As the New Year approaches, I am reminded that nothing ever stays the same - which is funny because in the world of a mama, its easy for a day to feel repetitive and slow, and yet, the years go fast. In last week's blog post, I spoke about how I realized that the time was passing me by, about how my kids were growing up right in front of me, and I gave a few of my own personal reminders that help me get through the rougher moments. Today I want to talk about the other side of this: how I learned to follow the flow and understand what these changing times are trying to tell me, so that I can move with them.
We all know that time passes, seasons change and nothing stays the same forever, however, that's not the part where we get stuck. We get stuck in the moment to moment, where the changes are actually happening and we are trying to create or move into what's being created. For instance, when we have a two year old who's becoming a three year old, we know that he is going through a change, he's getting older. But what is also happening is that the way he understands and views the world, and himself in it, is also changing. He goes from wanting to touch everything around him all of the time - beyond what you tell him - into wanting to control things around him, i.e.: the "no" phase; I don't want to; "I do it" followed by "help me" (my personal favorite *insert sarcasm*). This, to many of us looks like defiance (because it's what we were taught) but the reality of this stage, is that it's teaching them to be autonomous and have autonomy over their person, body, and what they do, they learn how to stand up for themselves, etc... This stage helps them explore what they can and cannot do. It helps them navigate what they do and don't have control over - but the problem is not this stage within them, per say, but more so, our inability to allow this stage to sometimes flourish properly because our autopilot reactions, stories, and themes, take a front row seat during this time. This time, can be a very difficult time for a lot of us, because it requires that in many cases we give up control and instead become passengers to their learning. During this time of change, where we are trying our best to keep up with new need, while attempting to be the best parent to our child, while simulaniously setting appropriate limits, and keeping from loosing our s#&*^ more often. This, of course, is only one example of many times of change...so what is a mama to do? How does one navigate the changes that happen during each stage through out our kid's lives and our own?
To answer this as simply as possible: you tune in. When I first started to figure out how to understand my home, so that I could create what I wanted vs living in autopilot, the first thing that I did was to learn about the normal stages in childhood, and what was developmentally appropriate, so that I could then understand what I was putting into the moment, and then I tuned into what I had going on within. I got to know myself deeply. Intimately. My thoughts. My reactions. My actions. I learned that when I understood where they were, I could understand what the story was that I was creating around them. I could then understand myself deeply, and react appropriately to what was happening without. Also, understanding what I had going on within me. Where I am, figuring out what flow I am in: is it time for introspection; is it time for action; time to observe; time for planning? Each time has a different tone. A different purpose. Each season has a purpose and is bringing us to something. When we learn to tune into these flows within us, we can begin to understand the purpose of season and time. What each is leading us into. Into what you're growing and changing into.
I realized that if I was to put into my children and home the things that they/we needed I had to go within and understand first. I had to first figure out what was going on, so that I can put in what would help all of us move forward. This is a a great part of me being a conscious parent. Of allowing the spirituality in my parenting journey to help me move forward with what is needed. This does not mean that I don't have times, where I am in the midst of feelings. What it means instead, is that I use everything: moments of clarity, uncertainty, understanding, sadness, quiet, non-flow, to give me a bigger understanding of what is needed from me, to move into, and what it needed to create what I desire, and what's in the best interest for all of us.
It is true that I have an "in," in that I can read and understand the energies of myself, children and home: a service that I provide moms in the forms of my Soul Readings℠, where I channel the higher self of mamas, their children, and their babies in spirit, for clarity and understanding and help to flow, but it does not mean that you can't tap into this and parts of it and do it too, to help you move into creation.
For the New Year I want to leave you with three things to help you move into this space within yourself:
1) Get in touch with your feelings and take responsibility for them - I am feeling sad, vs. you made me sad. (Our feelings come from within us, and are born as a result of something that happened in the past that is being triggered now.) Others trigger our feelings, but they are not responsible for them.
2) Start to challenge yourself, to understand why you're feeling something. Your feelings help you understand what your working on and learning what to move into. Let them show you where your incomfortability lies, so that you can begin to understand where your next step is. When you understand what you don't want, or what you don't like, you can being to move into what will take you into alignment, and flow.
3) Allow yourself to be OK wher you are, and being OK with that. Sometimes, we want to hurry up and move into the next phase right now, but now may not be the right time - you might be just gathering knowlwedge and information - signified by lack of clarity or not being sure of what's next; or sometimes right now is a time to take action - signified by a lot of synchronicities and opportunities to take a leap. To be OK with now, because it's where you are, will help you move into the next phase.
I'll put it this way, if I would've been taken out of the time of having four small children under 4 and transplanted into now, I would probably not be able to handle where I am now, becase I would not be able to properly balance everything that I juggle at this point - but that phase taught me to organize. Every step takes us into another, and what we are learning at the moment helps us move into the next phase. We all have an individual journey that is helping us grow. Tuning into that "right NOW" is where the magic happens - allowing the stages in their changes, and the moments to teach you, you allow yourself to flow into the magic.
Soul Mama Blog
Blog to help mamas, on their journey: with the various parts of motherhood and life.