-free time. (MJ needs more magnesium to keep his headaches down, so he also uses a magnesium spray, which can be purchased or made at home.)
3. Increased physical activity. (Do any activity that you enjoy, but when movement is aligned with breathing, as in yoga or Tai Chi, it can double as silence/meditation.)
4. Silence/meditation. (This brings your attention to the present moment, to observe from a place of detachment. After steady practice, you find a state of calm that you can more easily call to mind when disturbances and agitation arise during the day.)
5. Education/personal development. (Focus on anything you like … anything. The point is to make constant incremental improvement in some aspect of your life. Eventually, you start thinking in whole new ways and getting more creative in everyday problem solving.)
When we do numbers 1 and 2, we fall asleep faster and have better-quality sleep. Then it’s easier to get up when the alarm goes off, which makes numbers 3–5 even easier to do.
Thanks to implementing these strategies, something has shifted in us.
We are hopeful and have found new purpose. We examine everything in our lives, improving what works and eliminating what doesn’t. We are more fully present for everyone. We are kinder, gentler, more understanding. We are better models for our children, who also behave better, sleep better, and are more cheerful.
It all started with the Miracle Morning and sleeping smarter.
- Stephanie R.S. Stringham
You read the title of this blog post and probably wondered what the heck is wrong with this woman. How can I find joy in frustrating moments? I'm a mom, and there is so much to do, where is the joy in my to do list?
Well, I'm here to tell you that there is plenty of joy to be found. The key lever in discovering this joy is in how you look at the situation. I know it is hard. With all the demands on our plates as moms, it is a challenge to remember to slow down and be joyful. The beautiful thing is we have a choice in everything we do and with that choice comes the opportunity to find joy.
For example, your children make a mess in the living room after you have cleaned up. When my kids make these kinds of choices, it infuriates me. I mean, they just saw me cleaning up and here they go creating a mess. It is frustrating and hard to get past, but at that moment I have a choice to make. I can scream at them for what they just did, or I can take a few breaths to calm down and look for some joy at the moment. When I give the situation a fresh look, I see my children playing creatively, safely and happily. I realize I can use this moment to teach them how to clean up their mess and how to help mommy when she is cleaning.
It doesn't happen seamlessly every time. There are times when I blow up and just let my rage take over. However, I keep those moments to a minimum.
I want my children to have happy memories of their time with me. Life does happen, so all of our times together won't be happy ones, but I can make a choice to find happiness more often than not.
Finding your Joy in Frustrating Moments
1. Release expectations that everything must be perfect.
Just because you cleaned the house doesn't mean it has to be spic and span. Know that there is beauty in the imperfections, and by releasing your expectations, you are allowing more joy to come your way.
2. Take a deep breath before making a choice.
When you feel your body tensing and the frustration boiling, take a deep breath. Let the breath bring relaxation into your body. Wait until that breath is released before making choices.
3. Look for moments of joy.
Purposefully look for the moments of happiness. Make an effort to look for the laughter and the happiness at the moment.
You have a choice whether to be joyful or to be frustrated. What choice will you make?
- Elly Blanco
Would you like to write for us, too? You can learn more about it HERE.
I long time ago, I would've said that all a mother has to do is follow her heart. But today, I find that this is no longer true for me. Now. Before you get angry let me explain.
I do believe that we mamas have to listen to our hearts, because that is where our feelings are, it is where we tap into what's going on, and the emotions that are present at any moment. But the problem is that it's not enough, because our hearts can put in in places where we are subjecting ourselves or our children to things or situations that are not the best for us. We are by nature sensitive and emotional creatures - add our children to that and forget it, we will be lost in our emotions for way too long.
The purpose of our hearts is to connect us with our emotions - the problem however comes when we listen to our emotions to the point that logic or reason also go out of the window. Our emotions are for us to feel, and not to think with. This is the purpose of them. Feeling. Not thinking. This is why, the hardest thing to do is to think clearly when we are emotional: sad, angry, happy. We become lost in our emotions and then react - they cloud our judgments. They bring automatic reactions: or reactions that come from a place deep within, that we don't fully understand.
For instance, just recently, my three year old went through a period in which he wanted to do nothing more than watch videos on mine or daddy's phone. In the beginning it was not a big deal, and we let him do it for a while...then we began to realize that this was becoming all that he wanted to do...for a short while, we allowed because he was upset and sad, and so we thought 'alright not a big deal. It's for a short amount of time, and he's ok. He's not bothering anyone, it's only a few videos.' Then it became more and more. Now, at first my heart was sad, because I didn't want to see him sad. I didn't want my little guy to cry and become upset. My heart hurt and I wanted to make him better...but my logic knew that there was something wrong with this. He was becoming obsessed with it. He was opting out of play with his siblings, curios exploration, and things that are normal for a three year old, because he was looking forward to the moment when he could watch videos on the phones. My heart was sad over the situation, but my gut told me that this was not right, and we began to take the phone away and set limits with the time. Sure he became upset, but I took it as a cue to let him feel his feelings in their entirety...so what is one to follow when the heart isn't fully the right answer? I'll tell you. Your instincts.
