Today I want to discuss with you, what I like to call an inconvenient parenting truth: the fact that there are no real quick parenting solutions. Sure, there are methods out there, that may help us stop some of the behavioral stuff that's going on with our children NOW, but the simple truth is that in order for us to have the peaceful, harmonious homes that we desire in the long run, the real solutions are slow and steady - like the tortoise and the hare...and although it seems like a bad thing, it's not, it's a great thing, allow me to elaborate...
...when most parents look for help regarding the behavioral stuff that they want to stop, control or understand regarding their children. They want to stop the behavior that is making them feel like they are loosing it, so that they can have more ease in their homes and with their children. But the truth of the matter is that looking for these things, is the equivalent of using a bandaid on a scratch. Sure you're covering the scratch for a moment, and stopping the blood, but when you cover it with a bandaid, it is still underneath, raw and unhealed. The purpose of the bandaid is to help you keep it clean while it is bleeding, but not to leave it covered infinitely. The only way to heal that scratch is to eventually open it, clean it, and expose it to the air so that it can dry and heal...
...the same can applies to a lot of behavioral stuff. Until we get to the core of WHY our children are behaving in the ways that they are, they will continue to do so, over and over again. Why? Because by addressing the behavioral stuff and trying to stop it, you've never address the problem that they are having to begin with. For example, you can have two children who throw "tantrums" when their toy is taken away by their sibling, and both react in similar ways: crying, screaming, stomping, throwing things, hitting, etc., all dependent on the age, but until you get to the core of WHY your specific child is behaving this way, methods or ways to pacify, will always still result in the same action - or in other ways, depending on how they were reacted to or perceived. For instance, one child my be insecure, and the feeling of having their things taken from them, may make them feel powerless, or badly about who they are. The other may feel possessive, because they had it first, and how dare the other person take their stuff away from them. If we're not addressing the the reason and meeting the child where they are, and helping the issue that they are having, it will be hard to get to the core and address the behavior properly...these things always have more than one layer, of course, and require much patience and observation from the part of the people that are around them.
The great news is that this doesn't matter that these things take time, because when you get to the core of what's happening and get to the real reason for the struggles that happen from time to time, you will intuitively understand the purpose, and it won't feel like a struggle. You will be at a place where you feel more at ease, and these moments will give you a new perspective on your lives, and allow you to connect with your child on a deeper level and the challenges will not be struggles, but will become instead, moments that bring connection.
A quick way to get to a space where you start to understand the core of where a lot of behaviors come from with your specific child, is to start asking them how something made them feel: "how did _________ make you feel?" The habit of asking them how things make them feel gives you a clue into their inner world, and it helps you understand them - it will put you and them in a space where you're both learning to get to the core, rather than focusing on the behavior - which is always just a cover - and helps them start to understand their feelings, while taking accountability for them also. It will start a healthy internal dialog: in a world where many of us feel lost and disconnected from who we are, this practice alone can help us start to reconnect, on many levels. A bypass is a Soul Reading for your child, where I bring to you the core personality of your child by connecting you to their higher self in order to bring you laser clarity and immediate understanding, that way, you can begin to get to the core of what's going on in your home. But until then, starting to ask them how they feel about anything, after the intense moment has passed, will begin to get you there.
If you have any further questions, would like to learn about anything else, you can contact me at, firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you'd like to book a Soul Reading for your child, you can do so HERE or a Soulful Parenting Coaching Call HERE, where we can see if I can help you line up to the natural parenting flow, in your journey into becoming a Soul Centered Mama™.
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Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.