Through parenting, and in striving to release what does not serve myself or my home in order to intentionally create the home that I envision: one of harmony and understanding, togetherness, and a legacy of intentional and self perpetual healing, I learned (very early on) that the only way that I was going to input into them the conditions that they needed to become the best versions of themselves, was to become the thing that I was looking to create with them within myself, first.
We often say, that kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do, but we don’t fully grasp or hold onto what this means. This phrase often lights up different things within ourselves, that give us glimpses of the truth of parenthood, and yet, saying it, somehow doesn’t really capture, the total idea of what it is that we are really supposed to do, in order to be somewhat successful with the values that we are longing to instill into our children.
This creates a dual energy in that while I am continually striving to heal and help them, I am first doing the same to me.
The truth is that our children often elicit from with us, the exact conditions that we need to heal ourselves.
It becomes part of a process in which we are looking into ourselves so that we can go beyond our limits through them, and release the things that no serve us.
The important thing to understand is that this is a process in which we are facing ourselves - even though our children give us the mirror, if we learn how to accept it - and learning how to heal though them.
It’s a dual process that shows us how to release, in order to transform events and experiences into healing.
In this entire process, I have a few tools that I use, to help me get the most out of times that seem tumultuous, but the one that I use consistently through time, is silence.
When understood, silence is a powerful tool, to help us understand, release and deal with things that arise within our lives.
It helps us understand the things that are happening with our children, and spouses.
One of the things that I teach my clients, very early on, is about the importance of silence, so that they can learn to understand the things that are stirring within them, and in their homes.
I help them use silence as a tool, to gain access to the feelings and emotions that they are holding onto, I help them learn how to use what they find, when they are in silence, and turn those things into a process that will help them uncover what they are looking for.
As quoted above,
“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”
This practice is something that when we understand it, it can lead us to become closer to the parts of ourselves that we seek.
This process, when used properly, by someone who can properly dive into their emotions and feelings, or who has available help from someone who can help them through the process, becomes very powerful because it helps them learn to unlock the secrets to what they are looking for.
Throughout the last few year, allowing myself to sit in silence, sometimes for days at a time have given me back what I’m looking for.
I know that there are a lot of people who can’t sit in silence because they fear what’s within it, or what will come up - to those I say don’t, but for the ones that want to understand themselves, the ones who come to work with me via Spiritual Transformational Guidance.
Allowing myself to sit with myself in this process, does a few things for me and my family.
1. It helps me first, learn how to take responsibility for what is happening within me.
When we are in places that don’t seem like where it is that we want to be, or when we are lost and confused, when things are happening that feel painful from within us that we don’t quite understand, it’s easy to blame other things or people, and in doing this, we forget that we always have a choice, in our lives, or that we are in a place that is a result of choices that we’ve made leading into the point where we are.
Being in silence helps me see that it’s ME that is having what ever issue is coming up.
I recognize that my feelings are mine and not the other person’s. I am able to see the truth of why I’m feeling a certain way.
When you allow yourself to be in silence for a few days it helps you be able to see what’s coming up as a part of something that is stirring within you and not the others.
You take back your the narrative of your story.
2. It has helped me take responsibility for my emotions and reactions.
Some of the worst stuff comes up when we are in places of pain. We do or say things that we don’t mean. We do things out of hurt and pain, because we are in hurt and pain. Being in silence allows us to stop that stuff before it bubbles up.
Silence allows me to keep reactions that can do more harm within, while I process. Like I said above, we cause harm in these places because it’s easy to not catch reactions and words that we don’t mean in moments of deep feeling. But when in silence, its easier to see what's going on, and therefore, one is able to understand what is happening outside of the self, without being harmful to the ones around.
I can learn to understand where the automatic reactions can come from, and learn how to process what’s coming up in a way that can be more helpful for myself, in doing this, I have learned how to cultivate the reactions that I want to have.
3. When I’m not reacting constantly, I am able to learn how to listen.
We know how to hear, but the art of listening is lost.
I’m a talker, I’ve always been, and in being a talker, I’ve learned over the years, that it’s easy to not listen.
When we’re not listening we are not learning.
When I’m allowing silence, I’m listening.
When I listen, I can see where I can be wrong, or where I’m not paying attention. Life is a game of perception, and because we, in any given moment - especially when we’re in spaces of tumultuous energy - can only see our own perception, it’s easy to make everything about what we think or feel. It’s easy to rob people of their experience in only seeing our own perception, and in turn not listen to others. But when I allow silence to reign for a time, I force myself to see the perception of the others around me…which leads me into…
4. I stop projecting.
Blame, stops with me.
When we project into others we give them our hurts or assumptions. It becomes difficult to deal with the real issues when we are projecting our issues into our homes, families, and others.
When I stop projecting what I’m feeling into them, it’s easier for us to come up with solutions to whatever is happening much faster, because I am seeing what is coming up within me, I am allowing them to be without my voice, I am not putting into them, what I think is happening.
Instead, I/we deal with the true energy that is working through all of us, allowing us to come together with a solution…in most cases understanding.
5. Silence helps me learn how to grow.
I am a firm believer that all the things that happen in our lives, happen to teach us, help us grow, or are parts of change in a cycle that are taking us into another place. The problem is that when we don’t know what it is that’s happening we can feel lost because we have so many voices telling us different things. We’ve forgotten how to listen to our own inner voice, our inner knowing.
Learning how to use silence appropriately teaches us how to listen to this place. It teaches us to learn to understand our own voice, and helps us release opinions, thoughts, or feelings that are not ours, things gathered through outside experiences.
Things like: parents, news, social media, movies, etc. When we become silent we learn how to listen to our inner self.
Being in silence is one of the most powerful tools that I work with, in order to help me move forward.
It helps me learn how to shift into where I’m growing.
It helps me heal, and it helps me connect more deeply to the ones around me, as well and equally as important to my inner self.
I am able to transform myself in life.
Becoming and using silence, within my life, has become a silent meditation that helps me evolve and constantly search and find what I am looking for.
I’m learning more and more, that what I and we, are all looking for, is the way to find ourselves and our truths.
Truths that will help us evolve through the challenges that happen in life, and learn how to change the relationship that we have with these challenges.
Over the years I’ve learned that challenges are not about the challenges, but more about the way that we see and tune into what’s happening, so that what does happen gives us back to ourselves.
A process of undoing what’s not ours, so that we can reclaim ourselves.
When we understand this, everything can and does become our teacher: our children, events, partners, parents, life. When this happens, life becomes like a walking meditation, where we are able to explore ourselves and grow.
Silence, is one of the tools that gets us there.
Do you want to know more? Or connect with me so that I can help you tune in and transform in your life?
Or schedule a reading with me here, or, to learn about Spiritual Transformation you can schedule a time to talk with me here.
“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”
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Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.