As women, and mothers we have great instincts. We know in our guts and can feel when something is not working out instinctively (as what was happening with my three year old). We often become aware of when things need changes or need to be adjusted by the way that it feels to us. Listening to our instincts, our spirits and souls, do a much better job at helping us to understand what is right for our children and families.
Our hearts are our guides. They show us what emotions are in front of us. It provides us with a glimpse into the energies that are present - but it can be deceiving when we are still not fully aware how to separate our emotions from our reactions. However, our instincts/the small little voice that is within, the one that always had the answers when you needed it, doesn't misguide you, because that voice is a part of your pure self. It is in contact with the divine. It knows the truth as soon as it comes across it...and this is where the answers come from. From that silent place when all of the emotions from the heart have been processed.
So the next time you're wrestling with something, listen to what your heart is feeling, and then tap into your instincts - to the divine flow that knows the answer, and combine the two, to help you create magic...
...as far as my three year old, he still watches videos, from time to time, but the limits that have been set, have created a much more balanced little dude, who's day is full of more natural play and normal three year old curiosity.
P.S If you're curious about how you can move into a space of more flow and connection. If you want to experience the life aligning experience of a Soul Reading, where I connect you to and channel your higher self , the higher self of your child or a baby in spirit can schedule them Here...to read about other experiences in readings, go HERE...or just schedule NOW.
As the New Year approaches, I am reminded that nothing ever stays the same - which is funny because in the world of a mama, its easy for a day to feel repetitive and slow, and yet, the years go fast. In last week's blog post, I spoke about how I realized that the time was passing me by, about how my kids were growing up right in front of me, and I gave a few of my own personal reminders that help me get through the rougher moments. Today I want to talk about the other side of this: how I learned to follow the flow and understand what these changing times are trying to tell me, so that I can move with them.
We all know that time passes, seasons change and nothing stays the same forever, however, that's not the part where we get stuck. We get stuck in the moment to moment, where the changes are actually happening and we are trying to create or move into what's being created. For instance, when we have a two year old who's becoming a three year old, we know that he is going through a change, he's getting older. But what is also happening is that the way he understands and views the world, and himself in it, is also changing. He goes from wanting to touch everything around him all of the time - beyond what you tell him - into wanting to control things around him, i.e.: the "no" phase; I don't want to; "I do it" followed by "help me" (my personal favorite *insert sarcasm*). This, to many of us looks like defiance (because it's what we were taught) but the reality of this stage, is that it's teaching them to be autonomous and have autonomy over their person, body, and what they do, they learn how to stand up for themselves, etc... This stage helps them explore what they can and cannot do. It helps them navigate what they do and don't have control over - but the problem is not this stage within them, per say, but more so, our inability to allow this stage to sometimes flourish properly because our autopilot reactions, stories, and themes, take a front row seat during this time. This time, can be a very difficult time for a lot of us, because it requires that in many cases we give up control and instead become passengers to their learning. During this time of change, where we are trying our best to keep up with new need, while attempting to be the best parent to our child, while simulaniously setting appropriate limits, and keeping from loosing our s#&*^ more often. This, of course, is only one example of many times of change...so what is a mama to do? How does one navigate the changes that happen during each stage through out our kid's lives and our own?
To answer this as simply as possible: you tune in. When I first started to figure out how to understand my home, so that I could create what I wanted vs living in autopilot, the first thing that I did was to learn about the normal stages in childhood, and what was developmentally appropriate, so that I could then understand what I was putting into the moment, and then I tuned into what I had going on within. I got to know myself deeply. Intimately. My thoughts. My reactions. My actions. I learned that when I understood where they were, I could understand what the story was that I was creating around them. I could then understand myself deeply, and react appropriately to what was happening without. Also, understanding what I had going on within me. Where I am, figuring out what flow I am in: is it time for introspection; is it time for action; time to observe; time for planning? Each time has a different tone. A different purpose. Each season has a purpose and is bringing us to something. When we learn to tune into these flows within us, we can begin to understand the purpose of season and time. What each is leading us into. Into what you're growing and changing into.
I realized that if I was to put into my children and home the things that they/we needed I had to go within and understand first. I had to first figure out what was going on, so that I can put in what would help all of us move forward. This is a a great part of me being a conscious parent. Of allowing the spirituality in my parenting journey to help me move forward with what is needed. This does not mean that I don't have times, where I am in the midst of feelings. What it means instead, is that I use everything: moments of clarity, uncertainty, understanding, sadness, quiet, non-flow, to give me a bigger understanding of what is needed from me, to move into, and what it needed to create what I desire, and what's in the best interest for all of us.
It is true that I have an "in," in that I can read and understand the energies of myself, children and home: a service that I provide moms in the forms of my Soul Readings℠, where I channel the higher self of mamas, their children, and their babies in spirit, for clarity and understanding and help to flow, but it does not mean that you can't tap into this and parts of it and do it too, to help you move into creation.
For the New Year I want to leave you with three things to help you move into this space within yourself:
1) Get in touch with your feelings and take responsibility for them - I am feeling sad, vs. you made me sad. (Our feelings come from within us, and are born as a result of something that happened in the past that is being triggered now.) Others trigger our feelings, but they are not responsible for them.
2) Start to challenge yourself, to understand why you're feeling something. Your feelings help you understand what your working on and learning what to move into. Let them show you where your incomfortability lies, so that you can begin to understand where your next step is. When you understand what you don't want, or what you don't like, you can being to move into what will take you into alignment, and flow.
3) Allow yourself to be OK wher you are, and being OK with that. Sometimes, we want to hurry up and move into the next phase right now, but now may not be the right time - you might be just gathering knowlwedge and information - signified by lack of clarity or not being sure of what's next; or sometimes right now is a time to take action - signified by a lot of synchronicities and opportunities to take a leap. To be OK with now, because it's where you are, will help you move into the next phase.
I'll put it this way, if I would've been taken out of the time of having four small children under 4 and transplanted into now, I would probably not be able to handle where I am now, becase I would not be able to properly balance everything that I juggle at this point - but that phase taught me to organize. Every step takes us into another, and what we are learning at the moment helps us move into the next phase. We all have an individual journey that is helping us grow. Tuning into that "right NOW" is where the magic happens - allowing the stages in their changes, and the moments to teach you, you allow yourself to flow into the magic.
The last few weeks have been full of changes for us. Changes that are full of emotions which turn on my natural reaction of wanting to flee (something that used to happen a lot when my brood was much younger); flee into a screen, social media, or other things that look like this. Changes like the way that we homeschool, the way that my home is run, the way that I am eating, and lots of other small things that send me into a place of wanting to escape into a quiet sanctuary...but as beautifully syncronized as life is, last night I found baby pictures that I hadn't seen in a long time, and I took this as a reminder to stay present, and stay off of devices.
As I was looking through my kid's baby pictures, and nostalgia hit me, I realized how much they've grown through the stages of our lives that have been frozen in these stills, I was reminded about how fast time flies, and how much they change in what seems like such a short amount of time - the most daunting thing of all, is that they are changing right in front my eyes.
I started then to wonder how much time do we really all have? Is it ever enough? In our fast paced lives: rush here, go there, clean this, do that, how much time am I really devoting to spending quality time with my loved ones? All of my babies' round faced smiles have been replaced with longer faced grins, and as each year goes on, I realize how the natural separation happens. How the ones who wanted to spend all day with me, are more naturally wanting to spend their time doing things other than following me around the house, and asking me ten-thousand questions. I realize that the time is slipping through and that those soft eyes that once looked at me with adoration, are now filled with worldly curiousity - and suddenly, I was reminded about the fact that the moments pass by, and that it's easy to fill them with things and to-dos and lists of things to complete - it's easy to loose sight of the magic that is happening at every turn...and last-night, I was reminded once again, that the moments that matter are the ones that we share in-between when things seem to be going haywire - and these pictures reminded me of the importance of my presence.
I was reminded to stay present because time is fleeting. I was reminded that once time is gone, that there is no way to get it back. And mostly, I am reminded that changes always happen, and all I have to do is to keep taking care of myself in the way that I've learned over the years, so that I can allow myself to be as present and aware as possible.
It's easy to get lost in the moments, and want to naturally escape when things feel rough, but for today, I want to remind you of a few things that I've come to realize over the years:
1) Everything has a season and a reason. Just because I don't understand what's happening doesn't mean that there is not a reason for it.
2) I am always learning and moving forward. Just because I don't see the value in a rough moment, does not mean that there is none.
3) The way that I behave during times of change and stress is far reaching - and has a greater impact on the times of calm.
4) All kids go through similar stages, during similar times. My job is to tune into the stage, and into how my child is processing the stage and move into it accordingly...
5) ...and the most important one of all, for me, treating myself with as much grace as I want them to be treated and I would like others to treat me through times of change, is the best medicine in the world.
During this holiday season, I want to remind you that you are always where you need to be. I want to shine a light into how fast everything goes, and I want you to take a moment to enjoy the fleeting times, that can sometimes become clouded with to-dos, lists, things and rushes. To stop, take a breath, and remember that the baby years go fast, and that one day before you know it, you'll be looking at old pictures and thinking where did the time go. But most of all, I want to remind myself, as I remind you, that changes don't always have to be so difficult - although they can be challenging - when I remember that nothing ever stays the same, and at some point I will look back at pictures, as I did last night, of now, and start to wonder where did the time go.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.